Here’s a second to that emotion. I was one of those kids with over-controlling parents. (To this day, they treat me like I’m 10.) As soon as I got my first taste of freedom, a state away in a dorm, I went wild and did just about everything they could’ve possibly wanted to “protect” me from. I’m sure your parents have no idea that’s what they’re doing to you, but in my experience the one correlates just about 100% with the other. The point isn’t that you lied; the point is that you’re being deprived of good parenting (IMO) and that’s unfortunate, but there’s nothing you can do about it. One day, looking back, it will be a bunch of silly drama. (I bet I sound about twice as old as I actually am, here.)
On all this lying and deceit stuff, though, a couple of things stand out from your post:
You’re completely innocent. All of this “you were trying to mislead your mom” stuff is ridiculous. You clearly had pure intention.
You’re insecure, as evidenced by your need to ask us if what you did was OK. There’s nothing wrong with that. I’m a college student and I’m insecure too. But it’s something to keep in mind–believe what you believe, feel what you feel and hold it strongly. As a young woman you either already have or will soon be dealing with situations where the consequences will be much more significant than whether or not you can hang out with a couple of friends, and the only way to keep from getting hurt/destroyed in those situatoins is to know what you know, hold on to it tightly, and refuse to cave in to others’ opinions. Someone on another message board I used to frequent, calls this “the DGAF attitude”, for “Don’t Give a Fuck”. That means, don’t even care about what others think of you and the decisions you make. I try to strive to the DGAF standard in my daily life and the better I do it, the better my life gets.
Uh, evil vampiric boys who want to suck my blood and then eat my corpse? I think it’s just because they don’t know Jay very well and they’ve never met his parents. If they knew his parents, then it would’ve been okay for me to go.
And fetus, thank you for reminding of DGAF. I try to tell myself that everyday, but my parents intimidate me so much sometimes that I entirely lose my head with them.
Why not bring a girl friend or two to listen to you all play? Recalling my teen years, low those many long years ago, I would have jumped at the chance to go to a jam session with two available guys.
I’m not really talking about your parents. It’s really tough to pull off DGAF with them, and it’s not recommended unless you’ve already been doing it successfully for years.
dare_devil007_, I just wanted to say that based on this and a couple other threads I’ve you’ve started about your parents, I think that they are way too overprotective, especially considering what a good person you are. I also want to say that I think you deal with their restrictions really well. I’m still kinda annoyed that my parents weren’t as strict with my younger siblings as they were with me.
I don’t really have any additional suggestions to your immediate problem, though. Sorry.
dare_devil007–I would just like to take a kind of alternative track here, with apologies for going off your original topic.
I have been a teen ager, and my wife and I have also gone through raising a teen-age girl. So, I really do understand what your concerns are. Truly.
But what I want to say is that I was a gonzo, flaming IDIOT at your age, and I think you are just absolutely wonderful for not only considering the other sides to your (valid) issue, but actually asking others what they think.
That shows a huge amount of non-self-centeredness and self-evaluation.
I do congratulate you for this, and think that there are really good things ahead of you for your attitude. I think any parent would be proud to have such as you…You rock!!
I don’t think you did anything wrong. After all, you admitted the truth when she asked, and that’s a good thing!
However, I also don’t blame your parents for being wary of the idea of you hanging out with these boys. It’s not because they can’t trust you (I’m sure you’re a very responsible girl, since you’re thinking about things like trying to be honest with your parents), but because teen boys can’t always be trusted!
I know it’s really frustrating when parents are overprotective, but try to be patient with them. In a few years, you’ll be on your own and be able to do whatever you want.
Daredevil007, you’re asian, right? I think that probably gives this thread some more perspective; most asian parents are completely bonkers about stuff like this, especially concerning girls.
I had a filipino friend who had problems like this with her parents, and she was 23!
Yes, I am Korean. Explains a lot, doesn’t it? Not to go off-topic on my own thread for a moment, but I agree that people who had overprotective parents will go wild as soon as they are given freedom to do whatever they want, especially when they go into university/college. I’ve picked out the tattoo I want to get when I graduate.
Well, anyways, Jay and I have decided to: 1. find a female drummer so my mom won’t go bonkers when we have to meet up and 2. practise at school. I don’t think my mother is pissed at me anymore, but I apologized anyways…
Right after my mom told me I couldn’t go, I came here because I knew I could turn to the SDMB for anything.
Daredevil007, you’re asian, right? I think that probably gives this thread some more perspective; most asian parents are completely bonkers about stuff like this, especially concerning girls.
I had a filipino friend who had problems like this with her parents, and she was 23!
Unfortunately, yeah. I went to school for a while at a university with a large Asian population, and a lot of those kids really overcompensated… even the ones whose parents took the precaution of insisting that they could only room with other Asians.
Just try to stay philosophical about it and don’t let them get to you too much. Once you do your time and make it to 18, you’re free. (Well, unless you stay financially dependent on them… try not to do that!) It’s like a prison sentence - not much you can do about it except wait it out and try not to let it drive you crazy.
Well, even though my mom forgave me for this, she still asked my best friend about this birthday party I’m going to tomorrow. She asked who was going to be there (I told my mom that my whole class is and that’s the truth). I’m not sure if this is punishment for me or something, but I can’t help but feel the slightest bit ticked off. Oh, well. I’ve only got a year and a half left until I graduate…
Is it possible to get the band going at a netural place, say the school, your garage or something? Or find a suitable occasion to introduce Jay and Mark to your parents?
I don’t know. I have a 16-year-old daughter, and I’d be very nervous about her going to hang out unsupervised with two boys, especially if I didn’t know both boys well. My daughter is very sensible, she chooses her friends well, and I have no doubts about her ability to make good personal choices. That doesn’t make me worry any less about allowing her to walk into a potentially dangerous situation (and although I know that most teenaged boys are good human beings, I also know that some are potentially dangerous).
So I don’t know if it makes you feel any better, but this liberal white sixth-generation American mom agrees with your mom. I’m thinking culture may not be the deciding factor in this one.
Actually, Jay’s mom was going to be at home and my mom was going to ask her to keep an eye on us. But, then she changed her mind and didn’t want me to go at all. Oh, well. Jay and I are going to try to book the music classroom in the mornings so we could meet up at school instead.
I think it is more that you failed in your responsibility to provide key information that your parents need to make a decision that involved your well being, as they see it.
Somewhat like ’ can I hang out in the park w/ my (same sex) friends this afternoon. While not mentioning that one of those friends was bringing pot.
I don’t see it as a lie as much, as a questioning the amount of trust I could place on you.
What I was wondering was, what horrible thing do they think they’re protecting you from?