Damnit. I do know how to use punctuation, honestly.
Overheard at the Shakespear festival:
“There is no way anyone is going to mistake her for a dude! I mean, look at the tits on that f$*-animal!”
How is Rap like Porn? Both are better with the sound turned off.
A couple nights ago I was in Wal-Mart. I walked past an employee who was talking to another worker on a portable radio. He said, “tell him to stop whining about it and just clean it up!” I could only wonder what the mess in question could have been. :eek:
The BBc used to run a feature about overheard conversations on one of its quiz programmes. A couple I can remember are " It wasn’t untill he had left that I found the sawdust on the sofa "
Two old ladies remarking about a newly opened Chinese restaurant in a small English market town :- " I didn’t think that there were that many Chinese living in Bishop’s Stortford "
I used to have one of those police scanners that could pick up frequencies above the 800mhz(mhz?) range where all the cell phones signals are and it was a fantastic way to kill time. And I killed a bunch of time. I have to say, there are a lot of conversations that are better left unheard. I heard a lot of scream sessions, bet placing, phone sex, various illegal shit and generally stuff that I was no better off hearing in the first place.
I sure wish I still had that thing.
Overheard on the band bus:
“You did what to who’s dog for how many cookies?!”
We repeated this for years in elevators and in long lines.
Looks like my post didn’t stay last time. Lets try again…
Not and overheard conversation but an intercepted text messege. Which I figure is close enough.
A male friend was out of credit and used my phone to text his friend. A while later a get a text from a guy called Dave going something like
“Hey babe, just finished the exam. I’ll c ya soon. Love you. Dave”
I didn’t know anyone called Dave. I mentioned the wierd text to my friends later. The male friend who had borrowed my phone said it was for him, and Dave was the guy he texted. A few hours had passed so I’d forgoten what the text ACTUALLY said.
Later, as I sat on the bus. It dawned on me. He’s gay. He told me himself a while later and i got to meet Dave.
My brother used to own one of those police scanners, and me and my mom would swipe it while he was at work and listen to it for hours. We heard alot of breakups, fights, and boring phone calls, but the most memorable conversation had to be one between two old ladies who were obsessed with Donny and Marie Osmond.
I mean, really obsessed. They would call each other every night and pretend that they were members of the Osmond family. Their conversation would start with a half hour argument over who got to be Marie. They would try to keep tabs over who had been Marie last time, but they got confused easily, so they would bring up old fights and faults of the other person to win the argument. Example: “You were Marie last time! Yes you were! Uh-huh! You were so! There’s nothing wrong with my memory! My ham is not dry! At least I don’t lie about my age.”
Hilarious stuff. After they had that established, they would create entire monolouges of not only Donny and Marie, but the rest of the crew. And it was boring stuff, but they seemed to know everything about them.
Little old lady trying to fake a deep voice: “Hi Marie! How was your day?”
Marie: “It was good. I had peach cobbler, and I saw a movie.”
Lolttfadv: “That’s good. I had ice cream today. Have you talked to Jimmy?”
Marie: “No, I’ll call him. Bye… Ring”
Lolttfadv: “Hello?”
Marie: “Hi Jimmy, it’s Marie!”
They would do the entire family, and sometimes they would pretend to be 3 people at a time. It was so completely insane. The 2 conversations we managed to catch lasted for about 2 hours. I really, really, wish I could have taped it.
I had a strange phone invasion one stormy day. I was chatting with my bestest pal when we began hearing some clicks and static then silence for a heartbeat.
I said, “hello?” and got no response from my friend but heard a very muffled, low voice reply with, "you gonna do it…?
Gonna do what, I wondered in silence and before I could answer back with a “oops, our lines have crossed”, another low, muffled voice replied, “yeah…”
More silence for a few seconds then I whispered, “Jennie?”
“What?”, she whispered back and I thought we had given the game away with that but the two strange voices apparantly never heard us because they kept going with their own conversation.
“Where ya wanna meet?”, Stranger #1.
Oooooh, this sounded mysterious… ominous… what was going on? I stayed quiet a moment, willing my friend to also be quiet and in a moment of true psychic friendship (we so knew what the other was thinking, as best pals often do!) we listened, unbeknownst to the muffled strangers.
“I don’t know…”, Stranger #2.
Needless to say, this lively chat dragged on for a bit, keeping us riveted to our phones.
“I got the stuffffffff…”, Stranger #1 (Yes, he drew it out just like that).
(Silence. I swear I could hear my pal breathing like a horny hippo in heat! They can hear us, I thought in a panic!)
“Good…”, Stranger #2, still amazingly NOT hearing us!
(More silence. I wanted to scream out, “For God’s sake, TALK!”, at this point but I physically held it in… barely.)
“So… where ya wanna meeeeeeet?”, Stranger #1.
(More of my pal’s huffing. They know, they know!)
“Tonight…”, Stranger #2. (They don’t know!)
“Yeah, tonight but where?”, Stranger #1.
(It seemed to be getting up to speed at this point. Silent parts were getting shorter but no less mysterious!)
“Don’t know…”, Stranger #2.
(I gripped the phone with white knuckles, trying not to blurt out in frustrated annoyance, “Just name a place, you friggin’ moron! TALK!”. It would have been a bad, bad thing, I think, to let them know they had an audience. I wondered if Jennie felt the same.)
“Think of somewheres…”, Stranger #1. (YES, think, you fool! THINK!)
“Mebbe, Scott’s…”, Stranger #2 offered lamely. (YEAH, SCOTT’S! Finally, damn.)
(More static and then a weird humming… silence resumes.)
I waited a moment and then tried again, “Jennie?”
(One second, two… )
“Yeah?”
“Hello, hello, hello!?”, I rang out loudly and she laughed.
“Just me again”, she announced and we proceeded to ponder out the significance of this strange crossing of the phones lines for the rest of our chat.
It was odd, it was an enigma, and it was FUNNY that they couldn’t hear us! I’ve often wondered about that conversation and if those two mental giants ever actually met, and what the “stufffff” might have been. Perhaps, twas the lamest drug buy ever accidentally overheard.
Hilarious.
Overhead in the hall at school:
Girl: “Three fourths? Isn’t that, like, 50%?”
I often wonder how much I must contribute to stuff like this. Like yesterday when I was bellowing “Damn those coconuts!”
I think Joyfulgirl wins for the most bizarre.
I was in Barnes and Noble and I overheard one of the employees talking on the phone. It was along the lines of yes, sir, we’ll take care of it. He hung up and told his coworker “He even told me the website was down.”
Seriously, what did he expect them to do about that?
I swear this really happened. I was riding in the club car of a cross-country train. Opposite me was a tough-looking guy sitting at a table with his son, who appeared to be about four years old. The father was drinking a beer.
Suddenly, the kid spoke up:
Kid: Daddy, hide it!
Father: What?
Kid: Daddy, put that away!
Father: What are you talking about?
Kid: But Daddy, the cop will get you!
Father: There’s no cop. I’m not driving. Be quiet!
Kid: Daddy?
Father: What?
Kid: Is the cop going to put you in jail?
Father: I told you there’s no cop. How can you remember that? You were only two years old.
Kid: Daddy?
Father: What?
Kid: Are you going to throw the cop in the water?
Father: There’s no cop! Now be quiet!
Kid: Daddy, why did you throw the cop in the water?
Father: Well, the cop made Daddy mad, so Daddy picked him up and threw him in the river.
LMAO! That was hilarious!
I heard an angry woman talking to someone on a cell phone while on my way to class. The conversation went something like this-
“That doesn’t matter anymore. I said, that doesn’t matter anymore. THAT DOESNT MATTER ANYMORE! SHUT UP! Look, either you come through with your end of the agreement, or its YOUR fucking car payment!”
For some reason, this story makes me sad.
I was in the Medical Dept snack bar when I was at universtity listening to three medical students discussing what they where going to give up for lent.
The where talkking about the usual chocholate etc when one girl said “I plan to give up vegitarianism for lent” …
I have laughed about it for years.
At a rather nice restaurant about a month ago, my friends and I overhead a guy a couple tables away ask “Why would her mother want to inject the chickens?”
Of course, the line was repeated many times over the next few days.
Susan and I are at dinner in a nice little restaurant near the Chesapeake Bay. In walk two couples. Both men are probably in their mid-60s, maybe 70. Tan, dressed well, looking very expensive. The woman (girls?) they’re with are blonde, stunning, stacked, dripping jewelry. The two guys get up to go the bathroom and one blonde says to the other:
“You know, sweetie, you can marry more money in 5 minutes than you can make in a lifetime.” They both laughed so hard I thought they’d wet their pants.
And people say blondes are stupid.