New Chick Tracts: "Evil Eyes" and "It's A Deal"

(Placed in the Pit as per Chick Tract tradition)

So, new Chick tracts. Evil Eyes is about Hispanics and Santeria. Since Santeria actually does have links to Catholicism, the obligatory Catholic jab is there as well. Typical Chick, I guess.

But it doesn’t hold a candle to the new “black tract,” It’s A Deal, which puts together a bunch of black inner-city culture stereotypes into a typical Chick story. After his brother is killed in a drive-by by either Mike Tyson or Black Mr. Clean, an older version of Riley from The Boondocks sells his soul to Pimp Satan and becomes a basketball star. I have no idea what’s going on here- is Chick implying that the only reason blacks are good at basketball is because Satan is involved? Probably not, but knowing him, nothing’s out of the question.

“Evil Eyes” has Catholic bashing and a demon, but “It’s a Deal” has a “HAW HAW.” I think I have to give the edge to the black tract.

I learned from the first tract that Santaria spells work, and that devils can take the form of zombies.

I learned from the other tract that you can sell your soul to the Devil for basketball fame, fortune and pussy (with a 1.000 FG percentage), and then still be able to go to Heaven by saying the magic words at the last minute. “It’s a Deal” has basically convinced me I should totally sell my soul.

No wonder the Devil loses to God; that’s one bad business model.

Someone started leaving these at my gym. I kinda felt bad, in a stifling free speech kind of way, but I chucked them. I’d never chuck any normal “Jesus loves you” type of stuff, but these are just fucked up.

“It’s a Deal” sounds like a retelling of The Contract

I love the terrified-looking rooster on the cover of Evil Eyes. Like even he doesn’t want to be seen in a Chick track. :smiley:

I agree. But a panel of Zombie Carlos eating Roberto’s brains would have put Evil Eyes on top.

Well, why not? “Angels?” features an unknown rock band that was going absolutely nowhere until they run into a certain Mr. Siffer, first name Lew. (Damn clever of Mr. Sickie Chickie!) Now, at least one church turns them down, even though they were “putting Christ into it” because, after all, it was <gasp!> rock music they were playing. (So, I guess Jackster figures that at least some ministers are still “awake.”) I certainly had the impression, though, that the basic idea was that they were so miserably unsuccessful because they really, really sucked.

A contract is signed. Yep, in blood. The next thing you know they are wowing the crowds in the Big Apple and everywhere.

Could ol’ Nick maybe make your most despised so-called comedian actually funny?

Stay tuned.

- JACK a.

I just really wish I could read all the way through one of those before the stupid quotient starts making my eyes bleed. Those are just painful to behold.

And it has nothing to do with “gazing upon the glory”

In ‘It’s a Deal’, there’s a sportscaster announcing that Denzel is about to die. Looks a lot like Jim Hill from Channel 2 in L.A…

http://cbs2.com/bios/Jim.Hill.cbs.9.538131.html

Yeah, this is what I was about to post. What’s crazy is Pimp Satan actually delivered on every one of his promises, and didn’t collect until the week agreed on. Meanwhile, God breaks a contract He had no business butting into, just because He’s omnipotent and can do whatever He wants. I guess this trope isn’t confined to Chick tracts, but why is it the Devil’s the only honorable one?

But what on earth is the guy doing behind him? For the love of God, Jack, could you use any more of a caricature?

Evil Eyes rips the crucifix for having a dead Jesus on it, but there is a crucification scene in almost every one of Chick’s tracts.

No, because our protagonist’s brother, who was a Christian, was also good at basketball. In fact, he had “won awards in every sport” (which I’m assuming was hyperbole on his father’s part).

Evil eyes definitely has the win. I cracked up when the priest was brought in

“He is a zombie!”

These are hilarious. So what’s going on in “It’s A Deal” again? Did that Evil Tiny Lister dude get mad because some chicks were looking at a cell phone?

I always like how Christians have “no defense” against these evil spells.

Where’s your God now?

Waiting for you to get knocked down so that he can grind it into you how much you need him after you become injured by his lack of support.

Which makes so much sense only in a really sick and twisted “God has a massive inferiority complex and is a bad parent” sort of way.

But they’re Catholics. And everyone knows that Catholics aren’t Christians. Jesus said so in the Bible.

The ‘It’s a Deal’ track is…well…stupid.

Little Denzel’s problem is not that he sold his soul, it’s that he was a horrible, wretched person all his life and had no redeeming qualities. Good thing his Mamma could resurect his body long enough for him to repent, huh?

Denzel looks like he’s 65 when he’s in high school.