So this is a rambly, braggy post, but I promised that I would allow myself moment of rambly bragginess once I’d earned it.
Last June I ended up in the hospital with a case of acute pancreatitis. The layman’s term for pancreatitis is “OH SHIT WHY DOES IT HURT SO MUCH?” It basically feels like the kind of stomachache you’d get after ingesting razor blades. I was laid up for something like four days. Once they started giving me regular injections of Dilaudid things weren’t nearly so bad, and eventually my stomach started working again.
Anyway, they did a bunch of bloodwork while I was there. They never did find out exactly WHAT triggered the pancreatitis. Idiopathic, they call it. and What they DID find out is that I’m diabetic. This wasn’t too surprising since a) it runs in the family and b) I’m a big fat guy. My A1C was 10.6, which meant nothing to me at the time but I have since learned is well into “pretty fucking awful” territory. Before they discharged me, they ran me through all the preliminary diabetes education, set me up with an endocrinologist, and so on.
I had an uncle who was diabetic, and he basically killed himself with food. I’ve known for a long time that I need to lose weight (all fat people know that), but when I go it’s not going to be from this. So I’ve been doing the whole diabetes diet thing - watching my carb intake, generally eating better, getting exercise, etc. This week I broke through the 50 pound barrier. I’m down to 260 from a starting weight of 311 when I checked into the hospital. I also had an A1C test just before Thanksgiving and it came back at 6.4, which means that I’m doing a good job of beginning to help my body work properly.
I’ve still got a long way to go. I want to lose at least another 50 pounds. But it’s a little easier now that I’ve seen real progress. It was only recently that I was able to start accepting compliments about my weight loss at face value, rather than being internally self deprecating about it. Every time I step on the scale, part of my brain refuses to accept that I’m making actual progress. The fact that I’ve lost as much as I have is surreal and difficult to really come to terms with. At the end of the day, I’m still a fat guy. Just a little less of one.
A new supermarket opened up near me, and their bakery makes a caramel-topped doughnut that has a strip of candied bacon laid across the top. They also have craft beer on tap and the cafe will give you a cupholder for your cart so that you can drink while you shop. The devil has come to Gainesville and he is tempting me sorely, but I’ll be strong.
Maybe in another five pounds I’ll go and have one of those donuts, though.
