I’m like 150# overweight and I’ve been going to the gym regularly for about a year now, and I was going regularly for a few years before that. I’ve been a regular in the pool, the weight room and now on the elliptical machines.
Maybe it’s because I’m at the community rec center and not Gold’s Gym but no one has ever said a damn thing to me or made me feel uncomfortable. Everyone talks to me, people smile, guys help me with form in the weight room.
Most days, I am the fattest person there. Rarely do I ever see very many FAT people or if I do, they don’t come for very many days. That makes me sad.
Anyway, I’ve never had a problem getting out there and doing my thing. Three things keep me going:
I’ve learned from this board that people think all overweight people are lazy idiots and they all want me to get off my ass and do something and I would be so healthy if I JUST TRIED! So I always feel like everyone else is happy to see me taking their good (if unsolicited) advice.
I am fat in my clothes, so it’s no surprise if I am fat in my swimsuit.
I’m pretty sure people of any size can be self-conscious about their bodies. See Zsofia’s comments above. I would love to be 20# overweight but would I be unhappy about that too? Probably. So I might as well learn to be ok at any size.
I’m pretty sure that self-consciousness while working out is in the mind of the beholder. If you’re working out you probably think your body needs work, and you’d prefer not to put your unfinished work out there on display.
Meh, I’m out there jiggling all over the place, I don’t care. I have another 12 kgs to lose and I’m done (and that will be more than half my bodyweight) plus I have the City to Surf to run next August (13K) and hopefully a sprint triathlon after that. Pretty sure my feet won’t handle a marathon, but maybe they will - might try that before the triathlon. Even after I lose 12kgs I won’t be thin - I’ll still be on the high side of my normal BMI range.
I don’t give a shit what people think when I run slowly by them. Honestly, why would I care? Just like they don’t care that I’m running this way due to injuries caused by a lifetime of being a fatass. People judged me when I weighed almost twice what I do now, and they will judge me when I’m well within my BMI. It’s how people are.
It might inspiring to others, but that’s not why I’m out there. Running (exercise in general really) is the most selfish thing I do. It’s all about me. I’m doing this for myself, and nobody else, and I’m enjoying it. If anything, it’s me that’s a smug bastard about it all, because I’m not making excuses anymore.
I’ve been running for about a year, after a considerable weight loss, and I am amazed by the number of women I see who are lapping me with more junk in the trunk than I ever had. Some races even have a special classification for people who are over a certain weight threshold – “Clydesdale” for men and “Athena” for women – in recognition that they are handicapped (in the sporting sense) by the extra weight they carry.
And when I was first working out in the gym, I sweated a lot. So I wore shorts and tank tops. Sure, all my flab was showing. But I was there for me. and everyone else was doing their own business. And you know what? I was IN THE GYM. I was working on it. And so were the people who were there who were even fatter than me, and I mentally cheered them on. They struggled a lot harder than the spandex gym bunnies and deserve a lot more credit.
You can’t live your live so as to please assholes. It’s YOUR life, so do what you please.
That said, I’m a bit of a slower runner, and I do get a little teeny bit internally annoyed when people pass me and say, “Good job!” as they go by. Like I’m a special snowflake. But I know they mean well and take it in the spirit in which it was given. Still, I guess I’d rather hear “Looking good!” or something like that. I have no idea why that would be less “offensive” to me, though. <shrug>
I’ve been assured by folks I know who have joined the work-out race that everybody starts out at Day 1 sometime, and what people think when they see someone out of shape working to get in shape is a reminder of how damn hard it was for themselves to get going at first. My sweetie is just over 400 pounds <though his medical tests are off the charts in perfection except for his weight, go figure> and I’m going to the gym with him even though I can’t stand gyms. (I just get bored; would rather do something more…I dunno. Active. But I digress> But if he can do it, I can do it…and nobody around him is going to wimp out when they see him working his ass off. I’m not either! So he’s my inspiration I still hate ‘working out’, lol. But eventually we’ll get to where we can do things more active together, and so it’s definitely worth it.
p.s. He doesn’t read this board, but…I am very proud of him. <3
Odds are they’re just trying to be polite and encouraging. Not because they think you are special or slow. For me, it feels more rude to run by someone (even a walker) without saying something. Saying nothing feels like I"m blowing them off and disregarding them as an athlete. I don’t always say something of course. Sometimes I’m concentrating on form/breathing/the trail/not-vomiting during a hard effort.
Other thoughts on the thread in general:
As mentioned earlier: if you’re out there doing it (running, jogging, walking, making forward progress) then you’re “in the club” as far as I’m concerned. Oncoming runners/walkers always get a wave and a smile from me. Shape/pace is irrelevant.
Just because you see someone moving slowly doesn’t mean they’re slow. Folks often to fast days and slow days. Maybe that’s their recovery day. I’ve been passed in races by folks 50-100 lbs heavier than me.
I’m not overweight but still have bits that jiggle, still get heckled by folks in cars, etc. For those who are self-conscious, maybe running with a group would help. It’s usually more fun anyway.
I disagree with you. While the change rarely comes from outside, I think most of the time when people have massive changes in attitude it really is a matter of deciding to say “You know what, I’m not going to be like that is any more.” It’s only after that that therapy or whatever can begin the work of breaking down old habits and developing new, healthier ones. But the first step of change is always deciding to change. You can’t go to a therapist and get anything out of it if you are still determined to hold on to your old ways.
Anyway, what it your answer? “Hey fat people! If you don’t want to work out because you are embarrassed, that’s fine! Eat a twinkie instead! Do whatever you want!” There is some small chance the the OP’s message will give someone the little reassurance they need to get moving. Your method solves nothing except enabling people to continue self-destructive behavior.
I bike, and I do get catcalls on my bike. Things like “SEXY!” or “Nice ride!” :rolleyes: Or just the plain old “You’re FAAAAAAAAAT!” :rolleyes: Whatever. Sure, it makes me feel self-conscious, but then I think, I am biking. They are sitting on their asses in their car.
If I could ask for anything it would be more women bikers around here. I have seen about three in the last year and all three of them have been super-svelte and sexy, and none of them doing the work commute - apparently that is a guy thing. I understand that because you get all sweaty, but there’s got to be someone that has decided to do the same as me!
As for comments like “Good job” - I definitely hear people saying that to even fit runners! That wouldn’t bother me at all. And I always exchange nods and waves to other bikers, and they never criticize me.
Again, it comes down to this. If someone is sitting on their asses in the car or on a porch mocking you, remember - THEY are sitting on their asses, and you know there was a moment where they felt guilty, too.
Acknowledging that something isn’t as easy as it looks to someone who has utterly no experience with it is not entirely the same as enabling self-destructive behavior. Pretending it is is naive at best.
Personally, I think going to a gym is the best solution for the self-conscious. I’ve never, ever seen someone heckle or harass another gym patron, but I’ve certainly seen it often enough out on the streets. People at the gym are generally there to do their own workout, and they don’t give even the tiniest crap what you are doing. It’s a nice haven for the self-conscious, even if it can be more boring than running outside. Even better is if you can find a gym that caters to people who are older or in physical therapy. Then you get a wide variety of ages and body types, so you feel less like you stick out like a sore thumb.
That’s a really nice post, **Cyningablod **, although I do understand where **rachelellogram ** is coming from as we’re a similar size and by the sounds of her post, have had similar life experiences.
That said, I’m a huge proponent of Health At Every Size. I do a lot of walking and I’ve actually never had a negative comment from other walkers, nor a patronizing one. Perhaps I’ve been lucky.
I’m really big, like 300+ lbs. I’ve been working out at a gym for more than a year now, and I still get embarrassed occasionally.
I was really self conscious in the beginning. My trainer had me doing all kinds of weird exercises (I have a bad foot and have some limits in that area) that made me feel embarrassed. I had to concentrate on what I was doing and why I was doing it. I was doing this for me, doing it because if I didn’t my weight was going to kill me.
I noticed people staring at me, and got looked down on and glared at by big bodybuilders. And I thought ‘Fuck those people, I’m doing this for me. If they stare at my flab bouncing around they get what they deserve.’
While you can’t just say ‘I’m not going to feel that way anymore’, you can change your attitude. You have to work at despite what you feel, it takes time and perseverance. Get out there and exercise even if you do feel embarrassed, it gets better.
Almost always when we think we know how people are perceiving us, not only are we wrong, (Mostly people are thinking about themselves!), but we are pretty clearly projecting. When you are imagining, what people are saying, to themselves or others, that’s all you. It’s much easier to ‘get over’ your fear, when you recognize it’s not the outside world, that’s messing with you, it’s you.
People admire determination, whatever shape or form, I think.
(It brings to mind parents having the no candy battle with their fit throwing child, at the store. They feel the eyes of the world on them judging them to be ineffective parents. The reality is that every parent within earshot would love to high five them, or give them a thumbs up, for their efforts, but dare not interject. There is an ocean between the two, it would seem.)
You’re right that they’re trying to be encouraging, but i can understand why you would be annoyed by it.
That’s why i try to avoid saying stuff like this when i encounter other runners, even if they’re clearly overweight and new to jogging. They don’t need me to patronize them. I just give everyone my Runner’s Greeting, which generally involves eye contact, a nod of the head, and sometimes a simile and/or a grunted salutation. It’s designed to be a businesslike, “We’re all in this together” type of greeting.
Oh yes they do. I hate gyms. I do highly recommend going to a woman’s gym or a specific gym. Don’t just to go anyone - you’ll end up surrounded by all kinds of beautiful people who glare at you for not knowing how to work the machines or only doing small weights. I wish there were more places like Average Joe’s gym, actually.
I’ve never been to a gym that was full of coeds or beautiful people, so I’m a bit biased. Maybe staking one out for a while in the morning and looking at who goes in would yield the best results.
The best shape I’ve ever been in was when I was a dumpy graduate student afraid to work out anywhere near the 18-year olds. Instead I did an hour of yoga in my apartment every night and walked everywhere. Looking back, I was not nearly as dumpy as I thought I was. I’d kill to be that dumpy now!
(Of course, hindsight is easy when it’s been 10 years, you’re pregnant, and you’re feeling especially bloated today.)
I’ve been running for a few years and got into ultramarathons. I’ve run two organized races, a 50 mile and a 100km trail run. In both of those, it’s been commonplace for runners to greet each other as they pass with “Good job”, “Looking good”, “Way to go” or something similar, they’re all pretty interchangeable. I’d take it in that spirit. It’s the camaraderie of the event, we’re all out there working hard and going at our own speed. I’m not terribly fast so I’ve said it to the hardcore speedsters who are on the way back before I’ve even hit the halfway point and I’ve also said it to folks who I could tell were not going to make the time cutoff but who were giving it their all in a very challenging run. No condescension, no special snowflake, just some shared suffering
As far as working out in the gym goes count me with the other people who do not give a fig what someone looks like or what shape they are in as long as they’re serious about what they are doing. It’s not a competition.
