Based on Pat Roberston’s recent assertions that Haiti’s woes are due to the past pact they made with devil, I was wondering how one goes about doing that, exactly? Wouldn’t it seem that given the number of people in the world, a fairly large number, just taking a very small portion of the world’s population, would be living the high life, raping pillaging burning, etc., with Satan’s protection and assistance? I know several people personally who would be fighting to be first in line to open a vein and sign the Evil One’s contract, were they given the opportunity.
Well, many years ago, in a land far away - on a dark and stormy night…
I was looking to change my luck, picked up the phone and dialled 666. It turned out to be a suicide hotline, so you can imagine how that conversation went.
Ok, so Satan’s hotline’s out. Maybe He has an ebay account ?
Step 1: Go Down To The Crossroads
Step 2: Fall down on your knees
Step 3: ???
Step 4: Profit
Facebook, I expect. Or does the devil still use Myspace?
If Haiti is to be our example, it would appear Satans protection and assistance isn’t really worth much.
Obviously, you set a trap with devil’s food cake as bait.
I’d suggest the old standby of a crossroads at midnight but which one is a little out of my depth. Once you figure it out and make your deal let him know I’m interested.
If it’s the entire country, wouldn’t it be more of a treaty with the devil, formally speaking?
If we can use Supernatural as a guide, I think any crossroads will do. You need to bury a little box with some personal items in it, like a photo. Your choice whether or not to boink the demon who shows up.
Think Step 3 requires a guitar. And the appropriate crossroads are located near Clarksdale, Mississippi.
Look up “Attorneys” in the Yellow Pages.
First of all you would need to not already be lost to him. This eliminates those friends that would be lining up to do the deal. Satan doesn’t pay for what he already owns.
Not a guitar, a fiddle. And not Mississippi, Georgia.
Go to Georgia, then wait until he’s in a bind because he’s way behind and looking to make a deal.
/edit: Too slow AGAIN. Not my day.
It’s really pretty easy.
You’ll need a black candle, some garlic, some sacraficial wine…
No, wait, that’s cheese fondue. Nevermind.
Perhaps the Devil likes cheese fondue. If you add enough garlic, that recipe might just work.
I’d check with the Republican senators/congressmen.
Have you ever noticed that the few black candles you find out there are always patchouli scented?
That’ s because they’re made from hippies and tree huggers.
Can you fiddle?