Loudly, from the female passenger in a pickup truck outside a pharmacy in Springfield, Ohio “Well, if you didn’t want to pay for the prescription, then you shouldn’t have given me the stupid STD!”
Overheard at the Black Canyon of the Gunnison, CO: It’s so effin’ deep you’d starve to death before you hit the bottom.
Minister’s kid from the front row of the church during communion service; I want lunch, too!
From a random butt-dial I received at work:
Girl: - Hehehee nooo! Hehe no!
Guy - Aww, come on. Come on, why not?
Girl - Hehehe no!
Guy - Come on, why not?
Girl - Hehe because I’m afraid of Mexican dick!
I heard once on the bus that being pro-choice meant sacrificing babies to Ba’al.
I’m particularly fond of this one overheard at a museum display of Egyptian funerary art:
“How did the Egyptians know there was an afterlife? Jesus wasn’t born yet.”
The all-time classic:
Just this morning as I’m walking past some cubes in my office: “…Yeah, it goes up, down, vibrates…” This was a middle aged guy to a middle aged lady.
About two months ago, waiting for the light to change when a guy in a suit comes strolling by on his cell phone. “Of course I weigh more today, I have an erection.”
whatisthisidon’teven.
I was walking in a parking lot about 10 years ago when a car came racing into the lot and screeched to a stop. A woman yelled out “BUT HOW ARE WE GOING TO PAY FOR AN ABORTION!?”
Overheard this outside a coffee shop in Portland ME:
Dude 1
Do you have a lighter?
Dude 2
No, sorry, I don’t smoke.
Dude 1
I didn’t ask if you fucking smoked.
Half of a cell phone conversation in a beach parking lot:
No, “phagia” means you like to eat it, “philia” means use you like to hump it.
…
Oh, good, that not as bad. I mean, either way it’s still poop, but, you know…:eek:
I’ve mentioned this before: MOMA in New York, three suits come around the corner just as one says to the others “On the whole, I think he was better off with the cocaine.”
I was in line at a French-style bakery in North Carolina. On display they have French macaroncookies, with a little sign that said “Macarons, [price].”
Lady 1: No, they don’t have coconut or anything - these are something different.
Lady 2 (with a fairly heavy southern accent): But it *says *“Macaroons!”
It was just such a stereotypical American/Southern ethnocentric expression of annoyance and frustration, I had to giggle that it came with the perfect redneck accent.
I used to work in a housing project. I was making a phone call behind the desk when one of the support workers passed a resident coming down the stairs. This resident was bearded, six foot plus and had a deep, broad Yorkshire accent - think Sean Bean with a hangover. He was also our house cross dresser, but usually only expressed that outside of his room by throwing a flowery kimono over his sweats.
Support Worker: Hiya, Wayne. (Support Worker blinks at Wayne’s glowering expression, lacy thigh highs, heels, mini skirt and hairy chest.) Everything okay?
Wayne: NO. AH’M NOT FUKKEN OKAY. AH CAN’T FIND MAH FUKKEN BRA.
Back when W. was President, I was walking past the break room at work when I heard the vending machine guy telling someone “I don’t know why everyone makes fun of Bush. He’s a Rhodes Scholar too.”
Way back in the mid 80’s, my college roommate overheard the following exchange between two teens at the table behind him in a sandwich shop where he was having lunch. A Lynyrd Skynyrd song was playing on the radio.
Teen 1: I really like this song.
Teen 2: Yeah me too. What ever happened to these guys?
Teen 1: I don’t know… I think they broke up.
I found myself in Chicago Chinatown right before Election Day 2012. We were staying in this fleabag hotel, and as I was trying to sleep I heard glass breaking outside.
Then some guy yells “Fucking Obama!”
(more glass breaking)
“Fucking Romney!”
(more glass breaking)
“You both suck!”
(more glass breaking)
“some more unintelligible ranting as he made his way down the street”
(one more glass breaking)
No clue what brought that on, and no signs of any broken glass in the morning. My boyfriend slept through the whole thing.
At church during announcements, the upcoming nuptials were announced for a couple named Rob and Laura. The couple in front of me immediately turned to each other with a big smile, saying ‘The Petries!’ Several of us within earshot began giggling.
Anatomy of a break-up:
"He said, ‘I didn’t mean to hurt you, I was just in a bad place’. I said, “Yes, someone else’s bed.’”
Overheard in the break room:
“Oh my gawwwd. This store I went to Saturday just had the cutest guys working there!”
“Oooo! Where?”
“It was a ski shop. I was buyin’ ski gloves for my brother. Oh. Let me think.
It had a German name.
Hmmm.
Oh! I got it!
Barbarian Village!”
A Roman would completely agree with that name.
From someone who should have known better, looking at a sex offender record:
“Digital penetration? Uh, digital? Like, a camera?”