If you had/have a son or daughter who was just utterly obsessed with some game, or celebrity, or music band/book/TV show, etc. would you try to take measures to curb it (knowing also that parental intervention often backfires) and how would you do it? Or maybe take a “This too shall pass” approach?
(more about IMHO than Cafe)
Well, if the material really sucks that bad, give her a better game/book/album and the “problem” will solve itself.
Depends on what, and how much. I mean, if they love a boy band (ie BTS), meh. Let them listen to it and talk about it and they’ll get over it at some point, or it’ll at least fade back to a normal level. We all did that.
If it’s something that’s consuming them, then sure, maybe you need to set limits. Yes, it can backfire. If you tell your kid that they have to stop watching a certain TV show, they’ll watch it on their phone or tablet or at a friend’s house. But if you tell them they can’t turn on TV until they finish their homework/chores or after dinner and it gets turned off by a certain time, they’ll be more likely to oblige. At least in my experience (both as the kid and now as a parent).
Naturally, however, what works for one family won’t work for another.
ETA, to answer the question more generally. I probably wouldn’t curb an obsession that my kid had, so long as it wasn’t detrimental to school, health, safety etc. Like I said, most of us have been there at some point in our lives.
Wouldn’t the age matter a whole lot?
Like, a five-year-old who talks about nothing but Batman would concern me a lot less than 15-year-old who is the same way.
I’m not a parent, but I think I’d only be concerned if I felt like the obsession was getting in the way of normal functioning. A fifteen-year-old who is able to keep up with grades, chores, and relationships but just can’t go a day without mentioning their favorite k-pop band is obsessed in a very different way than a fifteen-year-old who won’t leave their bedroom because they only want to be immersed in k-pop fandom 24/7.
The only real answer is “it depends.” My daughter listened to Hamilton non-stop for about six months. Extremely annoying, but it didn’t ruin her life. Also she’s obsessed with the idea of opening a doggy daycare when she is an adult. The owners of such institutions are no doubt fine people, but I’m hoping she develops a different ambition at some point. For now, it’s essentially meaningless.
“It was a shitbox.”
I’m admittedly not a parent, but personally I’d likely only do it if they were centering their identity around it. I’m wary of the way corporations attempt to insidiously make certain brands part of your core identity, so you’ll defend and advertise their product for them, and buy their merchandise without question or regard for quality. Of course this is a really fine balance, obviously this idea taken too far robs people of the ability to like things entirely in our current society, but there’s a level between “really likes Star Wars and will buy figures and watch every new movie/series” and “Star Wars devotee and will fight you about it because they view criticism of Star Wars as criticism of them on some level, or changes to the series direction as a betrayal of their trust on the part of the creators.”
Unless they insist on you joining in on loud conversations with their imaginary celebrity friends, I wouldn’t pay much attention to it.
Seems kind of mean spirited to be contemplating the destruction of someone’s passion or joy. Seems better to encourage it to grow and be flexible. Most important thing I would imagine is if one is a cynical or jaded person, to keep oneself far away so as to not be a corruptive influence. Instead I would seek out some people who have managed to sustain joy and passion through their adulthood while being able to provide for themselves and arrange a mentorship, preferably in the child’s area of interest. Last thing the world needs is more drones.
Well played.
Oh, God, did EVERYONE’s daughter in the whole world do that? Because it sure seemed like that from here. And they’re not even our Founding Fathers!
We had to set ‘Hamilton’ limits simply because it was bugging the everliving shit out of our son (apparently boys are immune? or something?). Actually, sometimes they set the limits themselves. One time they made a deal where he let them braid his hair, and in return no Hamilton for a week.
So … if it’s craptastically annoying someone, that’s a good reason for limiting an obsession. Only good one I’ve personally seen so far.
nm
Yes, it’s okay to set limits. As in, “we’ve already listened to the entire album one and a half times. I would like to listen to something I choose for the rest of this long car trip.” NEVER allowing Hamilton (or whatever) seems a little childish in itself.
Gawd, I thought the lil’wrekker would never get tired of Miley/Hannah Montana. Drove us batty. She moved on to other obsessions. One by one they dropped away.
No one is more football (razorbacks, whoo pig!) crazy than Son-of-a-wrek. Alas, I think it’s permanent.
Well… I have an 18 year old daughter, and… what is Hamilton? Serious question.
To answer the OP’s question - no. I grew up learning that I better not let on what I liked because if my parents knew they’d try to separate me from it somehow. I believe that they were doing it from a place of love, trying to “improve me,” but it was not a nice way to live - I still have trouble telling folks how I feel about things.
No, but I have a hard time not rolling my eyes when my adult daughter keeps going on about anime.
just let it pass because 3 things will happen
1 they’ll double down on the interest even more to the point of extreme obnoxiousness
2 throw fits and tantrums you’d not believe and make things unpleasant
3 they’ll sneak around and get devious and do it anyways
A quick search led me to realize I’d never seen Best in Show, although I loved all the other similar mockumenteries. Now I’ve seen it. And yes, well played indeed.