My 17yo had an appointment this week to get the go-ahead, and next month she’ll start estrogen and t-blockers. I’m excited for her but still a bit nervous… I’d love to talk with anyone who’s gone through this as a parent. Any Dopers who are trans themselves and have transitioned, I’d be interested to hear about your experiences if you’re willing to share.
Calling @Mollie_Magill.
I kinda want to say @TokyoBayer might have some insight?
If I’m mistaken, I apologize.
Thank you! I guess the SDMB search function isn’t very good? I searched for “trans” and “transitioned” and this thread didn’t come up 
Close, but you are looking for @China_Guy .
Oh, my goodness, I am so sorry. I deeply apologize for mixing up your names & backgrounds.
My parents are 92, and they’ve eventually come around. 
I’m not a parent of trans, but I taught for nine years at a school that specifically cultivated a safe and supportive environment. About 15% of our students were trans and I got to know many of them and their parents quite well, including Joel Baum with Gender Spectrum, a group dedicated to supporting families of trans folks.
They are a wonderful resource. This is from a Gemini search:
Here are key resources, guides, and articles co-authored or contributed to by Joel Baum and the work of Gender Spectrum:
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Educational Frameworks & Core Concepts:
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Sex? Sexual Orientation? Gender Identity? Gender Expression? (PDF) — A foundational teaching and reference resource co-authored by Joel Baum and Kim Westheimer that breaks down the distinct differences between these four concepts.
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Creating Gender Inclusive Schools (PDF) — A comprehensive resource guide providing strategies and perspectives for educators and families to build welcoming learning environments.
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School and Community Guidance:
- Schools in Transition: A Guide for Supporting Transgender Students in K-12 Schools — Co-developed by Gender Spectrum alongside the National Center for LGBTQ Rights (NCLR) and other organizations to help administrators, teachers, and parents navigate supportive policies.
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Youth Narratives & Literature Support:
- Gender Generations Project / Trans Youth Stories — Collections featuring essays, art, and commentary endorsed and contextualized by advocates like Joel Baum, putting the voices of trans and non-binary youth directly at the forefront.
Our daughter came out in her early twenties, so we aren’t as aware of details as we would be had she come out at a younger age. I don’t know what she’s doing beyond hormone shots. I’ve noticed her getting emotional a little more, but I don’t know if that can be attributed to anything she’s taking. Also, her formerly straight hair has become a lot more curly. That may not have anything to do with transitioning, though; my wife, me, and our son all have plenty of curls. There are also parts of the country where she isn’t comfortable travelling, for obvious reasons.
My son identified as trans at 17, started T at 18 and is now 21. He had top surgery this year.
I was also excited and nervous, fully believing he knew himself best and that something wasn’t right. I also grieved, because while it wasn’t a total shock, I still had to rearrange the idea of who I thought he was. And because I had all of these conflicting feelings but my ultimate value was that he is my child who deserves love and support, I decided to see a counselor for a few visits to work through all of that so I could fully be there for him.
Every single step of the way, as he became more aligned physically with what he felt mentally, his peace, his joy, was so beautiful to me. The only difficulty was that Trump was re-elected and the EO’s and rhetoric around trans people were so harmful.
I also found some connection on transfamilies.org.
So while I don’t have any advice specifically around MtF, I can say that overall there’s a lot of support out there.
One thing that has helped me is the support I’ve gotten from here. I hope your daughter has a community.
There is also probably a support group in your area she can attend after she’s turned eighteen. If you’d like I can ask around.
I’d never turn down an offer of help… we’re in northern Illinois, about halfway between Chicago and Milwaukee. Since she came out to her mom and me and she’s socially transitioned some at school, she’s kinda blossomed socially and some of her friends there at school are somewhere in the LGBTQ community. Still, I know she asked the social worker she saw about how to plug into the community outside of school, so resources are welcome. I’ve shown her your thread, Mollie, so she may create an account here and chime in.
If you’re near Lake County, there’s the LGBTQ+ Center of Lake County. They have support groups for adults (18+), young adults (16 - 39)[1], and a group for parents.
They and I have very different ideas of what range are “young adults” ↩︎
Hi BomTek, I’m standing on the shoulders of giants. My son came out a few days before starting high school. He (“we”) started testosterone on a very low dose at 16. Did the top surgery the summer between junior and senior year of high school. Now at senior bio-chem major at University.
I sent you a PM to connect directly.
For my son, absolutely a great thing. Honestly, I am not sure he would be alive now without the transition. There was an awful lot of “joking” suicidal ideation. At least monthly calls from school. That all literally flipped 180 degrees with his first testosterone injection. Not saying that’s right for everyone, but was what my son absolutely needed.
It is incredible what getting the correct chemicals into your brain does.
Just reading this makes me so happy for you and for your son
I don’t have any direct experience, but I’m active in a “queer friendly” square dance group and have several trans and non-binary friends and acquaintances. I’m one of the “safer dances coordinators” for that group, and my role has included talking to dancers who misgender other dancers. (Lots of people make mistakes, but we had a guy who wasn’t trying, or at least, that’s what the evidence suggested. And another guy who was a little weird about it.) A close friend (I’m currently quarantining in his house) struggled with his gender identity and finally decided to identify as a non-gender-conforming man, after a great deal of therapy.
So, i probably can’t give any useful advise or relay personal experience, but I’m happy to be a supportive listener.
Probably a mix of psychological and correct chemicals. For my son, I doubt it was a chemical change from the first very low dosage shots. Rather, he was taking a major step in the transition in a safe space at home and at school. A year later there were physical changes such as voice dropped, muscles and body fat were different. Getting top surgery 18 months later sure helped with the body dysphoria.
In other words, I’m sure the T helped, but it was a lot more than just a T shot.