Have a nice sit down conversation with her and just explain that you’ll both do your jobs better if you think the other one’s being rude, but won’t respond to it. Some people are just beyond reason
I have a feeling people think you talk down to them.
Actually, it’s about ethics in gaming journalism.
#notallmen
That’s a really interesting comment. A few people have said that they feel I’m condescending. It blows my mind because I strive to be kind and treat everyone like smart individuals. In college I noticed that the computer lab attendants were patronizing and snotty when people asked them questions and I swore I would never be like that. And yet this does seem to be a perception people have about me. Can you elaborate on why you say this? Maybe it will give me a clue what I’m doing wrong when relating to people.
If you feel the need to define a word as you’re using it, you should either know your audience well enough that using a word like “terse” might not resonate with them, or trust that they understand the language well enough that you don’t need to hold their hand through your personal vernacular.
Right. The OP kind of rubbed me the wrong way by telling me what “terse” means. There are a lot of words that I have to reach for a dictionary to understand, but “terse” ain’t one of them. And if someone told me that “terse” is value-neutral and that I am being oversensitive for taking offensive to it…that would definitely make me roll my eyes. Sitting through a vocabulary lesson is bad enough. Sitting through one that is wrong is worse.
Ahh, jeez, I’m a dope. Not the kind the forums named for, though, lol! I just looked it up and you guys are right.
I admit I miss nuances of social interactions. What’s funny to me is that I’ve referred to myself as terse in front of people on numerous occasions and they’ve never said anything about it. it allowed me to thnk it was a value-neutral word.
Don’t be fooled by people not responding with an observable reaction to you describing yourself with an ambiguous adjective; it doesn’t necessarily mean that they place the same semantic value on it that you do.
And, absent an invitation to comment on a person’s overall vibe, one would probably do well to not volunteer any observations.
Unless perhaps one is motivated to burn a bridge with that person.
I think everyone is constantly learning. Or should be, anyway. So don’t feel bad about your mistakes. This is just one coworker, and she probably has difficulty with other people, not just you.
Just say you’re a little confused - does she mean x or y scenario? Failing that you have to get on the phone. Some things are better discussed verbally.
Does that sound terse? I’ve had people say ’ jeez Boo - soften it up a bit’.
Hey, we all learn and make mistakes. But the first defintion here for “terse” is:
So, that’s where the miscommunication may be, partly.
I have a lot of experience with in the field of inadvertently upsetting people. I should write a book.
What does WTF mean?
(runs away quickly…)
Yeah, terse is probably not what she’s going for. Try laconic, instead.
I get the feeling the OP isn’t that old, because of the way she peppers her posts with “lol,” particularly when I don’t believe she really laughed out loud. So, TerseChick may be getting scolded by someone younger than she is. Or someone her own age who tries to act “with it,” which is even more annoying.
No we’re not! You are! <sob>
If it didn’t matter that you understood, what was the point about emailing her for clarification?
Well, one would hope that the clarification would, you know, clarify. But we don’t always get what we want. In other words, I didn’t feel like asking for a clarification a second time, so I dropped it. I’m impatient.
IMO, the problem wasn’t the specific nuances of the exact word you used. The problem was that you told her what was wrong with her communication style.
Roderick Femm put it really well in post 8. Focus on the specific situation and on what you need from it. Don’t focus on her, her general communication style, what’s wrong with her communication style, her defensiveness, what’s wrong with her entire interaction style, or anything else. It doesn’t matter whether you pick the right word or the wrong one for any of that stuff; it still leaves you wide open to any amount of drama, and - as you found out - it won’t get you the clarification you wanted to begin with.
Just ask for the info you need. If she does try to drag you into drama, repeat the question. (‘Are you trying to say that I’m not capable of communicating?!’ ‘I’m just not clear whether “frimfram at the krotz” means I should do a, or b, or a then b, or something else. Could you clarify? Thanks.’) As many times as necessary.
Another thing I’ll do is send an invoice for what I understand to be required. That usually will have them respond more clearly if the invoice is not how they want it.