Outside Opinion: Bisexuality

In My Humble Opinion
21

Straight gal checking in - and I do mean slammed to the far end of the Kinsey spectrum. Have zip desire for women, do not fantacize about them, have never had a “wet dream” about them, for me it’s men, men, men.

But, for all of that, I don’t care who (or even what) you’re screwing provided everyone is an adult and participation is entirely voluntary. Or how many are invited to the party, for that matter. Unless I’m involved it’s none of my business.

I do get cranked about folks who insist I’m somehow only fooling myself, homophobic, lying, or repressed. I’m not. I just don’t get off on girls. Just because you’re bi doesn’t mean I am. And no, I don’t care to “try it” and I don’t think I’m missing anything.

Once had someone call me a sexual cripple because I’m only attracted to half the human race :rolleyes:

A little insulting don’t you think? I mean, I have higher standards than that - probably only interested in about 1/10 the human race. I mean, there are lots of guys I’m not interested in, either.

I also have been called a freak for being willing to have sex with a crippled guy. Well, screw that noise, I’m a very happy camper being married to the gimp and I long ago stopped trying to please idjits and bigots, regardless of flavor or stripe. Wish people would stop worrying so darn much about this stuff.

22

Umm I’m probably a Kinsey 2, I like men lots, and women a bit.
I’m Christian.

Don’t really feel there is an element of choice in the matter, you’re either attracted to someone or you aren’t.

It’s a big rainbow coloured spectrum, and it’s better to just let everyone get on with it.

23

Straight, Christain female here.

I don’t care what you do the the sack. It only becomes my business if you invite me in.

If it’s cool with you and your SO, enjoy it.

24

My SO and I are both bisexual. We’re open about our attractions to other people (we both have a weakness for Italian men and Scandinavian women), but don’t act on them. We’ve found each other and make each other happy. It isn’t a big deal to either one of us, and as it is no one else’s business, things are fine all over.

25

Hi, robgruver

I guess I’m a 1 on Kinsey (I can see why women are considered fuckable, just don’t have any inclination to do it; and I think gay sex is seriously hot). As long as you’re not hurting anyone (or anything) else, have at it.

26

And he gets laughs with that? Even my brother has a better comedy routine on bisexuality:

“Duck Season!”
“Wabbit Season!”
“DUCK SEASON!”
“WABBIT SEASON!”

27

Too-old-to-be-a-babydyke checking in.

As most people have said, if it’s not me you are shagging, I don’t really care who you are shagging.

IMHO, the problem bi-people face is the same problem any minority (why do I always want to type report after that now?) faces, in that a small number of people are fucking it up for all the rest of you.

I have run in to so many of the Evil Bisexuals™ at various times that I almost went under to the (much too prevelant) anti-bi feeling in the gay community. Amongst the Evil Bisexuals you have, amongst others, the kind of girl and guy mentioned by QueerGeekGirl that will make out purely to get the attention of the opposite sex; you have the dreaded Alibisexual who is queer as a clockwork orange, but tells all his/her straight friends s/he’s bi; the slutty bi (not a bad thing in itsself of course :D) who cheats on you and then goes “but you knew I was bi, I have to have fill-in-the-blanks on the side, to be whooooollllleee”, hmm, I guess slutty wasn’t the point there as much as just plain assholey.

I think part of the resentment within the gay community too is how some bi peoples way of being bi is to be gay when with somone of the same sex, and straight when with somone of the opposite sex. Again, I have run into quite a few people who have basically two completely separate sets of friends, watering-holes, etc that they switch back and forth between and don’t keep touch with when on the flipside.

Please don’t crucify me now! As I said, for me, I am happy if you are happy :smiley: I was just trying to give an honest opinion on where some of the anti-bi-bias in the gay community comes from based on the scene I hung out in ten years ago. Shit, I really am too old to be a baby-dyke anymore…

Iteki - has a birthday coming up too damned fast :frowning:

28

I have a problem with the definition of “bisexual.”

I also have a problem with people who try to fit people into definitions of bi, gay and straight.

To give you some background, I’m a woman who’s in a wonderful, committed relationship with my best friend, who happens to be a man. We’ve been together for eight years. I love men, and have always considered myself hetero.

I’ve slept with two women. They were both good friends, they were wonderful, fun experiences, and I loved them both but wasn’t 'in love" with either of them.

Based on the above, most people consider me bisexual. I’ve slept with another woman, after all! But I’ve had both bi and gay friends tell me they DON’T consider me bi, because I don’t feel I could ever be in love with another woman, and could never commit to a life with them, like I could with a man. So to them, I am considered hetero.

A few analogies come to mind.

In the 80s I was a journalist, and I did a series of stories about AIDS and HIV. After a series of long conversations, both me and all of my interviewees subscribed to the “green theory.”

It simply says this: If we all woke up tomorrow morning, and all of our secret thoughts and dreams were known, and if we ever had a fantasy about a schoolmate of the same sex, or a crush on a teacher of the same sex … in essence, if we had ever had a sexual thought about anyone of the same sex, EVER … we would wake up with green skin. What a revelation that would be! I don’t have a site or quote, but believe that same-sex fantasies are pretty common in early adolescence - perhaps throughout life.

I have another analogy in mind, but it isn’t fit to post on the SDMB.

My gay friends are GAY, no question about their motives or lifestyles. They do take issue with those who discount the “green theory” though.

So, to the OP, I have absolutely no problem with you, and salute you for your courage in posting here. I’m sure we’ve both learned a lot.

I’d also be interested to hear your own definition of bisexual. Is it the act, the fantasy, or the commitment? I’ve heard arguements all ways, and have always been curious and loved the debate.

Respectfully,
Plexuss

29

I knew showing you RHPS at too early an age was gonna have a price!

30

Straight agnostic here. It almost seems like bisexual people almost get the best of both worlds- both gay and straight. I personally, have no problem with them at all.

31

Straight pagan checking in here.

Just my 2 cents, if Bi people are conficted (and I don’t really know if they all are, but I think some are) then that just makes them…Human. I’m conflicted about a lot of stuff. My sexuality doesn’t happen to be one of those things, but I’m not about to jump on somebody else for that.

I think, in general, you’re gonna get this type of answer here, because most people here are tolerant, open minded people. Unfortunately, we live in a weird country where a small but loud fraction of the people seem to get to make all the rules.

Did you hear today that the Christians got Wal-mart to ban Maxim, Stuff and FHM from their magazine racks. There’s not even any actual nudity in there! I’ll bet if I spent all day taking a poll in the parking lot, maybe 1% of the people would give a shit. But for some reason that 1% gets listened to more than the rest of us 99% normal people.

This country is fucked up. Why does the Moral Minority get to drive all the time?

Oh, and for the record, I really wish my GF was Bi.

32

Oh, shhh, I was… what, eleven, twelve? That’s CLEARLY old enough!

Now, if I start getting interested in Tim Curry lookalike drag queens instead of just pretty boys with long hair, THEN you should worry.

– elfbabe, who is not currently a regular Frankie fan in THAT way

33

Female 2 non-practicing any organized religeion but spiritual person here.

I have been predominantly in hetero relationships all of my life with a few bi additions to my sex life. Last spring I met a gay woman and we just hit it off. It was a pretty wild time in my life as far as the party scene but the reaction we got was incredibly immature. Guys I had known for a long time as just friends were suddnely trying to jump in our action or at least watch. Gay friends were getting pissed off and telling me I had to pick either being a lesbian or hanging with my regular guy crowd and I think it’s all fucking assanine. I can have any friends I want and sleep with who I want. None of them pay my mortgage.

There are all kinds of people and regardless of what side of the fence y ou fall on there are some predjudiced people but just fly with what fits you and sometimes it might be one thing and other times another. Make yourself happy.

On a side note, the woman I was involved with ended up sleeping with a guy I introduced her to. (her first) She totally freaked out and did all this self assesment wondering if she was really Bi…sigh. If it feels right, then do it.

34

Ah, it is all becoming clear now. Yes, when I hear the term “bisexual” I always envisage someone who is hypersexual, and this makes sense because bisexuals by definition are turned on by more different things than heterosexuals are. From this I gather that they are also turned on more easily and more frequently, which may or may not be true.

Can married people be bisexual while still being monogamous? I am a woman, and I am having sexual relations with a man. By the vows of my marriage, I will never again have sexual relations with anyone else. Wouldn’t labelling myself bisexual at this point imply that I will not be faithful to my husband? Ergo, only promiscuous people (um, or single people) are bisexual.

MrVisible, good point, I think if I were homosexual I’d be suspicious of bisexuals too.

I’m sure it must be easier being in a heterosexual relationship, so anybody who would be content in one as such would be silly to go through the pain of a same-sex relationship.

35

Another bi chick checking in. Aside from a brief fling with a psycho-chickie back in high school (my taste in humans was quite abysmal back then) that didn’t result in anything more than some intense kissing, my experiences have been solely with men. For all outside appearances, I am functioning as a heterosexual.

You know what’s really irritating? The person who says that I can’t be bi until I’ve been with-been with a woman. The person who hits on me because I’m bi, and they’re bi, so we must both be slavish whores, let alone that we’re hardly even attracted to each other. Those are the only negative reactions that I’ve gotten from people, and those aren’t really negative, just annoying.

I will say that there are some people on both ends of the Kinsey spectrum who insist–insisit!–that I must like only one gender and be fooling myself when I say that I like the other. I’ve even gotten the “you’re only doing it to be cool” spiel, something I greatly resented, as I’m a monogamous little chickie and hence my sexual proclivity for both sexes will probably never result in a threesome or a free show for a potential significant other. If I wanted to be cool, I’d get a tattoo or pierce my nose or something.

Most people are pretty cool about it, though.

36

I’ve kicked in my 2¢ worth of opinion on the subject before, but here goes. Some of which has been echoed by other posters.

  1. Most self-labelled bi’s are not very bisexual. In some cases they’re homosexuals who are unable to come to terms with their sexuality and in others they’re heterosexuals who find occasional sexual attraction towards members of the same sex who possess a physical attribute that they themselves lack.

  2. Don’t confuse bisexual and polyamorous behavior…the two don’t always go hand in hand.

  3. There’s as much, if not more, negative attitudes toward bisexuals in the gay community as there is in the straight world. On the other side of the coin, there’s a substantial minority of people from both groups who find being with a bi a big turn-on.

  4. Don’t limit your circle of friends to any one group.

  5. Don’t play the victim game. Too many bis walk around with this shitty, “I don’t fit in with either group” mentality.

  6. Being that you’re already married, I seriously doubt you’re looking for anything substantial - but if you ever are, be open and honest with every prospective date you have.

  7. Scales are for weighing mass, not sexuality.

  8. Wrap that rascal

37
  1. Keeping score (“4 men, and 61 women”) seems a bit juvenile & gauche.
38

But it ain’t necessarily so. Some are turned on by looks, others by wit and intelligence, others again by leather wear. And none of these things have to have anything to do with gender. Bisexuals aren’t turned on by all men and women they meet any more than straights or gays are turned on by everyone they run into of the opposite/same sex. It’s not just a question of tits or not.

Why would that imply that you won’t be faithful? You might as well say that being heterosexual means you can’t be faithful because you will still meet other attractive members of the opposite sex. Being bisexual doesn’t automatically mean that you “gotta have both” all the time. To quote myself from a different thread:

“We [edit: the SO and I] don’t have an open relationship, and there’s no way I’d even consider cheating on him, be it with girls or boys. I don’t have to have both to feel “whole”… (To me that sounds a bit like a flimsy excuse for a bit on the side.)”

And:

“Being as I am in a relationship with a person of the opposite sex, I suppose I could’ve named myself straight and gotten away with it, but that doesn’t sit right with me somehow. I started coming out of the closet “for real” before I met the current SO, and I don’t really see any reason for stepping back in:)”

From Big Gay Realization Stories on this board.

39

My point here was not to be juvinile nor gauche, but to show exactlly how many people I have been with. It is not keeping score. I can also name all 65 people, both first and last name, and can most likely tell you everyone’s last known phone number, so before you jump off the handle labeling me childish, please get the whole story.

Your other points are valid though.

I define bisexual as being someone who is attracted to both sexes. This does not limit itself to just sex though, as it can cover love, marriage, etc. As I said in my OP I did not want to cut off half the population when I was trying to find the right person. I just happened to find a woman.

Overall it seems that a majority of Dopers have the live and let live attitude, but are there people who have gotten the opposite reaction from the outside world? Although I have never been subject to any harm, there have been some strong words spoken about me by others who do not have open minds.

40

My experience (albeit limited) with the gay male community is a pretty harsh age break in attitude towards bisexuals.

The older crowd tends to think things like “bi today, gay tommorow” or simply admit to not getting it (which is probably much more honest). The younger one gets (at least with bi males), the more accepting one finds the community.

I think bisexual females see less acceptance within the gay community because of the “boyfriend bis” already mentioned in the thread. I’ll admit it does get under my skin when some ditz in the big city (boyfriend bi doesn’t fly well in rural America from all I’ve seen) frenches her friends for free drinks and cockteasing, abusing the freedoms those honest to God bisexuals before her struggled so hard to win alongside their gay brethren. Its disrespectful and devalues same sex relationships for the sake of titillating her suitors.

They can burn.