Amusing Overheard Halves of Phone Conversations

I’m listening to my husband upstairs. He often has late night calls to other countries. He’s grumpy with the guy he’s talking to, and he’s talking really slowly because there’s a language barrier. He does mostly understand the language the guy is speaking, though.

So I just heard him say, “No, I absolutely understand what you just said. The problem remains that you have no idea what you’re talking about in any language.”

You probably had to be here, but it’s cracking me up a lot.

Every overheard half a conversation that was amusing?

Woman on a cell phone walking down the street*

“Yes I am telling you I got pregnant when all we were doing was wining(say wine-ing think dry hump dancing) I mean it is true he is just that good”

I had to stifle to urge to tell her she might want to take sex ed 101.

Just tell her to go on-line and read up on how is babby formed. (Are you sure she said she got pregnant and not pragnent?)

I have to link to this sketch.

You’re welcome.

I’m treated to hours of coworker half-conversations every week. The first snippet that comes to mind is, “I’m not talking about religion, I’m talking about GOD!”

My wife overheard a woman answering her cell phone while in the other stall (one of only two) at the women’s rest room at a restaurant. This woman had been in there a while, as my wife had waited in line for some time and had observed the 2 people ahead of her going in and then coming out of the other stall before going to use that one herself, yet had not seen this person go into the first stall.

“Hi, <guy’s name>. […] Yes, that’s the right restaurant. I’m here, too. […] I’ve been here for a while! […} Well, I don’t know why you can’t find me!”

My wife took this cue to flush and exit the stall while banging the inward-opening door open on the way to the sink. I always wonder how that one-sided conversation continued after that.

I would have yelled “SHES HIDING IN THE WOMENS ROOM” loud enough for the guy to hear it.

But then, I’m a man, so if I’d have been there then, I’d be in jail now.

Nearby woman on a cell phone in the middle of the lobby we were both standing in: “Yeah, I just learned today what a Yield sign means.”

She was at least 30. I would love to know what she had been doing at Yield signs for the years prior to this epiphany.

Friend on the phone:

I’m out having a drink with [TriPolar]


You know who he is you met him


He’s the one that looks like he kills people and buries them in his backyard.

Yes! That [TriPolar]

[hunching down a bit like you’re telling a secret, speaking low and slow]

I have a spot for you too…

This wasn’t a phone conversation, just a conversation in an ice cream shop where one participant was much louder than the other: “My friend is a Bulgarian swordsman! Nothing gets past him.”

I was once standing in line for lunch when one of the college students behind me said “And then the cops came in through the window and shot Gary, so we all ran like hell.”

I hope he was talking about a role-playing game or something.

i once did work experience with a guy who was into old text adventure games, the office was slow and he was always getting calls and you’d hear conversations like:

no… no you’ll need a ladder

have you got a rope?

then they’d get wierder…

did you talk to the dwarf… no… the second goblin knows nothing

make sure you bury the body…

Also not a phone conversation, but I was once at Rutt’s Hut, a somewhat sketchy hot dog joint in deepest Jersey, and 2 big dudes in nice suits were walking out as I was walking in. I overhear just this:

“Don’t worry – we’re gonna make you an angel.

Neither of these guys looked like they were going to make anybody an angel. But still: Christmas crafts? Part in the school play?

This is not so amusing, perhaps, but back in the days when people still used payphones, I was at some trucker restaurant somewhere in Nevada. Coming back from the bathroom, I stopped at a vending machine for something (I forget what) and heard a big biker-type guy on the payphone say “If you want me to make him disappear so that he can’t be found, it’ll cost you five grand.” I rushed back to the table to tell my brother I had just heard a mob hit being planned! He didn’t believe me. Thinking back, I bet that my suspected hit man saw a young kid standing there eavesdropping and decided to mess with him by talking tough on the phone.

In New York (the Museum of Modern Art, IIRC), three youngish businessman types walked by, and I heard one tell the others “All in all, I think he was better off with the cocaine!”

Casting agents for a modeling agency? :smiley:

On the (crowded) train going to work a pediatrician was talking (in a non-whispering voice) about the next steps in treatment plan after enema failed to rectify the clog. Both disgusting & illegal since she was kind enough to mention the patient’s name. She obviously never learned the meaning of “discrete” or “confidential”.

Overheard in a train with an amazingly low amount of noise for the people it was carrying:

“But how can the baby not be your husband’s? Don’t be daft!”

Well, you see, when a man and a woman like each other very much and they’re not husband and wife, baby can still happen.

I was in line at the returns counter at Circuit City years back and my phone rang. My side went:

“WHAT? Explosion?? Well Jesus Christ, is everyone OK? Wow! Evacuation?? No way! OK Ok Ok…don’t panic. Yes, bring the cats over to my house and I"ll be there in an hour or so. Yes, no worries. OK. Bye” and I went back to standing in line waiting for my return. Finally one of the wide eyed people in line turns around and goes “OK, What the hell was THAT about??”

The house next door to my sister’s had a gas explosion and they were evacuating the neighborhood- no one hurt, just clearing everyone out while they fixed things. since no one was hurt I was in “Oh, OK” calm mode telling her to come over and not to worry. Everyone else was like “What fucking explosion??? Where???”