I suppose.
Thanks.
Relax! What are you so embarassed about? If it was a box lunch and I don’t eat ham, but like pickles bread and chips, no big deal unless you make it one - right?
Are you going to ask what is rolled up in my napkin, make a note of my condiment use? I bet you never noticed the many picky eaters in your midst.
Loud protestations about my food choices will get you judged
I haven’t been in a business situation where it was embarrassing, but when I go to my grandparents about 50% of what they prepare I can’t eat (mushy vegetables swimming in butter, potatoes, too spicy meat). Fortunately people generally don’t make a big deal out of it (and I figure anyone who does is the rude one). I eat what I can - even if that’s just bread, and have a snack later. Yes, I get embarrassed or anxious about it, but I figure it’s not actually a big deal, despite what I might feel.
As has been said, this is more about social skills/business etiquette skills than about eating. I’m also in a job where I do a lot of lunching/dining. I honestly think that this is one of those things where if you suck at the business etiquette, it’s unlikely you will end up in a position that requires a lot of business entertaining.
I personally eat everything, but there are a lot of socially deft ways to handle times you aren’t eating. "My goodness, I wish I had known we were getting lunch, as I had an ENORMOUS breakfast! Let me get some iced tea and sit down and chat with you … " or “You know how it is on business trips, you end up eating SO much, I’m going to be disciplined tonight and have a plain salad” or you tactfully plan the evening so that you’re going somewhere that you know will have something you can eat.
This is a learned skill, I have one staff member right now who has terrible business dining manners, and we work on it. I have flat out told him it is impacting his career advancement.
If it’s any consolation, I was a terribly picky eater until I went to college, and now I’m an insufferable foodie, so there is still time for your daughter.
What changed for you, delphica?
For me it was being exposed to more foods and friends insisting I try things. Although generally I was always willing to try it. OTOH, there’s my sister who will be forced to try something, gush about how good it is, and then the next week refuse to eat it.
Between all the fad diets, dietary lifestyles and dietary medical issues that people have, I don’t think someone eschewing a prepared sandwich at a business meeting is going to raise any eyebrows. I think everyone I know is on some sort of paleo, vegan, carb-free, carb-only, gluten free, pisco-lacto-ovo veggie diet. Someone who simply doesn’t like mayo is going to blend into the crowd.
It was very tied into the experience of moving away from home and coming to the realization that my life/career goals and aspirations were generally associated with different eating habits. Sophisticated, successful career women didn’t order plain noodles at restaurants. They didn’t travel to other countries and pick at the food offered to them. I went into it totally planning to fake it - I resolved to choke down yucky food with a smile on my face and then go home and have a peanut butter sandwich, but pretty soon, I realized I was starting to like the new foods I was eating. It was gradual, but noticeable.
Keep in mind I was 18 and fairly clueless, so at the time I didn’t have the self-reflection skills or the vocabulary to think about this in terms of class or education opportunity or anything more nuanced. I saw it very much related to a whole lifestyle that I felt was “better,” although now I would say it is merely different.
God I hope my daughter comes to this realization some day.
Just how limited a diet does she have? I am a very picky eater (I’m a super taster and I have issues with certain food textures) and it is very, very rare that I can’t find something on a menu that I can eat. Even if it is just a side dish or something most places have at least one or two things that appeal to me and lots of places have many options if I can get them to make other dishes without the offending ingredient or two.
The response here would be to explain that you aren’t hungry and wait until later to eat.
The only thing she ever orders in a restaurant is grilled cheese and french fries.
Nothing else.
Ever.
They are not “destroyed for life,” but it is much like a minor disability- and why would you want that for your child? Yes, having a stock of white lies, carrying around supplies, and timing your meals carefully with your events can generally make it possible for you to get through normal social events without too many hitches. But wouldn’t it be better if you could pour all that energy into something other than lunch?
Especially since situations with new foods are likely to be ones already outside of your comfort zone. When your 18 year old son is meeting his Korean-American girlfriend’s family for the first time, wouldn’t you rather he not have to worry about how to avoid the kimchi and where he is going to chow down on his discrete granola bar? And while these techniques can get you through most ordinary scenarios, it can affect some very real things. Anything more complex than “vegetarian”, for example, can easily lop off entire continents as travel options. You cannot go to China, ever, if all you will eat is grilled cheese sandwiches. Maybe if you only ate at tourist hotels in Beijing, but even mid-range travel wouldn’t be possible outside of the largest cities, and budget travel impossible.
Class is a part of things, but so are a few other values. We generally expect adults to challenge themselves in their lives- including recreational pursuits. There is nothing wrong with liking Katy Perry, Nic Cage films, Thomas Kinkainde and masturbating a lot. But a person who has learned to appreciate at least some classic rock, a few good directors, at least one or two periods of studio art and some kind of constructive hobby is going to be seen as more mature. This shows some ability to delay gratification as you “acquire” a taste. It also shows a degree of intellectual curiosity and interest in the world around you, and a willingness to draw from different parts of the world.
But where oh where are we to find such a suave, worldly sophisticate?
That’s not really answering the question. If she readily eats a variety of stuff at home, the grilled cheese is a preference thing and the perceived issue will fix itself when she goes somewhere that doesn’t offer grilled cheese. If her diet at home is equally limited, then there’s a problem.
I’m not picky by any means, but there’s a handful of ingredients I really, really hate, and once in a while I’ll find myself looking at a menu or a dinner table where every single dish contains one or more of those ingredients. At that point you get the least objectionable option, resign yourself to not enjoying your dinner, and suck it up. And if you can’t gag down enough to satisfy your hunger, you resign yourself to being a little hungry until you get home, and suck it up. As others have said, it’s not the food or food issues that make that situation embarrassing, it’s how you handle it.
Looking back at my own history of “not liking” things, I remember coming to a realization at age 11-12 that people always intend for food to taste good… so it ought to be tried with an open mind.
Then when I went away to college and got away from the fug of parents-watching-and-judging, which really does trip a kid up, I became a more adventurous eater than my parents.
So don’t despair of your daughter yet.
Mimi report: yesterday she ate only white things: baby cereal, cottage cheese, popcorn, and formula. She ate enough of them to sleep through the night though, so yay! It seems like popcorn would be rough on a little baby tummy, but oh well. She’ll eat it with gusto so I’m not going to stop her.
Sattua, just an FYI, popcorn is considered by many a choking hazard, you may want to read up on kids and popcorn before making it a regular part of her diet.
This one bit of advice I cannot give strongly enough:
Do not fight over food.
You will lose.
She will learn she can win a power battle with you (dangerous knowledge for her to be in possession of), and what would usually have been a short term quirk will become a long term “No no no” long after she forgets why she did not like it in the first place.
Given a wide selection of healthy foods, no junk choices, and no power battles, most kids will select a balanced diet for themselves … not balanced meals, not balanced over one day, but over the week or so. Give a vitamin a day to cover the bases, or at least the parental concerns, mix some pureed pumpkin or squash into sauces, meatloafs, muffins, so on, keep offering the wide variety of healthy choices and only healthy choices (no sweet beverages in particular) in a low pressure way, and keep modeling eating them yourself. It’s the best path you got.
And second the concern over popcorn as a potential choking hazard through toddlerhood at least. Not quite as bad as peanuts (the worst by far), but up there.
People keep saying this but I have to disagree. We have two kids and one of them would probably eat your socks and will try anything once.
The other: not so much.
They were raised on kid food by the foster mom (chicken nuggets, mac & cheese, cookies, crackers). Basically, he was used to eating things that were either very sweet or fatty with little other taste to them.
So, when he showed up to the house of fresh food with seasonings and lots of protein, he resisted. A lot.
We were pretty worried for a few months and I was constantly trying to make kid-friendly meals. I couldn’t get past the lack of nutrition in most of it (though I did try to get healthier versions) so I said, ‘screw this!’ and started introducing what I would consider ‘normal’ meals.
We would serve small first portions of everything. If you finished you could have seconds (for my non-picky eater). If you didn’t finish it within a reasonable amount of time (when everyone else is done), it went in the fridge and became your next meal.
The first few weeks were rough. He had a particular pork dish for two days straight. We wouldn’t even eat grilled cheese. I am sure he lost a few pounds that he really didn’t have to spare.
Now, he eats what is put in front of him wherever we are (even when grandma serves brussel sprouts). He now likes a wide variety of foods and while he still won’t seek out new foods to try, he will try them and politely decline seconds.
But the best part is that it actually made our connection with him stronger. We didn’t yell about it and didn’t get upset (well, at least in front of him). We told him exactly what would happen and we followed through every time. It made him really trust us.
However, to the OP: 10 months old is not old enough to really reason with her. Do try to keep introducing new foods. Often, babies like to eat what mommy and daddy are eating but not off their own plate but from yours.
Okay, no more popcorn for her. I found several baby sites recommending rice cakes, so those are on the grocery list. As are straw cups.
Thank you from the bottom of my stomach, I’d been trying to find the English name of that thing for decades so I could be sure to avoid it. Thankfully it doesn’t seem to be very common in restaurants, but ugh!