We’ve tried several different strategies to avoid too many, or inappropriate, gifts.
With the grandparents, we composed a letter thanking them for their past generosity but suggesting that other ideas might be even better for the kids. We suggested the grandparents spend their money instead on outings with the grandkids, lessons for a favorite activity, or a memorable vacation.
We also gave them practical ideas, like shoes/clothes or needed furniture. Finally, we told them that what they gave was ultimately up to them, but if it was too much, the kids could pick 1-2 things and they had to take the rest home with them, no exceptions. 
For outside the family givers, we try to give suggestions, like art supplies. When people just give and don’t ask, we thank the person and then disappear the toy. If the toy is unneeded but otherwise fine, it goes to Goodwill. If it’s a cheap piece of crap, we pitch it. We’ve eliminated most crap toys by changing the way we celebrate the kids’ birthdays. Each can choose one friend to spend the day with instead of 10 friends at McDonald’s or whatever. Really cuts down on the crappy toys.
Mrs. Furthur
just to put in my 2 cents. You should always thank giver profusely and teach your children to act the same way. As far as a relative giving a gift that you deem inappropriate, again thank them profusely and do something else with them. Then give the ultra religious ones kids Harry Potter books or other books that they would think inappropriate, when they complain, smile sweetly and say something to the effect that since they were wanting expand your childrens knowledge your gift was in the same vein. When they freak out and say not to give anything like that to their child, agree as long as they agree to the same. But never ever tell a giver that they are in error unless they ask or bring it up themselves.
I often wonder about those kids whose parents deny them presents based on religious or moral values.
I understand they have a right to raise their child as they see fit, as long as abuse or neglect is avoided, but still…
My sister and her husband are EXTREMELY Christian, and they have told me no Harry Potter or Bionicles for their son.
Fine, says I. Except, I think my dad didn’t get that message, because on Christmas he gave both my son and my nephew Bionicles as part of their presents.
The two boys promptly went in the other room and put them together. My nephew had a blast with his, not only because of the gift, but I think also because he got the same present as Big Cousin Ivyboy (my son is about nine years older) and Big Cousin Ivyboy helped him put it together.
Cheap stuff? Crappy toys?
What ever happened to “It’s the thought that counts”?
I am so glad I wasn’t raised by a few of the parents here!
What’s wrong with Bionicles, ivylass? That just seems weird.
I have an aunt and uncle who are horrible gift-givers. They’ve always given me odd, ill-fitting clothing or strange knick-knacks. But we were never allowed to express that the gifts were less than desirable and I always wrote them thank-you notes. Which is as it should have been. No one owes your kid a present. It sounds cheesy, but learning how do deal graciously with disappointing gifts builds character.
That comes later. We will encourage him to thank gift-givers no matter what, as we do now on his behalf. He is only three. We always thank them graciously, and never lose sight of the ‘thought’ behind the presents. Neither do we let our son see that we are not exactly overjoyed at the gift, as he is getting to the age where he might let slip something indiscreet in the presence of the givers.
My dilemma was (a) what to do with unsuitable gifts, so cheap that they are dangerous; and (b) what we consider ‘unethical’ items. The answers to (a) were straightforward - always thank, but get rid of discreetly later. The answers to (b) were more complex, but it would take a really extreme gift to make me express anything but gratitude to the giver.