First off, I am a female. I was driving somewhere with my ex’s son, T. He was around 5 years old at the time. Conversation went like this:
T: Who’s older, you or Daddy?
Me: Who do you think is older?
T: Daddy, because his mustache is bigger than yours.
ftr my upper lip hairs are blond and small (or so I’ve always thought). Must have been the lighting that day…
No, I haven’t. 
Baby was due yesterday. And yes, I was pregnant at our IndyDope - I took the test three days later. But I do have another cute story!
My nephew’s 3rd birthday is on Saturday. His mom (who is very anxiously awaiting the birth of her first niece or nephew) asked him if he wanted a baby cousin for his birthday.
“No. I want a race car!”
Sorry to bump this, but my kids were in rare form last night.
I was starving, and while waiting for the hamburgers to cook, I mention I could sit down and eat an entire jar of peanut butter.
My son tsks-tsks and says, “Better not, mom. It will go straight to your hips.”
:eek:
Then, before I went to bed, I cuddled up with Ivylad on the couch. My daughter comes by and says, “Ewww…you two look like you’re copulating!” Now, there was nothing suggestive about our posture, I certainly didn’t have my legs wrapped around his waist or anything, but they’re at that age where they realize Mom and Dad may do a bit more in bed besides sleep.
Then, she came by a few seconds later and said, “Is it copulating or capitulating?”
Kids…gotta love 'em.
“Well, honey, sometimes it’s a little of both.” 
Our oldest son, Jason, was eight, his brother, Aaron, three. One day my wife, who worked for a government agency, had a holiday that the rest of us didn’t have. I came home from work to find Jason confined to his room and my wife waiting for me with instructions to “talk to your son.”
Seems she’d promised Aaron they would go to the mall to spend his birthday money as soon as her morning housework was done. Being only three, he pestered her every 30 seconds, until she finally told him, “Just go watch TV for a few more minutes, then I’ll be done.”
“There’s nothing on,” he replied.
“Watch Blinky,” she suggested (Blinky’s Fun Club was a popular kid’s show on a Denver TV station at the time.
“Blinky sucks!” the child stated.
My wife was stunned to hear what she considered such salty language coming from her darling babe. “Where did you hear that?” she demanded.
“That’s what Jason says.”
Fast forward to that afternoon. Jason walked through the door and was accosted by his mother. “Do you know what your little brother said this morning?”
Of course, the lad had no idea what was coming. “Uh …”
“He said you told him Blinky sucks!”
The boy looked at her with complete bewilderment and replied, “Mom, have you ever *watched * that show?”
Fortunately, he did not pursue a career as a media critic.
Just like in the car… there’s the heat, and then there’s the cold heat. 
I whispered as much to Ivylad…“I guess it could be, depending on the situation…”
Here’s another from my girl. I was reading her a story the other night and she looked up at me and asked, “Mommy, when Daddy was a baby, did you read him this story, too?” So, Daddy was little and then grew up, but Mommy has always been Mommy, I guess.
My friend’s 4 year old daughter, Erin, had been acting up. He had to go outside and bring her into the house. He then bannished her to her room. His 7 year old son Wyatt, who was still outside suddenly runs into the house. He states loudly to all the adults, “Dad Erin is sticking her butt on the window & licking it!”
Without thinking I said, “Man’s she’s flexible.” We all got so tickled. It took us a bit to realize she was sticking her butt on the window then licking the window… But the other image was just too funny…
These are all too adorable. A certainty: no story will be exactly like another! That’s the allure of this kind of thread.
I’ve been babysitting for my best girlfriend and her hubby once or twice a month lately, so they may have a quiet night together away from monsterdaughters #1 & #2. It’s quite interesting how much I have discovered, NOT about the cute girls, but about my friend and her husband, much more than Mom likely would really want me to know.
The three of us are “camping out” in the living room and are bedding down on the hideaway queen bed. I’m in the middle. Monsterdaughter #1 (age 7) is sleeping soundly, sweet-smelling head slumped on one of my shoulders. Monsterdaughter #2 (age 3) is on my other side, wiggly & completely alert and awake, tho it is well past 11 PM and I myself long to join the legions of the profoundly asleep. MD#2 has been muttering to herself for about an hour, allowing me to doze lightly, but gets bored and taps me on the shoulder: “Beck”? Pokes me: “Beck??” Gives me a swift kick: “BECK!!” Trying not to bolt upright and scare the bejeebs out of MD#1, I whisper, “What? Darling, what is it?”
“My Mom picks my nose for me.”
Naturally I’ll be repeating THAT story all over town in the next week or so.
–Beck
Since somebody else bumped this thread, I chime in.
We were on a short trip recently, and stopped at a convenience store to get drinks and snacks. My youngest daughter is learning to read and wants me to read every word she sees.
So, while we were waiting for my hubby to come out, she says, “Mommy, what’s that f-word?” I’m thinking, “Oh no, someone painted the f-word on the wall! How am I gonna explain this to her?”
Then I look where she’s pointing and say, “Baby, that says Fina.”
Never assume. 
Sneezy