Overweight and too self-conscious to jog or work publicly? Don't be.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
41

I’m just really surprised by this. I’m a big person too and honestly I feel more comfortable in a gym than many situations, e.g. trying on clothes or eating a Cinnabon. :wink: Plus, I truly relish when a young man looks at how much weight I’m lifting, how much weight he’s lifting, and he immediately starts lifting more. Or the surprised look I get when people see how high I can kick in cardio kickboxing class.

Maybe it’s just that people are Iowa-nice, or maybe I just pick the right gyms, but my experiences have been great. Sure, you get the occasional snobby person who’s not real friendly, but nobody’s really worked up the nerve to even make a snide comment at me. Sure, the jerks among the meatheads can get territorial, but that’s nothing about me being fat, it’s about me wanting to use one of the 50 different weights or pieces of equipment they’ll need in their set and that they want to have private use of for the entire time they are in the weight area. Nuts to them.

I applaud the OP. I’m fat, and I was fat when I started, but I’m in much better health and shape, I feel better, my anxiety level is so much lower, it’s great – and, back before I worked out, the #1 thing that stopped me is that I just assumed that it would be like gym class, and people would make fun of me. And, really, nobody does at all – not even when I get my fat, slow ass in a swimsuit, and into the pool during busy times. Not even when I tried, and was absolutely miserable at, Zumba – being uncoordinated and having no rhythm at all. It takes some time, but you can learn to laugh at yourself, and realize, hey, just because I’m not super awesome doesn’t matter. It’s okay to use the equipment, to take a class and be bad at it, to ask for help.

What’s more, I get a lot of encouragement. People’ve pulled me aside, folks I didn’t even know, to tell me I looked like I was losing weight. Nice people have given me helpful suggestions on my form or stepped in when I was confused by a machine or an exercise. I get lots of smiles from across the gym. Even when I’m on my (honestly, ridiculous-looking) recumbent trike, I get lots of cheerful grins and waves, including – nay, especially – from the spandex-wearing ultrabikers passing me on the trail who I just assumed would look down their nose at me. It’s not uncommon for one to pace me for a short time and ask me questions about my bike and be welcoming.

Be bold. Give it a try. If you’re not sure where to start, PM me – I’m more than happy to commiserate with you.

42

I disagree. I think the OP is spot on.

It’s not about telling someone to just stop overeating – it’s about saying, hey, it’s okay to try this. People who grow up fat are conditioned to think they just suck as human beings. I’ve been there. They’re conditioned to think they aren’t going to be any good at exercising, and that people will make fun of them for even trying, because clearly they suck. And that’s just plain not true.

Look. I’m fat. Really fat. I’m not ashamed of it, and I don’t hate myself, though I am constantly working on it. I won’t say I have all the answers, but for me, a big part of it was just going out and trying. It wasn’t about losing all the weight in one go – it was learning the very basics of how to work out, and establishing habits, and… rather shockingly… even finding ways of enjoying exercise along the way. A few years ago, I quite literally looked at a local fitness program and said “well, there’s just no way I could do that.” My friend looked at me funny, and he said, “Why?” And I pointed out that I sucked at any exercise, and that people who wanted to do a six-day-a-week fitness challenge had to already be in great shape, right? Well, not so long after, I did it… and you know what? There were lots of people in worse condition than I was! There were folks in their 70s trying it! Were they keeping up with the 20-year-olds? Hell naw. But they were much better off for just giving it a go, trying something new, taking it at their pace, but working hard. Nobody went over to them and said “hey oldy! What are YOU doing here!” That would be ridiculous, right? Well, nobody called me a fatty and told me I didn’t belong. Most people are absorbed in their own thing, and of the rest, the vast majority were encouraging and helpful.

It’s not like telling someone just not to be fat. It’s like saying, hey. Being overweight is hard. But why not try, right now, eating this healthy sandwich and salad rather than your burger and fries? You don’t have to do it forever, just try it and see what you think. Don’t be afraid to change. That’s a good message. Realistically, you can have an eating disorder, you can be down on yourself… and you can still try exercising anyway. If you honestly are in such poor physical and/or mental shape that it’s impossible for you to even try a gym once, then really what you need is direct assistance from a professional.

Studies show that even if you fail to lose weight, exercising and trying to eat better has benefits. Yes, even dieting/exercising ‘unsuccessfully’, in terms of lack of weight loss, is good for you (as long as it’s a healthy diet). I know a lot of people are facing what seems like an insurmountable challenge to be ‘thin’, and probably will never be thin and beautiful the way they want to be – nobody ever is. However, they absolutely can be improved versions of where they are now, and every little bit helps. It only takes one time to go “hey, this treadmill isn’t so bad. Maybe next time I can try the bike?”

43

These posts make me happy; I’m definitely going to the gym tomorrow. Thank you. :slight_smile:

44

A lot of these replies to my OP have been very inspiring.

Thanks. :slight_smile:

45

I think y’all ought to just move down here. :slight_smile: I’m sure people are still as judgmental as all get out, but there’s this unwritten rule that you keep such stuff to yourself.

Seriously, though. I can count on one hand the number of times I was made fun of for my weight in school. And both of those were because I overheard someone talking about me. They dare not say it to my face. I think it’s interesting how many other places seem to be so very different.

46

I don’t get this. If you’re significantly overweight, no clothes are gonna hide it anyway. And if people are going to make fun of you for being overweight, they can tell no matter how your dressed and will do it.

Just buy an oversize t-shirt and sweat pants and forget what anyone thinks. I’m not overweight but I’m sure people make fun of me for other things. And I can’t be bothered to worry about that.

47

I’m super big too, and I just wanted ya’ll to know I’m going walking this morning.
Thank you.

48

You must mean Arkansas, not the South. I wasn’t constantly mocked for my weight and I make fun of myself more than anyone else does, but I was still victimized often enough as a kid, even by other fat people.

49

I still remember the day in college when I realized I was going to be late for something and started to sprint the last fifty yards or so, and some dickheads in a passing car moo-ed at me. When I remember it, even in completely different circumstances, I get that horrible burning blush of shame.

Twenty years later, when I gird my limbs to go to the gym or for a ride on my bike or anything that looks remotely active, I have to steel myself for the possibility that some asshat will have something clueless and negative to say. Yet, in those twenty years, nothing remotely as bad has happened. In fact, the only thing that came close was when I was chatting with a father and his four year old son about my dog, and I mentioned that my dog could run really fast. The little boy said “Yeah, I bet it would take you a really long time to catch up.” I thought his dad - a very handsome, fit man in his late twenties - was going to reach over and strangle the kid. I just shrugged and said, “you know what, I’ll get there sooner or later, and it’s getting there that counts, right?” Which the little boy agreed with.

I’ve found, actually, that in the gym or on the bike, there’s a hell of a lot more compassion from others than in the rest of the world. Maybe it’s because the others understand what it’s like to work their asses off at something, maybe they were once fat, maybe they see me - flabby and sweaty - doing exactly what I’m supposed to do, or maybe they just have the ability to put themselves in my shoes and see things from my point of view. All I know is that I’m grateful for it.

A few months ago, I was in the gym thinking about that, and decided that I would start giving that up-nod of recognition that others had given me, especially if they looked like they might be discouraged or self-conscious. It’s done more for my self-confidence than anything else. I have something I can offer others, and that makes all the difference.

50

When I started back at the gym in 2008, I was obese (BMI 36, 113kg). I never got the feeling that anyone at the gym was judging me, or criticizing me. The only time anything like that happened was once when I was running near work - we ran past a group of guys, and one of them made a comment that included the phrase “Run, Fat Boy, Run”. I just ran on, they were arseholes.

Since then, I have lost 25kg. I’m still a bit overweight. And I’m the guy people direct new starters with a weight issue to look at, because I’m the guy who lost all that weight. And I hope that I never intimidate or make someone feel uncomfortable when at the gym - we are in the journey together, and I know what it was like.

Si

51

It’s really difficult not to take this as patronizing, or at the very least, clueless.

  1. as with anything else, if it was as simple as just “not being self-conscious,” then the problem would already be solved.

  2. some of us have had our peers “encourage” us to do something like this for the express purpose of ridiculing us.

as it is, you come off like this guy.

52

I’ve been made fun of every time I’ve done anything that even looks like exercising in public. Never at a gym though.

53

Point taken. I’ll make sure never to encourage anyone who’s overweight and exercising, ever again, even in the generic second or even third person, in writing, on an internet message board. :rolleyes:

Seriously, with respect to the irritation at my OP that you and rachellelogram have expressed, is there anything that someone could say to (again, indirectly) express admiration of overweight exercisers that wouldn’t be considered “patronizing” or “clueless”? Or should the rest of the world mind its business entirely, shut up, and never publicly offer any moral support to those folks, however generic and impersonal it may be?

54

Here’s a good rule of thumb - if it’s not something you’d say to someone who looks fit and/or slim, then don’t say it. That way you’re treating fat people the same way as thin people, which is something we tend to appreciate.

55

Maybe I’m unfriendly, but I don’t like talking to other people when I’m working out no matter what weight I’m at. I enjoy the peace, I don’t feel like having a conversation, and people talking to me at all makes me self-conscious whether I’m in decent shape or just starting up again after a lazy period.

56

If it’s unsolicited, then yeah, that’s what I personally would prefer.

57

It goes the other way too - I get “You don’t need to work out, you’re already so skinnnyyyy!”

Uh, yeah, I DO need to work out because a) it makes me feel good, b) there is a history of heart disease in my family, and c) it makes my f-ed up back not hurt. ANY comments about a person’s weight are inappropriate, in my opinion, unless they are genuinely positive.

I’m a runner and I LOVE seeing bigger people run. Because they’re DOING SOMETHING GOOD FOR THEMSELVES. Anybody who puts down a person for exercising is an ignorant, jealous lazyass who doesn’t deserve the time of day from you.

58

I agree with the OP. Anytime I see a heavier person running or exercising, my first instinct is to think “You go girl!” or “Good for you!” not “ewwww!” or laughter.

Then again, I’m a “heavier” person myself so maybe that makes me more sympathetic.

59

Makes sense. Just a smile and a thumbs up or whatever you’d give to other people you were passing.

60

I would say it to people who look fit/slim. It just so happens that I tend not to (either with overweight or slim folks who exercise), and so chose to express my admiration for the former here, on SDMB.