My wife was setting up the video game for my son in our bedroom. He was squeezing past my 5 months pregnant wife, and he asked her:
“Mommy? Is the baby growing a little bit in your butt?”
Ahh, out of the mouths of babes! I was just thinking about starting one of these threads.
Recently my sister and my niece, 10, were shopping. My sister, who is quite well-endowed, tried on a shirt. She didn’t realize how low-cut it was until she got it on, and saw how revealing it was. My sister was laughing so hard, she called my niece into the dressing room. My niece’s first comment was, “Wow, that’s a Barb Johnson shirt.” (Barb being someone we know who likes to wear really tight shirts. Name changed to protect the boobage, I mean innocent.)
“Yeah, I’ve got quite the cleavage going on in this one, don’t I?” my sister said. “Yeah, and your boobs are showing too,” my niece answered.
Really cute. Is your wife okay? I lost weight years ago when my then 3 year old said, “you’re not fat Mommy, you’re just chubby.”
My wife cracked up.
I wouldn’t be able to get away with that comment though. Of that, I am certain.
It’s made marginally less cute by the fact that your son is seventeen. 
My band recently had a gig at the local library. Since it was a public place and all ages were welcome I invited my brother and his family. My nieces and nephew have never seen me perform as it is usually a night club and/or late at night.
At one point I was scat singing and the syllable I was using must have sounded like beep, beep because my nephew leaned over to my brother and said “there must be a lot of bad words in the song because she’s beeping them out”
On the other side of the coin, there are the badly-done lies that crack me up. For instance, my sister and brother-in-law have been revamping their decor, and were planning to get a new couch.
My niece, in kindergarten, came up to my sister the other day and told her that the lid had come off of a pen and so she’d gotten a little bit of ink on the couch, and she was sorry.
My sister said, “Oh, that’s OK honey, sometimes that happens.” Then she went to look at the couch.
My niece had written her own name in HUGE letters across one of the cushions. “A little bit of ink,” indeed! HA!
On the other side of the coin, there are the badly-done lies that crack me up. For instance, my sister and brother-in-law have been revamping their decor, and were planning to get a new couch.
My niece, in kindergarten, came up to my sister the other day and told her that the lid had come off of a pen and so she’d gotten a little bit of ink on the couch, and she was sorry.
My sister said, “Oh, that’s OK honey, sometimes that happens.” Then she went to look at the couch.
My niece had written her own name in HUGE letters across one of the cushions. “A little bit of ink,” indeed! HA!
At lunch today at Taco Bell, I heard a little girl ask for “whipped cream” for her soft taco. 
When my niece was little she LOVED hot chocolate. When she wanted regular chocolate milk she would call it (you guessed it!) COLD chocolate.
When she would eat something spicy she would call it “sparkly”.
Awwww!!
When my daughter was 3, I took her into a change room at Sears with me while I was trying on some new pants. There were other men in the change rooms all around me when for some really weird unknown reason my daughter says out loud:
“Daddy. You’re wearing big girl panties just like me!”
Holy crap! So, I say out loud (in my deepest man voice) “No. That’s normal men’s’ underwear Leafgirl.”
Unbelievable… I’m chuckling as I type this, but it was embarrassing at the time.
My hubby has had thinning hair for some years and eventually developed a large round bald spot on top of his head.
This is why my then-four-year-old son told his father, “Daddy, you’ve got a hole in your hair!”
I love these threads.
A couple years ago, my then-5-year-old and I were having dinner with a friend of mine who is, shall we say, dentally-challenged. My son had just lost his first tooth. He at one point looked at my friend and said, “I see YOU’VE been losing some teeth, too! Did the tooth fairy come?” :eek:
The other day he saw a commercial for the new slow-cooker liners, to make cleaning of your crockpot easier. He turned to me and asked me if I was a slow cooker, because if I was, now I had something to help me. Heh.
Our daughter announced at the age of three that she was going to become a dog when she grew up, and no amount of logic could dissuade her. She played being a dog day and night for years.
In time she grew old enough for kindergarten. She’s a soft-hearted sort, like her dad, and wanted to please everyone, and sometimes that wasn’t easy; some kids are pretty hard to please. One night she summoned me to her room, eyes big as proverbial saucers.
“Mum, I think I have a dog spirit,” she said, plucking at the front of her nightie with anxiety.
“A dog spirit? What do you mean?” I asked.
“Well, you know how dogs are always trying to figure out what to do to make people happy. That’s what I do, so I have a dog spirit! Maybe I really am becoming a dog!”
When my son was three, our neighbour’s goldfish died, and she brought it out of the apartments when all the kids were playing out in front. The dead fish in her hand attracted a lot of attention, and there was a big funeral held with about 30 preschoolers watching as she dug a hole in a flowerbed and put the fish in it. Then the kids wandered away to play and that seemed to be the end of it.
That night at bed time my son suddenly asked me, “Mummy, why did that lady put the fish in the mud?” I told him that the fish was dead and it had been buried.
He looked at me with big anxious eyes and said “But where’s the fish NOW? What’s going to happen to it?”
I was a bit taken aback, never having had to talk to a kid about death before, and scrabbling around for an answer, I told him the fish was now in heaven.
That didn’t seem to satisfy him, and he thought some more, then his face cleared and he said, “I know! She planted a little tiny fish, and it’ll grow, and tomorrow it’ll be a great big SHARK!”
My son got a book from my mother in which shed wrote “To David, Love Grandma”. When I read it to him he started bawling uncontrollably. I asked him what was wrong and he said “No, ONE David love Grandma”.
One of my coworkers has a two-year-old daughter who spends most evenings with her at work.
A few days ago, things were horribly busy and everyone was running around in the back trying to get things done. The door has a little bell thingy on it so that it chimes loudly when someone comes in, and I heard the bell chime and started toward the door to take care of the customer.
Little One runs out to a spot where she could be seen from the door but was still within her given boundaries and shouted, “just a moment please! someone will be right with you!”
(her mom asked her not to do that anymore. While most customers would find it adorable, it’s not exactly professional.)
And while it’s not exactly professional, it would have earned double plus tips from me. But I’m a softie like that.
2 from my 4 year old daughter…
-
She, her twin brother and 5 year old cousin were riding their bikes around a deserted parking lot. I was watching and helping when they fell. She falls and tries to get back on, when her cousin falls halfway across the parking lot from me. I call to him to see if he’s okay, starting to walk toward him, and my daughter leaps on her bike and rides to him yelling “To the rescue!” I figured out later that she had remembered the line from a kids fire truck book I had read to them recently.
-
Eating at an Olive Garden last week, a family was seated at a table a little past us. As the family passed, a 6(?) year old girl walked by in a dress and very little wispy hair. I assume she was recovering from chemo treatments. As they walk by, my daughter starts asking loudly “Why’s that girl not have any…” At this point both me and my wife are trying to quiet her voice while trying not to be too obvious about it. She finishes her sentence “…tights?”
When my son was about kindergarden age, he was quite the artiste, and was always scamming us for papaer to draw on.
My FiL had died a few months before, and the wife was the one to take care of the estate matters, which wasn’t much. She got a big thick mailing from the laywer, and set it down. The rugrat picks them up and whips out the crayons to start creation of another masterpiece.
“No no no! Don’t touch those! Those are Granddad’s papers!”
The rugrat cocked an eyebrow, tilted his head, and with his hands on his hips, replied, “What are you going to do, mail them to God?”