Okay so here we are with two wonderful adopted children in grade one and three.
The problem: we know no one else with kids even remotely the same age as ours. Basically, we have no friends who have kids.
When we jumped into this crazy adventure, we didn’t think that would be a problem. After all, we have lots of people who are looking forward to having these kids around, right? Yeah, not so much. Our friends without kids mostly avoid seeing us unless it is without the kids.
So, I think it would be a good idea to make friends with other families with similarly aged children.
How does one do this? Should I put out a personal ad?
If you don’t mind my asking:
When did you adopt? Did you adopt both at the same time? Do you know how cool it is that you have two adopted children? I’d say pretty cool. Good on you.
I’m not a parent, but how about inviting their children over for a playdate and asking the parents to stick around for a while. Or you could meet other parents through the school, such as the PTA. If the kids are in Girl Scouts or Boy Scouts, that might be another way to meet parents. If anything, I think it would be easier for parents to meet other adults than for those of us who are childless to do so.
Invite a few kids over to play after school or on the weekend. The school has a telephone directory doesn’t it? When the kids get dropped off make sure to introduce yourself to the parents and get their names, invite the parent in for coffee or just make some chit-chat. It’ll probably take a few meetings for them to warm up to you so be patient. If your house is the “fun” house believe me you’ll be popular quickly.
Same for birthday parties, take the opportunity to reach out (gently at first so you don’t freak anyone out).
Get involved in activities at school. Most schools always have open positions on a committe they need filled.
My wife and I just moved to a new town with our two young kids. She stays home with them and found a stay at home mom’s group locally on Facebook. It might be worth looking into if you have a FB account. They get together once or twice a week - it’s great for the kids and the moms.
We’ve found one other couple out of the group that we seem to have stuff in common with and have hung out with them separately.
You’ll have to make a real effort to connect with parents of the kids’ classmates. Volunteer for the school events where you can meet them, introduce yourself to other parents if you pick your kids up after school, and like Dewey Finn said, invite the other parent over for coffee and cake or something when the kids get together. Many of them are also in need of some adult companionship, too, even if they don’t know it yet. Sometimes parents meet other parents at church or temple; those non-religious spiritual or holistic or Ethical Society ones can be a good choice. Make it a project of yours to befriend them; they’ll probably appreciate it.
The key to making friends is to have something in common. Well, presto: Having kids of that age is something in common. So when you invite the other parents over, talk about the kids. And, of course, let them talk about their kids, too.
Libraries often have age-appropriate programs for children your age, and often they require a parent to help with whatever the project is. Try seeing if your local library has anything like this.
The boy’s birthday party is in a few weeks. I will do my best to schmooze during the pick up/drop off phase (and get numbers for playdates).
Getting involved in the PTA is a challenge. They don’t look kindly on those of us who both work. The SAHM contingient has kinda shunned me since I went back to work (I took parental leave when the kids arrived).
You can try meetup.com. Search for groups within a certain radius of your zipcode using key words. Start with something general like “parenting” and you should get a bunch of hits. (I got 71 groups within 25 miles).
I know what you mean. Our PTA doesn’t shun me by any means, but they clearly have their own little group of friends and I’m new, so I don’t fit, and I work, so I can’t participate as much as I’d like. Still, just keep going to the PTA meetings. Part of your problem (and mine) is that many of those PTA moms have probably been there for four or five years and have had a lot more opportunity than you have to form close friendships with other moms in the same situation as they are. For example, most of the PTA moms in my child’s school started in PTA when their kids were in kindergarten; now their children are in 5th grade, they’ve got a new one in kindergarten, so they’ve been there for a long time with no end in sight. You just have to keep hammering away at them. And even if you don’t click with the moms there, at least you’ll get to know the administrators and teachers at your kids’ school, which is really valuable, too.
Good luck, and definitely follow up with those parent you get phone numbers from. We have a similar problem, though our issue is not that our friends don’t have kids, but that we want to get to know local parents (i.e., in our neighborhood) who have children, too. I love visiting my friends and getting our kids together to play, but I’d love for my son to be able to run down the street to visit neighborhood kids without making the whole thing a big production.
Holidays tend to be an excellent time to meet new parents and kids. Halloween is nice because most parents bring their kids around and you can (without being stalker-esque) get to know the parents as they come by with their kids for candy. But you can probably do the same for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Doubtless they’ll have lots of activities throughout the holiday season in which you can participate - just show up, participate in as many events as you can and try to get to know people.
Missed the edit window: sorry, I just noticed you’re in Ontario, and I don’t think meetup.com is in Canada. But maybe try googling for local parenting groups? Good luck!
It surprises me a bit that the PTA would look down on households in which both parents work outside the home, since I imagine that’s the majority of families today. But perhaps it’s that the PTA is dominated by stay-at-home parents.
plan play date days, make sure to included parents
summer take over a park make it a BYOE bring your own everything
do jungle java or mds same way
field trips
talk to other moms and dads out side of school during pick up
some times you need to parent shop take your kids to a play place and if they start playing with a couple of kid strict up a conversation with the mom/dad if they aren’t wackos keep going kinda like meeting people at a bar only not drunk and with kids if you have a nice talk ask if they be back next week/day ect… show up then and keep going,
im not a religious person but a church and its actives can be a great way to meet other parents
Any actives you chose need to be the kind that the kid cant kill them selves or get completely lost doing otherwise every one will be so focused on the kids that know-one will talk