You’re “meant” to leave them alone until they’ve made a pearl that you can give to your sweetie. I’ve put an oyster in my mouth on purpose once. Conclusion?
They’re not made of food.
Tried one once, in order to go along with the group and not appear to be a pain in the ass. Didn’t want to, hated it while doing it, used much effort to keep it down. I didn’t grow up eating oysters so I didn’t really know about chewing them(which sounds even worse), I thought people just swallowed them like shots, so that’s what I did. I did try a clam once and chewed it. I’ll never do that again.
Neither did I. I was a friend’s best man at his wedding. Afterward, we (the father of the bride, the wedded couple and another friend) went to dinner. As I tried my first-ever raw clam, the friend said, 'It tastes like phlegm, doesn’t it? – just as I was swallowing (without chewing). I am happy to say that I did discover the wonderful taste of raw oysters. I love them raw, I love them smoked, I love them grilled, and I loved them fried with a dash of Tabasco®.
Will you eat them in Rome?
Or a dank catacomb?
In a castle, with haggis in Glasgow? 
Deep fried oysters are a feature at a crab boil place here, some day I’m going to try those. I’ve made heavenly oyster stew, so simple, but decadent with half and haf and a pat of butter.
That right there guarantees that I will never try one.
I take that back. My mother served up deep-fried oysters once and tried to pass them off as shrimp to my finicky child self. Made me gag and that was it for me forever.
Haven’t you ever heard the old oyster poem?
Give it a chew
Just one or two
But savor the taste
Don’t swallow in haste
OK, I just made that up 
If someone called me an old oyster, I might be offended.
Totally accurate. And you can’t know an oyster’s too big for comfort till it’s too late. To be honest, I gagged myself last night taking a too-big bite of a soft food I otherwise enjoy a lot: boiled beets.
I don’t love fried oysters like I’ve loved raw or grilled ones. One or two on a app sampler, perfect. An entire po boy is too much.
Better than being called an old crab. 
I wonder if “swallow them whole” is something that’s gotten passed down through media. It’s certainly a behavior I’m aware of, but it doesn’t make much sense to me.
As an aside, I think good oysters are great! Clean ocean flavor in the best way. However, I rarely get them any more. There was a period (maybe 2005-2015?) where it seemed everywhere had dollar oyster specials or happy hours. Splitting a dozen (or two!) with a partner with some cocktails was a fun way to start an evening.
Now it seems that they’re $4 an oyster (at least around here) and cheaper happy hours are pretty rare. That dozen for $12 (or $24 outside of happy hour) is now $48, and too rich for my blood.
Hey!!
If the claw rubberband fits, wear it.
If you have to stretch a rubber band, it cannot be said to fit.
Wait. 
Wut!!!?
One of my favourite kitchen utensils is an oyster shucking knife that came with a bunch of oysters that I got from a wonderful upscale boutique grocery store. Same store where I used to get short rib meat pies from the deli counter that came in their own ceramic bowls. I’ve been re-using those bowls for years for baking French onion soujp.
But that free knife is a beautiful thing. Solid stainless steel from handle to tip, and so sturdy that it’s been indispensable for a million different kitchen tasks! The oysters are long gone, but the shucking knife lives on!
I adore the flavor of raw oysters, and ate them at every opportunity until I caught norovirus from them. It’s perhaps the sickest I’ve ever felt. I won’t touch one again. Just not worth it.
I’ve had oysters about half a dozen times in my life. Overwhelmingly they taste like urine to me. I love mussels and can appreciate clams and think scallops are divine, but oysters taste like a slimy sac of pee.
The one oyster I enjoyed was in a shot glass with hot sauce and horseradish. I shot it back and got just enough of the briny flavor to appreciate it, under the sharp flavors that cut it.
Yea? Well, they may be slimy and they may sac mucus into your mouth but that pee flavor’s pretty good, sometimes! nods defiantly
I love mussels, too, but would understand someone being repulsed, they have an assertive aroma. But, lacking slime, they’re more texturally approachable than raw oysters and distantly cheaper.
I’m not squeamish about different foods as a rule. The ritual for my scuba diving club for a member’s first ocean dive was to harvest a scallop, remove one’s regulator and eat the scallop live with a bit of sea water. I did this with no compunction.
But raw oysters… I know people love them, and I personally enjoy them grilled or smoked. However, owing to some very unpleasant interactions with them as a child in my mother’s oyster stew, I’ve never been eager to try them raw. Your post has guaranteed that this is a “pleasure” I will likely never experience!