Half the fun of being a grandparent is conspiring with the kids about pushing the rules. I bought my granddaughter a short black flapper dress with rows of fringe so that she could “shimmy” when she was 13. I thought it looked great with her blue hair. Her stepfather went through the roof, but my, we had a fine time!
If it’s not permanent, let them get away with it with only a little protest. Recind the protests as they get older.
I think it’s neat that he paid for it himself.
Over the past three months, my daughter’s hair has gone from mid-back-length curly brown, to shoulder length straightened black, to two-inch-long bright red, and now back to black and blue. (The initial change, by the way, was surely prompted by a friend of mine gushing about how exactly alike we looked. No fifteen year old wants to look like her mom!)
I don’t always love the changes, but our agreement is that it’s her hair, and she can do anything she wants to it, except bleaching. I don’t object to blonde, I just object to the damage. And the roots. Bright blue is fine, roots are tacky. Don’t ask me to justify this thinking!
Since I’m pretty sure it’s illegal (in at least most states) to pierce or tattoo minors, then no kid should be doing that even WITH parental permission.
And when it comes to clothes, we have definite rules about what I’ll buy, what she can buy with her own money, and what it’s not okay for her to own, period.
I guess the bottom line is that you’ve got to set some boundaries, but within those, let them do what they want.
Oh, and Zoe, my father, who wouldn’t let me so much as trim my hair until I was twelve, and who forbade pierced ears entirely, brought my daughter to the hairdresser and paid for her short spikey do, and has also attended and funded multiple ear piercings. As Bill Cosby said, “That is not my parent! What you are looking at is an old person, trying to get into heaven!!!” 
I pierced my ears when I was 12, and my folks came unglued. The earrings came out and I didn’t get them done again until I was well into my 20s.
My son shaved his head when he was 14 or so. I came unglued about that one, too. But I have since reevaluated my response. I was wrong. It’s his business.
I still haven’t gotten over the tattoos. He is an ink junkie and it makes me sad.
Do you have a cite for this, by any chance? I’m not being snarky; I’ve never lived in any state but Maryland, so certainly what’s true here could not be extrapolated to “in most states”, but here, it’s certainly permissible to have ears (and other body parts) pierced with parental permission. Not sure about tattoos.
Nope, not at all. States vary widely on the issue, but in most of them tattooing, body piercing or branding a minor is legal either with the written permission or if done in the presence of the parent. Ear piercing, of course, is done by many pediatricians on infants, at their parents’ request. Google piercing minor laws for cites.
D’oh, you’re both right, of course, about piercings at the very least, I think that the laws are stricter about tattoos. The dangers of posting before finishing my coffee.
Agreed. When I got my hair dyed blue at 16 years old, my mom actually paid for it and knew exactly what I was going to do. She loved it and I was fine with that. This was early summer 1994, btw.
AdoptaTeens can permanently dye their hair any color that naturally grows on someone’s head. They can temporarily dye it any color they want as long as it comes out in a few washings.
DH and I would prefer that they give us a heads up beforehand, but it’s not a BFD if they don’t. To qualify that a bit, AdoptaDaughter is black and has very fragile hair. She’s had some “unique” ideas about what she’d like to do with her hair and recognizes that she may damage her hair beyond the point of no return if she doesn’t run the idea by someone who knows what they’re doing first.
Over the Thanksgiving holidays AdoptaSon asked to pierce his ear. We gave the thumbs up (which was a huge concession for AdoptaDad - I’m so proud of him for moving outside of his comfort zone) and he’s planning to get it done this summer.
Me too. I think I’d be proud of my kid for showing the initiative. He saw something he wanted, made a decision, and paid for it himself? Excellent!
My kids are kind of wishy-washy like me. I’m trying to teach them to take control of situations, like this boy did.
I’ve let my daughter color her hair every color of the rainbow and then some… but I think I’d be pissed if she did it without at least telling me first. Not too long ago she and a bunch of her girlfriends decided they were going to go dye a guy-friend’s hair for him. The guy is 19, but my reaction was still, “Do Ryan’s parents know about this??”
I guess I’m stodgier than I thought. sigh
My mom used to think it was disrespectful and deliberately disobeying her not to have my hair in the exact style she wanted it. :rolleyes: I think it’s fine, and I think kids should have the opportunity.
Matter of fact, I’ve been thinking of dying my hair - a nice subtle auburn - and I’m certainly no kid.
[Henna Hijack!]
*Not-so-subtly points **Anaamika *in the direction of www.hennaforhair.com
I used chemical reds for years and they ALL suck after 3 weeks. Henna’s been gorgeous for six months now. I have 5 inch “roots” if you look really close, but I still have auburn. Auburn, not pink or orange. Just sayin’.
I don’t have a problem with it except -
My hair is dark, dark, dark brown. It’s hard to change the color. Temporary dyes don’t cut it. It has to be a permanent. Will henna do that?
Also, I thought henna gave your hair kind of a purplish tinge?
It’s funny, I was just thinking about how when I was, I dunno, 14? 15? I dyed my hair red with that semi-permanent stuff when I was away at nerd camp, and I called my mom, very nervously and afterward, to tell her. She just laughed and didn’t care. I was shocked! 
To think now that it seemed a little forbidden to dye my hair, after a few years of pink and a few of green - it’s just hilarious. I don’t know why I thought she’d be upset, except that back then I guess it wasn’t so common for almost everybody to dye their hair.
Probably permanent (I’ve only heard from one person that said henna washed out for her - so I wonder if she didn’t get cheated with bad henna.), but good quality henna should not make anything purple, even very dark hair. Lots of people add other things in which can affect the final color though, including indigo for blacker results or essential oils. I did have some purple streaks once from red wine and henna. My Italian friend Gina, with *black *hair, got some amazing highlights and an overall firey sheen, but it’s not so dramatic that her grandmother freaked, if you know what I mean.
Take a look at the site, especially this pageof people’s photos. A lot depends on your mix and the quality of your henna. Only use fresh, green, body-art quality leaf only henna, not the brown stemmy crap they sell in hair kits. Here’s a woman with Asian “black” hair. As you can see, she’s gotten a lot of different results with different hennas. I like the third one down the best.
Wow, the Asian woman’s hair looks beautiful. My hair is nowhere near that black. Mine is a really odd color which can’t entirely decide what it wants to be.
So where exactly do you get “fresh, green, body-art quality leaf only henna”. I am pretty sure what you get in Indian stores doesn’t even remotely measure up.
If you live in an area with a lot of Indian women, the stuff they sell in 100 gram or more boxes is probably pretty good. It’s going to have a hand on it with mehandi designs. In an Indian heavy area, turn around is probably brisk enough to ensure fresh stock.
Oh, final warning: don’t henna right before an important event. It will be a little too orangey for three days.
I don’t know about this. A remark or two, if there’s really something funny there, probably will come naturally and not need to be forced. And everyone needs to learn eventually not to take themselves too seriously. But gratuitous ridicule is more of a bludgeon than a scalpel, and teenagers tend to be especially vulnerable to it. They’ll remember how much you hurt them long after they forget the stupid hairstyle that prompted it. This is not, in the long run, a recipe for love and respect for and emulation of their parents.
My strongest reaction to the OP was that that family clearly has different intergenerational dynamics that ours. The mom simply asked how much it cost and then said it looks good. So obviously she was fine with it.
In our family, if any grandparent chose to make an issue out of it they would be told that they could keep their opinions to themselves.
I tend to be in the “hair will grow back” camp. My youngest dyed hers red at 13-ish, and my eldest (in college so certainly her own choice) mentioned the possibility of a blue streak. I really don’t care. But I’d prefer not a bright “unnatural” color, simply because I personally do not find such colors attractive.
Which gets to one way in which I differ from some of what has been said. I think the parent does have some legitimate say in their kids’ appearance, simply because the parent has to see the kid around the house, and be seen with them in public. If a parent thinks hair dye, piercings, tattoos, or even clothing look unattractive, inappropriate, or stupid, so long as the kid is living at home and the parent is paying most of his/her upkeep, I see no difficulty with the parent imposing any number of rules concerning behavior and appearance.
Of course, each parent has to judge their individual situation to weigh the costs and benefits from any such policies.
Hopefully, the parent will have encouraged the sort of family dynamics such that the kid will not “surprise” them with significant changes.
If they’re of a legal age to move out and have the option, then I can sort of see this. But the kid in the OP is 13. The “my way or the highway” isn’t a valid choice when the highway is, in fact, illegal and dangerous. It’s a power play, not an option. The kid is stuck and he knows it. Heck, the *parent *is stuck, as tossing your 13 year old out into the street will get you arrested. Again, not a good recipe for respecting your parents.
I might go so far as to say, “I don’t want to look at it; you can stay in your room with that clown hair when you’re not at school,” if I were the type to care, but “not under my roof” is almost always one of those idle threats that drive me batty.