Amusing Overheard Halves of Phone Conversations

Ooh, I got one where I was the overheard half.

My sister broke her arm pretty spectacularly - a spiral fracture - so my mom called to leave me a voice mail and passed the phone to her. She sings out in this melodramatic voice “Oooh, the pain, the paaaaaain!” and then proceeds to tell me she’s all right, etc.

I get the voice mail while waiting in O’Hare for a flight back to DC and my friends hear me bust a gut laughing. They ask me what was so funny and I say “Well, see, my sister broke her arm…”

Last night:

“I was watching the Criminal Minds marathon when I really had to shit, and I had diarrhea for half a day!”

CM is a video laxative, you heard it here!

Extremely Indignent and Emphatic Guy on pay phone:

I bought a gun by myself, I got a tatoo by myself, I can certainly go to the movies by myself.

Can’t argue with that line of reasoning.

Back in college, I had a “split single” dorm room - there was a door between the two sides, and if you wanted to you’d get one half and a friend would get the other. I didn’t know the girl on the other side, though, so the door was always closed (and in fact my loft bed was in front of it.) But late at night I’d hear her breaking up with her boyfriend on the phone through the door (it was evidently a months long process) and then have to look her in the eye in the bathroom the next day. The most memorable was her howling for AGES about “But I sucked your toes! I SUCKED YOUR TOES!”