Pancakes that make me feel like a man

Cafe Society
1

Kodiak Cakes. Power Cakes. So friggin’ manly, they couldn’t contain the manliness in one name. There’s a damn bear growling at you right on the front of the industrial-grade cardboard box, so don’t wet yourself, Francis, when you see it on the counter next to my carpenters axe and blowtorch. It’s a big black box, with two massive bags of protein-packed flapjack mix inside. Now listen up: This thing contains almost three-thousandths of a ton of Y-chromosome-polishing powder, so don’t drop it on your floor, else you’ll be doing some tile work this weekend, buddy boy. So how do you make these hair-growing hotcakes, you ask? You add some damn water, mix it up and pour it into a searing hot pan with oil, you pansy. No butter, no eggs, no “vanillia extracts” or milk.

Anybody else eat these things? They are my current go-to quick meal. I’ve been known to add any number of savory ingredients: diced onions, jalapenos, cilantro, basil, garlic, parmesan cheese, spinach, bacon, cheddar, chili powder, etc, and top them with sour cream, hot sauce, marinara, etc. Just mix equal parts powder and water (I tend to go a little heavy on the water to make them thinner and crispier), chop up my add-ins, and they’re ready to go in under 10 minutes. You don’t even have to be a man to enjoy them, but it doesn’t hurt.

2

Basil? There’s nothing manly about basil. Sounds like an effete Britisher. :slight_smile:

But do they really taste better than Bisquik or Aunt Jemima?

3

Ripped straight from the jagged rocks right outside my backdoor.

Does a bear that shits in the woods behind my house end up as a rug in my den? Yes, the answer is yes.

4

Basil? More like brosil!

If they’re really manly, they need a Powerthirst-like ad.

5

Sorry, I don’t have time to go out into the woods and build a fire every time I want pancakes.

Because I assume that’s how you have to heat the pan.

6

Manly men don’t eat PANCAKES, fer chrissakes. What’s wrong with throwing a big steak into that hot pan, and eating it with your hands bloody red rare?

7

Maybe if you spent less time manscaping your ball hair you’d have time for proper timber felling and fire maintenance.

Because you are correct about the campfire and pan heating thing. I forgot to mention that earlier.

What do you think I wash the flapjacks down with? Buttermilk and cinnamon? HELL NO! It’s blood from a bull, squoze from a cut of meat I butchered my damn self.

And if you’ve never fixed your gaze upon a glistening hot cake fashioned with testosterone and soot, I feel sorry for you and your bald chest.
Seriously though, try these pancakes. There’s a bear on the box! A bear! And they’re friggin delicious.

8

Ivylad LOVES these. He won’t eat Bisquick pancakes any more.

9

I like them, but the recipe is greatly enhanced by an egg and a couple tablespoons of cream. Also add a pinch of salt, they are really bland otherwise. Why yes, I am a feminine-type person. How did you guess?

They really are a good mix, and about the only way I’ve found to kill a bread craving without tanking the protein/calorie ratio I’m trying to maintain. But I want to know where you bought that big box, because the only ones I’e found have way too little in them.

10

I thought this was going to be about silver dollar pancakes, that make your hands look big.

11

Man! I feel like a pancake!

12

At least you said spinach and not kale otherwise we would have to revoke your manly man card.

13

Yeah? I got your “pancakes” right here, pal.

14

He’s an ivyman now.

Costco.

Truth be told, have you ever had a mouth full of raw kale? Only a man-sized jawbone can tear through that level of roughage.

But yes, I get the optics.

15

I’m a man, not a Trump.

16

FTW! ROFL

Truth be told though, REAL men call them flapjacks, or griddle cakes.

17

I thought flapjack would be the manly word, because it sounds like lumberjack, the manliest profession and I won’t have any Pythons Monty tell me otherwise. But the more I hear it in my head, “flapjack” sounds like the kind of word an old lady who calls pants “slacks” uses. She probably owns a Victrola that she listens to through an ear horn.

18

My wife buys and eats these all the time, because they’re a bit lower carb and seem to be on sale often wherever she buys them. They’re fine. They taste like pancakes.

There are my mancakes, though. (You’ve got the right idea with your second paragraph and the savory fixins’, but cornmeal pancakes, not some froufrou whole grain, lower carb stuff. A real man takes his carbs! :wink: )

19

I was trying to figure out where you got protein out of wheat flour. Thought perhaps you threw a hog leg in there! Turns out to have “Power Cakes Protein Blend” which contains whey. Whey, I tell yah. The runny, milksop, wimpy, fluid runoff from cheese making.

But damn, I bet it’s a honkin’ tough version of whey. Whey that could substitute for the potassium nitrate in black powder.

Dennis

20

Real men call them hotcakes or griddle cakes. Sissies call them pancakes.