Parents: Do you think this is an unhealthy example of sheltering your kids?

In My Humble Opinion
21

[QUOTE=Jean Poutine]
I dunno, if said child came home from “drugs are bad- m’kay” day at school upset b/c the staff had drilled into them the evils of all drugs ala Reefer Madness, and said father toked the occasional doobie, if the kid asked, should the father admit it? Should he explain the pros and cons of all drugs and discuss how the US antidrug laws are archiac? Or just say no and leave it at that? Again, I say a lie that doesn’t really hurt anything, like “do I look fat in this”, is ok for adults and kids.
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Yes, at 10 years old he’s absolutely old enough to hear the pros and cons of drugs and the history of drug laws. Statistically, “Just Say No” drug education doesn’t reduce drug use, but *educational *drug education does. Now what exactly is this doing in this thread?

For this thread, I have to agree that while it may be more convenient in the short term, this behavior is only going to cause more trouble in the long term. And parenting is full of those traps: letting the sick 2 year old sleep with you is convenient at the time, but if it becomes a habit, you’ll have a fidgety 6 year old who’s all elbows and knees and refuses to sleep in her own bed. Making pizza and chicken fingers every night is more convenient than giving the kid healthy food options, until you get a kid who won’t eat anything else. Letting them jump on the couch is more convenient than stopping them, until they get so big that they destroy the furniture.

Parenting isn’t about what’s convenient, it’s about what’s good and right for the kid** in the long run**. I have so much sympathy for this poor little guy - I can absolutely see how terrifying 9-11 would be to a child of that age. I really, really do “get it.” Yes, he probably is a bit “neurotic” and hard to deal with. But his father isn’t helping him work through it or deal with it. He’s choosing the path that’s easier for him, not what’s best for his kid. That’s shitty parenting, IMHO.

While I certainly think that explanations can and should be made age appropriate, I have yet to hear of an example when lying to a child is really in the child’s best interest.

[QUOTE=Hey you!]

[ignorant, non-parent comment] Over the past years, I’ve been feeling like the U.S. has become a bit neurotically over-protective regarding our children. Like seeing 25 seconds of Janet Jackson’s semi-bare breast is going to corrupt a child’s soul. And even though I guess I support helmets for biking, I never had one on when I was a kid and I did some pretty stupid shit on a bike when I was a kid and somehow survived. I guess I feel like treating our kids like fragile porcelain figurines is not in the best interest of the kids we care about. [/ignorant, non-parent comment]
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And, as a parent, I agree completely. There’s a fine (and sometimes not-so-fine) line between “protect” and “stunt”. We’re stunting our kids physically, emotionally and socially in our fervent desire to protect them from hypothetical harm.

22

Agree about the drugs discussion w/kids, but not that you should tell them you toke- IIRC I once heard of a parent innocently “turned in” by his kid when the school asked the kids if they knew any drug users- how unethical is that??

And good point about short term/long term- I guess it depends. If the kid hears his father is on a plane would he sniffle for a few minutes, or throw a full out hour long tantrum?

23

[QUOTE=Jean Poutine]
Agree about the drugs discussion w/kids, but not that you should tell them you toke- IIRC I once heard of a parent innocently “turned in” by his kid when the school asked the kids if they knew any drug users- how unethical is that??
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I hear you. As a mom, I’ve had the same worry. Thus far, I remain unjailed.

I still don’t think it depends. Rather, what depends is what kind of treatment the boy may need. If he sniffles for a few minutes, oh well. He’s coping. If he cries for 5-10 minutes, then perhaps his father can, as suggested, take him to the airport, discuss safety procedures, explain media scare tactics, etc. If he throws an hour-long tantrum, he may need professional help. Nothing wrong with that, lots of adults have plane phobias that need professional help. But he needs to cope with his fear, not be lied to and sheltered from it.

My baby girl (18 months, 4 months preemie, so 14 months developmentally) was terrified of grass this summer. She hated the feel of it, and would screech and pull her legs up to her chest if you started to put her down in it. If she got all the way down, she’d cry pitifully and pull her legs up in the air, trying to sit only on her butt. It would have been very much easier for me to simply keep her off the grass all summer. But she would not have been well served by that in the long run - she wouldn’t get to have all the fun that comes from walking, playing or just sitting in the grass. So we worked on it with her. We started on a blanket, and picked grass leaves with our fingers. I put her favorite toys in the grass just beyond the edge of the blanket. Soon, I put them further away, where she had to touch grass to retrieve them and bring them to the safety of the blanket. It took about six weeks of daily work, but by the end of July she was fine with grass. She spent the rest of the summer learning to walk on the grass, hiding things in the grass, playing with the hose in the grass - all good developmental fun things to do that she wouldn’t have been able to do had I just kept her in the cemented in backyard so she wouldn’t cry!

My son (13 years) is by nature a pretty tentative, shy and conservative fellow. We’ve had to work on a lot of fears over the years. Without a doubt, getting rid of a fear is far, far preferable to hiding from the thing you’re afraid of, whether you’re 18 months or 50 years old.

24

[QUOTE=Antinor01]
If he’s 10 now, he was about 5 when 9/11 happened. So his entire life has been in a world of ‘terror alerts’, warnings about flying and the media basically telling us that if you fly you WILL DIE!
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Not to mention the snakes. :wink:

Add me to the camp that says this is going too far to “protect” a kid from normal reality. The father needs to sit down with the son and talk through his fears in a gentle but honest way. The longer he lies, the worse this kid’s meltdown is going to be when the truth finally comes out.

25

I think that if this is the biggest issue you can find to question on your co-worker’s parenting skills, then your co-worker is doing a pretty okay job as a parent.

This is hardly a “won’t someone think of the children!” issue.

26

[QUOTE=EddyTeddyFreddy]
What’s up with a ten-year-old boy calling his father so often? Is he a single dad? Even if so, this sounds abnormal to me. Granted, I’m not a parent, but isn’t this awfully clingy for a boy this age?
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Sounds OK to me. A few times a day to say hi, especially if he knows dad will be away for a while? But I can only guess at what normal parents and kids do, since I never called my father at work.

27

[QUOTE=Hey you!]
[ignorant, non-parent comment] Over the past years, I’ve been feeling like the U.S. has become a bit neurotically over-protective regarding our children. Like seeing 25 seconds of Janet Jackson’s semi-bare breast is going to corrupt a child’s soul. And even though I guess I support helmets for biking, I never had one on when I was a kid and I did some pretty stupid shit on a bike when I was a kid and somehow survived. I guess I feel like treating our kids like fragile porcelain figurines is not in the best interest of the kids we care about. [/ignorant, non-parent comment]
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Amen to that!! Indeed, it seems like parents have become obsessed with protecting the needs & desires of other people’s children, in lieu of their own. (hint…hint…)

I don’t see how this is an issue at all. The kid will eventually get over his flying fear on his own, and he’ll probably laugh it off when he finds out that daddy’s been flying all over the country during this time. Kids are far more resilient than we grown-ups give them credit for.

28

[QUOTE=KGS]
Amen to that!! Indeed, it seems like parents have become obsessed with protecting the needs & desires of other people’s children, in lieu of their own. (hint…hint…)
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For the record, I never (or would ever) tell this guy how to raise his kid. I am only an observer of the barest snippet of their interaction.

The reason I posted the topic is to get parents’ perspectives on the matter so that one day, should I ever procreate myself, I’ll have the benefit of this dialogue to make the right decision regarding such matters.

So: this thread is for my education, not the co-workers.

29

I’m stuck on the fact that the dad is telling his son he is not going on an airplane, but then picks up the phone while he is at the airport? Where’s the follow through? If he’s going to lie to his kid, he should try to be more clever about it. :stuck_out_tongue:

30

[QUOTE=Shagnasty]
“You can’t handle the truth! Son, we live in a world that has walls. And those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Who’s gonna do it? You?”
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Ooh…and he nails the rest of the quote…

I give it a ten.