So, new Chick tracts. Evil Eyes is about Hispanics and Santeria. Since Santeria actually does have links to Catholicism, the obligatory Catholic jab is there as well. Typical Chick, I guess.
But it doesn’t hold a candle to the new “black tract,” It’s A Deal, which puts together a bunch of black inner-city culture stereotypes into a typical Chick story. After his brother is killed in a drive-by by either Mike Tyson or Black Mr. Clean, an older version of Riley from The Boondocks sells his soul to Pimp Satan and becomes a basketball star. I have no idea what’s going on here- is Chick implying that the only reason blacks are good at basketball is because Satan is involved? Probably not, but knowing him, nothing’s out of the question.
“Evil Eyes” has Catholic bashing and a demon, but “It’s a Deal” has a “HAW HAW.” I think I have to give the edge to the black tract.
I learned from the first tract that Santaria spells work, and that devils can take the form of zombies.
I learned from the other tract that you can sell your soul to the Devil for basketball fame, fortune and pussy (with a 1.000 FG percentage), and then still be able to go to Heaven by saying the magic words at the last minute. “It’s a Deal” has basically convinced me I should totally sell my soul.
Someone started leaving these at my gym. I kinda felt bad, in a stifling free speech kind of way, but I chucked them. I’d never chuck any normal “Jesus loves you” type of stuff, but these are just fucked up.
Well, why not? “Angels?” features an unknown rock band that was going absolutely nowhere until they run into a certain Mr. Siffer, first name Lew. (Damn clever of Mr. Sickie Chickie!) Now, at least one church turns them down, even though they were “putting Christ into it” because, after all, it was <gasp!> rock music they were playing. (So, I guess Jackster figures that at least some ministers are still “awake.”) I certainly had the impression, though, that the basic idea was that they were so miserably unsuccessful because they really, really sucked.
A contract is signed. Yep, in blood. The next thing you know they are wowing the crowds in the Big Apple and everywhere.
Could ol’ Nick maybe make your most despised so-called comedian actually funny?
I just really wish I could read all the way through one of those before the stupid quotient starts making my eyes bleed. Those are just painful to behold.
And it has nothing to do with “gazing upon the glory”
Yeah, this is what I was about to post. What’s crazy is Pimp Satan actually delivered on every one of his promises, and didn’t collect until the week agreed on. Meanwhile, God breaks a contract He had no business butting into, just because He’s omnipotent and can do whatever He wants. I guess this trope isn’t confined to Chick tracts, but why is it the Devil’s the only honorable one?
No, because our protagonist’s brother, who was a Christian, was also good at basketball. In fact, he had “won awards in every sport” (which I’m assuming was hyperbole on his father’s part).
These are hilarious. So what’s going on in “It’s A Deal” again? Did that Evil Tiny Lister dude get mad because some chicks were looking at a cell phone?
Little Denzel’s problem is not that he sold his soul, it’s that he was a horrible, wretched person all his life and had no redeeming qualities. Good thing his Mamma could resurect his body long enough for him to repent, huh?
