Parents and enforcing teen celibacy

The BBQ Pit
1

Do you assholes think it’s an admirable attitude to have?

Ho ho ho, none of that teenage hi-jinx and hanky-panky will be going on in MY HOUSE. Not until they’re 30 and married. With two adopted children just to prove they can manage.
Ha ha ha, I remember what I was like at that age, I wanted to screw anything with two legs and a pulse. Hee hee hee. But my children are of course banned from being naked in the shower. I even make them wear jeans to go swimming at the beach. Because I’m a self-righteous, hypocritical dickhead.

I mean seriously what the fuck is this shit? Why even joke about it? It’s not particularly funny. It sure doesn’t make you look even remotely knowledgable about the real world. I don’t get how on one hand you can brag about your teen resourcefulness re: fucking in the bushes and on the other proudly wave the “my honor roll teen isn’t getting any sex because when their precious little preferred-gender friends come over I make sure the bedroom door is open and every two seconds I oh-so-casually walk past JUST TO BE SURE” flag.

Guess what, fool? Your dumbass attitude only ensures that they’ll be stealing their sisters panties to sniff while jacking off in the toilet at 2 a.m. because that’s the only time they’re allowed to be in there with the door locked, even if they’re taking a shit. So when they grow up to be cross-dressers (not that there’s anything * wrong * with that…) with incest and rape fantasies, you’ll only have yourselves to blame.

2

I’m not sure I agree with everything in the OP, but I agree about the silliness some parents go to to ensure that their kids won’t have sex. Unfortunately, parents just don’t realize that attitudes like that only reinforce the desire these kids have to do it.

I’m not every child, but when I was growing up, I had VERY lenient parents. At 16, I had no curfew, and was given a cell phone. My only rule was that if my parents called the cell phone, I had to tell them where I was and when I would be home. It worked well. Even with no curfew, I was usually home before midnight. We never had any problems, and I was having sex at 15. My parents gave me the talk, of course, about how I shouldn’t be doing it, but that didn’t stop me. Just about everyone I knew in high school was having sex, too. Many with stricter rules such as “no significant others over without a parent in the house” and “no closed doors when significant others are over”.

My sisters, similarly, have lenient rules. With the advent of technology as it is, my sisters are doing what I was doing at their age – talking to people online and, in some cases, meeting up with them. They’re not stupid, they’re safe about it, and I think a big part of why we turned out alright was because we had no silly rules hanging above our heads. Sure, we made more mistakes than we may have without them, but we damn sure didn’t make the same ones twice.

In short, a lot of parents try to commandeer the lives of their kids and, inevitably, it fails. While it’s done out of love and a desire to make sure their kids are safe, some parents do go overboard.

3

It seems potentially unwise to respond to a post addressed to “fool”, but this one intrigues me for a number of reasons. And I haven’t had much dialogue with teenagers, so a plunging I go. By way of introduction, I’m 39 and my newborns, twin boy and girl, are cooing from their crib in the next room. So I’m a parent, but not a parent of teenagers.

I’ll grant you right off the bat that it’s ridiculous for people to brag about their actions while condemning others for behaving the same way. I’ll even go one further and assert that 90% of what parents say doesn’t mean shit; it’s their behavior that matters.

But the thing is, and I’m already feeling this towards my kids even though they’re not out interacting with the world - I want to protect them. I don’t want them to suffer. I wish that the world could be an ideal place, I want to do what I can to make it thus. And knowing what hurt me, I want to spare them.

It is futile, I’ll grant you. Some of the most useful things I learned came from painful experiences, so I do know better. But just like teenagers have always felt and will always feel invincible, parents will always be protective. And sex is a risk. Physically, emotionally, spiritually, sometimes financially, things can go horribly, fatally wrong. It’s not automatic, no, but it does happen.

You are going to become sexually active at some point, you are going to have a sexual identity. If you can hold off on making those decisions until you have some life experience with which to back them up, you’re less likely to have regrets. That’s all.

It’s so funny, all the different things that sex represents. At your age, it’s something to fight with your parents about. At my age, it’s something to fight with my husband about.

4

J_Kat: Who are these parents of which you speak? I know lots of parents, and I don’t know any that have the attitude you describe. Been into the mescal or somethin’?

5

The OP assumes that all parents who “enforce celibacy” (as if such a thing is possible), are also braggarts regarding their OWN teen hijinks.

This along with the accusatory language (starting out by asking “okay you assholes” isn’t exactly asking), if you really want to know, why not be brave and flat out STATE that "you people who believe, or practice this are xyz, instead of hiding behind insults thinly disguised as questions?

Your first question, asked directly after the Subject Heading titled “Parents and Enforcing Teen Celibacy” was …

“Do you assholes think that’s an admirable attitude to have?” So I’m presuming that you mean do we (and I’m not an asshole) think that it’s admirable as parents to attempt to enforce celibacy for our teen children.

I have a 25 year old daughter and a 13 year old son. I never at any point thought about whether or not it was “admirable”. I merely did my best to guide my children to the best of my abilities as a parent. My motives were NOT so that I could make them into some puritanical sexless robots, or to make them lock themselves in the bathroom to masturbate out of sexual frustration, in fact, I candidly (though blushingly) discussed masturbation as a viable alternative with both of my kids. My motives were to try and keep them safe from the things about sex and being sexually active that I, as a parent, felt children just weren’t ready for, UNTIL they were adults on their own.

When one IS a parent, it’s not about “being buddies” or being admirable or getting acccolades form others. It’s about doing the best thing that you can for your child, keeping them as safe as you can, and raising them to be happy, sane and reasonably normal adults.

If one does their best at a job, whether others agree with the exact details or not, then yes, that’s admirable.

Your second question, one which really is more of a rambling several paragraph rant against people reminiscing about the “good old days” is a completely separate issue.

ARE people assholes for bragging about their own teenage exploits? IMHO? No, part of the REASON that people impart such information is to share that “hell, I wasn’t born yesterday, and even if I was, I didn’t live all day for nothin’”.

It’s a way of saying, NOT “look how bad I was as a teenage slutpuppy”, but a way of saying “I WAS there, I KNOW how it can get, I know the temptations, and the ease with which it can be accomplished. And since all that IS true, I hope to use it to help guide my child the best I can to NOT make the same stupid mistakes I did”.

The third issue that wound through your ramblings, was that of if a parent DOES have some sort of rules or guidelines regarding no sex for teens, then by default that he/she/they, must then be some sort of fundie sexually repressed weirdos.

The two, teen celibacy and sexual education, aren’t mutually exlusive you know.

Lastly, through all this hostility, and what appears to be someone taking it personally (as in, you either ARE, or WERE a child whose parents were excessively puritanical), you are exhibiting, parents whatEVER they may say, and whatEVER they may attempt to enforce regarding a teen’s behavior (whether it be having sex, getting an education, anything), the ONLY thing a parent can do, is live by example, set rules, and guide the child the best they can.

Most of us DO know that if a teen is bound and determined to do what he/she wants, he/she will find a way. If we’re lucky, and have done our jobs fairly well, our child will make the right choices for him/herself.

And hell YES that’s admirable.

6

::askeptic has tied hands behind back to prevent himself from posting something he will later regret::

7

i agree with the OP 100%

and i dont care if anybody disagrees, you’re all fucktards, your comments not worth my time.

8

Ah. So you believe that the second a child attains teenhood, a parent should simply throw the doors of their teen’s bedroom open to all and sundry? Damn the consequences, no rules, no guidelines just sex, if, when, where, and however the teen thinks they want it?

That the parent should expect NO following of any rule of any sort regarding sex by that teen while he/she is living in the parent’s home?

9

When one IS a parent, it’s not about “being buddies” or being admirable or getting acccolades form others.

Damn straight!

How is it hypocrisy for a parent to tell their child not to do something that THEY did as a teenager, and lived to regret? That’s called COMMON SENSE.

I’m going to make it as hard as hell for my kid to have sex. Why? Because I don’t want to be stuck raising a grandbaby when my own kid isn’t even grown, and I don’t want to have to pay CHILD SUPPORT on behalf of my son, who got some girl knocked up because I was too afraid of being called a hypocrite by morons like the OP.

10

  1. It’s the parent’s home. They pay the rent. If they have some guidelines, rules, standards, what have you, about what goes on in that home, they have that right.

  2. The parents are trying to protect the kids. The parents are legally responsible for the kids. There’s another thread somewhere about how a parent is having to pay a fine because the kid was truant. It was the kid’s actions, but the parent’s having to pay. Why? Because the parent is legally responsible for the kid, and the kid’s welfare is in the parent’s hands. Doesn’t seem fair that the parent should pay for the kid’s misdeeds? I kind of agree. But the fact is, that’s how it works. So, when parents are more responsible, they feel the need to enforce guidelines, “house rules,” and so forth. And the fact is, because they carry more responsibility, they are entitled to enforce more rules and restrictions. Don’t like it? Move out of the house, get a job, and be responsible for yourself in every way.

  3. A school near when I grew up had a high percentage of kids with AIDS. Parents see this kind of thing, and it scares the shit out of them. Parents see other kids (their friends’ kids) getting pregnant, or getting someone else’s daughter pregnant, and it scares the shit out of them. They want to protect their kids from something like that. And so they try their best to make rules and guidelines. Not to spoil the kid’s enjoyment, but to protect them. Because, like the point I made in #2, the parents are responsible for the kids. Financially, legally, emotionally, morally. So they’ve gotta try, dammit.

I remember when I was a kid and my parents were always trying to ruin my fun. I didn’t see it from their point of view—they were responsible for me and they were trying to look out for me. Sometimes they didn’t do it in the best way, or they didn’t explain it to me in a way that I understood, but that’s what they were trying to do. My mom says that when she had her first kid (my older sister) she realized that her life would forever be different. That her first priorities from then on would have to be about taking care of this kid. That her life, as she used to know it, was over. So when she made rules, or spanked us so we wouldn’t stray out in the street, she did it because she was trying to look out for us. Even though we didn’t understand that at the time.

11

CanvasShoes: I might be wrong here, but I DO believe that vasyachkin’s tongue was planted firmly in cheek whilst typing the above post.

12

No, he is just stoned… :smiley:

13

Parents try like hell to keep their kids from having sex while the kids try like hell to have sex.

It’s the CIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRCLE of LIIIIIIIIII-IIIIIIIIIFE!

14

I feel it’s my duty to inform you that the reality of the situation is that no matter how hard you make it for your kid to have sex, if he/she wants to have sex, he/she will have sex. Whether or not you “make it hard as hell”.

15

caphis: Can you really blame a parent for at least trying to prevent their kid from making a mistake that may either:

  1. bring a grandchild into the house, that the parent (grandparent of the grandchild) will have to help support and care for.

OR

  1. help pay for child support for a grandchild, after their son gets a girl pregnant.

Can you really begrudge a parent for not wanting that to happen?

If all the negative consequences of a teenager’s choice were only going to affect the kid, then maybe that would be different. But that’s not how it works. In the case of the truant kid that I allueded to earlier, the parent ended up paying a fine. In the case of a kid who is irresponsible sexually, the parent very well may end up footing the bill for the kid’s irresponsibility. So why shouldn’t the parent at least try to prevent that?

16

j_kat_251, I can’t wait until you have kids. When I was a kid I used to get mad at my mother for stuff she used to say and do to me.

Now I understand every single thing she ever did.

17

I’m not blaming anyone, I merely pointed out that no matter how hard a parent tries, inevitably, it won’t matter in the end. Whether or not it’s wrong is another topic that I won’t broach beyond making an analogy of a young teen driver. Often times (more often than, say, someone becoming pregnant), an accident will occur, and a teen will be at fault for a vehicle accident. Without doubt, it becomes the parent’s responsibility as far as insurance costs and liability. Should the parent have “done more” to ensure that such a thing wouldnt’ve happened? I don’t think there’s much a parent can do in that case.

Likewise, I don’t think there’s much a parent can do to prevent their child from having sex, if that’s what they want to do. I don’t begrudge any parent who wants the best for their child, but like I said, the reality is that if the kid wants to, the kid will. And it’s great that the parent wants to take such an active role in their child’s life, but quite honestly, there’s not much they CAN do.

18

Parents do all sorts of things to limit their kid’s driving. They don’t let them drive the car at all, for one. That kind of limits the accidents. (Though I suppose the kid could take the car on a joy ride.) They may make the kid get a part time job to help pay for insurance. (This may help the kid realize that driving is a financial responsibility.) They may make the kid help pay for their own car. (Once again, if they kid can’t handle the responsibility, they don’t drive.) They may restrict the times and places where the kid may drive the car. They may restrict who the kid can drive with. They make all these restrictions, in the hopes of preventing the kid from being irresponsible. Does it always work? No. But they try, and they should try. And trying to restrict the kid is usually better than doing nothing. Thinking that there’s nothing that can be done, or nothing they do will change, because “kids will drive anyway” isn’t going to stop parents from restricting their kids in driving.

Same here.

19

This is my point.

I won’t debate whether or not parents should pursue fruitless endeavors, but if it helps them sleep at nights, then so be it. I’m not a parent, so I’m not going to say any more than that.

20

But we don’t know that it’s entirely fruitless.

Just like a parent restricting a kid’s driving (or making them get a job before they can have a car, etc.), parents trying to restrict a kid having sex may prevent some accidents or irresponsibility. At least attempting to prevent their kids from possibly getting pregnant or getting an STD isn’t the same as not trying at all. Trying probably isn’t fruitless. Certanly not 100% effective, but not 100% fruitless either.

Sometimes, just knowing that a parent is going to be terribly disappointed, or that the parent is going to make them get a job (or put some other “punishment” or restriction on them) might be enough to prevent a kid from doing some frowned-upon activity. They’ll decide that the cons outweigh the pros. Compare that to a parent saying, “Do whatever you want, because I know I can’t stop you and it’s fruitless to even try” and I think there is a difference. At least some of the time.

I know that in my own case, my fear of my parents’ disappointment prevented me from doing a lot of things. If they’d said that they didn’t care, that they weren’t going to stop me because they knew that I’d do whatever I wanted to in the end, I probably would have been more open to trying certain things. But I couldn’t bear the possibility of facing them and telling them that I did this thing, or tried that thing, after they’d told me how much they didn’t want me to do it, and gave me their reasons why. YMMV and all that.