I’m sure this has been done before, but I’m too lazy to look for it.
Take the juice from one bottle of that Ol’ Janx Spirit.
Pour into it one measure of water from the seas of Santraginus V
Allow three cubes of Arcturan Mega-gin to melt into the mixture (it must be properly iced or the benzene is lost).
Allow four litres of Fallian marsh gas to bubble through it (in memory of all those happy Hikers who have died of pleasure in the Marshes of Fallia).
Over the back of a silver spoon float a measure of Qualactin Hypermint extract, redolent of all the heady odours of the dark Qualactin Zones.
Drop in the tooth of an Algolian Suntiger. Watch it dissolve, spreading the fires of the Algolian suns deep into the heart of the drink.
Sprinkle Zamphour.
Add an olive.
Drink…but very carefully.
Ol’ Janx Spirit sounds like a bourbon to me.
Santraginus V water may just be water. But there’s also the Fallian march gas. So, seltzer or tonic.
Arcturan Mega-gin is a kind of gin.
Qualactin Hypermint extract? Since it’s poured, I’ll guess creme de menthe. Otherwise, muddled mint leaves.
Algolian Suntiger tooth? Well, it ‘spreads the fires’, so I’m thinking Everclear would be in order.
I have no idea what Zamphour would be.
I think a close analogy to the olive would be an olive.
The effect of drinking a Pan-galactic gargle blaster ‘is like having your brain smashed out by a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick’. I think the Everclear would take care of the brick part. But it sounds like we also need to add some lemon peel.
I know there are recipes on the 'Net, but I haven’t looked for them. I did look many years ago, and they seemed to be more ‘very strong drinks’ than attempts to find Earth-substitute ingredients.
I’ve always read that as the tooth of the Algolian Suntiger adding a color or colors to the drink. So something candied, perhaps, that dissolves as it melts.
Anyway, how on Betelgeuse do you float a measure of Qualactin Hypermint extract - or crème de menthe or muddled mint leaves, for that matter - over the back of a spoon?
I’m thinking Atomic Fireball dipped in Goldschläger. That gives you the color as well as the flavor of “fire”, and provides the gold of the “gold brick”. Only question is if an Atomic Fireball will dissolve in a reasonable amount of time. Experiments will be required.
This one has to be some sort of lemon. There just has to be lemon for it to match the description, and this is the only ingredient it could be. I’m going to go with lemon zest, as it can be sprinkled and will give you the most lemon flavor.
Liquor might be quicker, but I can personally attest, from experience of drinking a great many Atomic Suicides in my youth, that atomic fireballs don’t really dissolve much at all in soft drinks. They basically just lose a bit of their polished red finish.
Of course, bourbon’s going to make that a lot…duskier. And an olive is going to make it terrible, but it’s the sacrifice you make for anachronistic authenticity.
FWIW when I saw a short-lived stage production in the early 80’s the recipe on sale in the bar was 10% blue curacao, 20% vodka, 70% champagne, served in a 100mm test tube with a silverskin onion.
It was made at the now defunct Big Barry’s restaurants on Long Island. They served western food, and the Shotgun Blast went really well with it, and was also sweet enough that you didn’t really taste the liquor. Deadly. One time on my birthday my friends kept re-filling my glass when I wasn’t looking. Last thing I remember is staring up at the ceiling in the back seat of my car, singing Beatles’ songs.
Here’s the recipe:
Shotgun Blast
1 shot each of rum, gin & vodka
1/2 shot each of 151, sour mix, oj & grenadine in a 32 oz mug
Guinness is (AFAIK) carbonated with helium, and people who home-brew stouts sometimes like to purchase helium canisters along with CO2 canisters from dispensing their beer. I always thought, a pan galactic gargle blaster would be gas infused with helium, for its “exoticness.” Although I’m left wondering is a clear liquor can hold much helium in solution.
Sprinkling zamphor always left me with the image of sprinkling a spice, like powdered cloves.
The important thing is, as we mix Earth’s liquors to approximate the Galactic article, we have to pick flavors that taste good together.
The Algolian Suntiger tooth should both add fiery color and dissolve quickly. I’m thinking some kind of red or orange food color tablet. Looking on Amazon, there’s some unavailable Color Splash Dye Tablets which don’t look sketchy at all. That or Color My Bath, but somehow I feel that wasn’t made with mixing gin in mind.
Oh, and for the Fallian marsh gases, seltzer’s a good start, but marsh gas is methane. Unfortunately, even the depths of Amazon don’t appear to stock canned methane. You could get one of those soda makers except replace the carbon dioxide with methane (maybe, uh, eat lots of beans?) and then make fart-seltzer. Yum yum.
For some reason, I picture the Zamphour as freshly ground nutmeg. But lemon zest would make more sense. Maybe dried lemon zest? It has a more intense flavor, plus it sprinkles - I guess regular zest could sprinkle, but it would be more of a clumped plopping.
Yeah, where did I hear that? Some weird Japanese gimmick, helium was never commonplace in beer. :smack: But if we really must copy the HHGTTG recipe, I guess we do want laughing gas infused seltzer. But is that safe to consume? Perhaps only if you don’t have a health condition.
And while we’re being literal, the recipe starts with the “juice from a bottle of Ol’ Janx Spirit” So we have to squeeze, out of glass, whatever it manages to absorb. So maybe we don’t want bourbon, but instead what bourbon we can squeeze out of the barrel’s stave. Is that even a thing?
I think that’s rather the wrong question to be asking in this thread. If it were safe to consume, we could probably rule out the possibility of it being an ingredient in a PGGB.
