What would you do in the following situation?
I begin tucking him into bed and he tells me, “Daddy check for monsters under my bed.” I look underneath for his amusement and see him, another him, under the bed, staring back at me quivering and whispering, “Daddy there’s somebody on my bed.”
It’s more riveting than your other topic.
I’d pull out the whimpering kid and set them apart. Then I’d ask them each to write down the name of their favorite song, and stab the one who doesn’t write “everything is awesome” through its god-damned demon face.
All of them. But especially the big peen one.
then you tell the damn kids: “okay, both of you-quit playing games… Just because you’re twins doesn’t mean you can goof off…Go to sleep, tomorrow’s a school day.”
I would buy bunk beds and hand the wife’s honey-do list to the new one.
Quit drinking.
I’d give him a stern talking to about citing his sources
Tell both of them, “You’re right.”
I’d say to my pet wolf/dog/dragon hybrid, “There’s another one boy, go get him!”
I believe we did those for last Halloween, which is where I originally heard the one in the OP…
I’d wonder why the boy in bed directed my attention to The Other underneath. If he’s the evil one, I wouldn’t think he’d want the real boy discovered.
So logically the real boy is the one on top, and The Other should be taken out with an axe. Unless The Other realized you would be logical and placed himself on top in order to induce you to get rid of the real one below. Follow?
As any responsible parent, I would decide who my real son is by staging a knife fight.
I would do a variant of the Red Dwarf test:
Let both kids show me their best performance of their best talent. Kill the one who conforms to my kid’s self-image.
In Red Dwarf, [mind you, I only happened to stumble across the end of this one episode] the main character was faced with the doppleganger dilemma so he had them both play the guitar. One delivered a smooth series of Hendricks and Zeppelin riffs that would put Ingwie Malmsteen to shame, and the other made horrible mistakes playing a simple three-chord arpegio. The main character then shot the awesome guitarist. When asked, “How’d you know he was the monster?” the main character explained, “You only THINK you play that great. Everyone else knows you suck!”
Or I’d play the Star Trek TOS Whom Gods Destroy game: Provide a prompt that requires a contextual response. Presumably, only my real kid will know the proper response. [COLOR=Black][This might be pretty tough with a kid young enough to be tucking into bed.][/COLOR]
[COLOR=Black]Or, most simply, use the Foster Mom ruse from T2: Ask about something with a key detail changed. “Did you brush your teeth? Kiss Mommy goodnight? Say goodnight to your sister and the cat?” The monster would affirm each point; my kid would know to correct my silliness (“DAD! Kris is my brother!”)[/COLOR]
—G!
Actually, I’d perform Inception tricks to force myself awake.
I DON’T HAVE ANY KIDS!
I’d kill the one under the bed. Anything that can survive the under-bed (dirty clothes, dirty dishes, “lost homework,” missing DVDs and books) of a teen girl is obviously NOT human.
You’re trying to trick me into giving something away…
won’t work.
Ah, but the expression on your face…your body language…your tone of voice - they have exposed your true nature. <raises the ax>
Does it bother you that you know 3 or 4 ways to tell evil doppelgangers from the real deal, apparently right off the top of your head? 'Cause that’s unusual in a parent. Not to say it’s not useful, just that it’s unusual.