My friend Jay and I decided to start our own band in September. Since the teachers at our school are all going to some conference today and tomorrow, we get school off, so we decided that this would be the perfect time to meet up at Jay’s house with Jay’s best friend, Mark, who’s an awesome guitarist. Anyways, I asked my mom if I could go, but I didn’t mention that I would be the only girl there. She said I could go. Then, just an hour ago, while we were having lunch, she asked me who else was going to be there. So, I said, “Just me, Jay and Mark.” And she told me that I can’t go and now she’s mildly pissed off at me for not telling her that I was going to be the only girl there. I do feel kind of guilty for not telling her, but I didn’t bother to tell her because she never asked. Well, I didn’t get mad or anything at my mom because I understand why she’s not letting me to Jay’s place. So, was what I did considered “lying”?
Did you know that your mom would object to you going if you were the only girl there? If so, then you lied by ommission.
If it was never made clear to you that your mom would have a problem with you being the only girl there then I think you’re on firmer ground.
I’m not sure. But it seems to me that if you knew that being the only girl there would be a deal breaker, then failing to tell your mother that you would be the only girl there is at least a lie of omission.
If I may ask, how old are you?
Oh…I guess I did lie because I wasn’t entirely sure if me being the only girl would bother her, but I kind of knew she would want to know. I feel really really bad about it now. I’m kind of nervous about what my mom is going to say when she comes back home from work later.
And myskepticsight, my birthday’s in my profile.
I’m not a member, so I can’t look at profiles.
I was wondering if you were young enough that your mom should still have concern about you hanging out with boys alone. I remember my mom flipped out once when I was 12 or 13 cause I had one of my guy friends in the house when they weren’t home. I understand why now, but at the time it pissed me off something awful. It was years before they actually had to worry, hah.
Oh…well, in that case, I’m 15 (turning 16 in December). Like I said, I understand why my mom won’t let me go over to his place. But, I’m still a little disappointed (in both the fact that I can’t go and in myself that I didn’t think of this and lied to my mom).
I’m a parent, and I wouldn’t have a problem with my daughter playing music with a couple of guys at age 15/16 as long as they’re just friends. As a parent, I would want to know the nature of the relationship before giving my OK, but as you represent it (just friends playing music), I don’t see the problem. I play music, though, and I’m kind of assuming its ALL ABOUT THE MUSIC, MAN!
What’s the problem with you being the only girl there?
Aw, you’re a cool parent. I kept trying to explain to my mom that it would just be me and two friends playing our guitars and bass together and being music fans. I still feel bad, though. But, yes, it is all about the music!
(On preview: Miller, my parents are overprotective. That’s why…)
dare unless you have some sort of history of being ‘naughty with the boys when left allone’ I feel your parents are being unreasonable in not treating you as a young adult. Especially if the band session was not going to go on until after dark and extraespecially if the boys are known to you and your mother. I guess it may be a cultural thing that makes your parents overprotective (or overconstrictive).
Well, they don’t generally teach Logic 101 in High School, but that is generally known as a fallacy of omission. So yes, you did lie.
I think the bigger question is should you have to?
Let me guess, either only child or oldest, right?
Perhaps, but that’s not really the point, IMO. You may be okay with it, but that doesn’t mean that her parents would be… or that she’d be justified in hiding this info from her progenitors.
Yup, I’m the older one.
Well I’m sorry your parents are being lame. Not to condone this at all but I lied by ommision often as a teen. Because I was confident that I had a good head on my shoulders and could make decisions on where I wanted to spend my time. I am overly cautious by nature so I never ended up anywhere shady. Just playing music with your friends, guys or not, seems perfectly reasonable to be able to do at your age.
I wonder if your parents have ever thought about how being overprotective will end up in the future - like the kids I know who had uptight parents and went crazy when they got freedom in college. I’m not tryng to diss on their parenting, but unless you have proved otherwise in the past, they should loosen up and let you make some of your own decisions. By your age I am guessing you are a sophomore in high school, which is by no means old or super mature, but it’s old enough to hang out with boys alone playing guitar.
I realize you might feel kind of dorky having a chaperone along, but if doing the music thing is important to you (it certainly would be to me), maybe you can ask mom to go along or have it in a public place (ask your music director at school if you can meet/rehearse there).
Obviously, it was wrong of you to omit knowing that your mom would object, but if your intentions are pure, maybe you can negotiate something out…
You feel guilty about an accidental lie of omission? If you didn’t think of it, it doesn’t count an a lie.
Now let me try to imagine a scenario in which I’m fifteen and lie to my parents and then feel guilty.
Hmm . . .
Nope. Can’t imagine being fifteen and feeling guilty about lying. Lying to your parents is one of the main skills you learn in high school. It’s important to learn it now; it’s later on that it becomes really important.
It’s the power of the parents. They make me feel guilty for anything and everything they think is wrong.
You didn’t lie. To lie is to make a false statement
What you did is deceitful. Deceit is to present your statements in a way that tricks people into believing what you want. Almost nobody is going to react nicely to someone that deceives them.
Yes, this is why I feel bad. I wasn’t sure if I was lying, but I knew I wasn’t being 100% truthful. Consider this life lesson learned.