I’m not the sort of parent that insists on being called “ma’am” or having my kids make their beds every day, but I think I’m more inclined to the strict side. I don’t allow them to curse in front of me, they do chores and have something of a schedule, I check their homework, they are not allowed sleepovers with families I don’t know, etc. The one who walks home from the bus stop has to call me at work every day when she arrives home. They also have limits on video games and computer time.
They’re pretty good kids for the most part…we don’t have a particular method of punishment. I generally try to come up with something that fits the crime. The last incident was when my son bought a video game at school from another kid, using money I had sent to school for him to give to his teacher. He had to give some of his own money to the teacher, some to me, and we had a talk about what he had done. I also confiscated the game for a short time. (Speaking of which, I think it’s time to give it back!)
So tell me: strict or permissive? Method of punishment? And how old are your kids? (Mine are 9 and 14.)
Oh, and by the way, I don’t let them watch movies inappropriate to their development, I don’t put hot sauce on their tongues when they curse, and I wouldn’t buy them porn. Although if I found any, I’d probably just stick it back under the mattress.
(bolding mine)
I feel the same way. Each kid is different when it comes to development. You can have three kids in the same family who will be “ready” to watch a particular film at different ages (or sometimes not at all!). It depends on the kid.
My son was never one to lose sleep over images on a screen. He was extremely bright and perceptive. He didn’t cover his eyes, run screaming from the room, or turn into an axe murderer. And he has great taste in films as an adult.
I think I fall on the same place on the strictness scale as Dung Beetle. The kids don’t really have much in the way of chores, though they’re supposed to clear their plates, keep their room neat, and keep the parakeets happy. I think I have the reputation with them for being strict, though I’m not hugely more strict than the other parents I know. I don’t really know any of those hyper-permissive parents who are often decried around here.
My mother thinks I’m too permissive. For one thing, I have an agreement with the girlchild that if she brings her grades up to a certain point, she can do absolutely anything she wants to with her hair. I am also allowing her to (gasp!) choose her own elective classes at school next year. Mom thinks I ought to force her into Chorus because I “know” she’d enjoy it.
We set limits and stick to the limits, but I’m all for letting kids explore their boundaries, like wearing what they want (within limits). The little Gases are 7 & 10. We set bedtime, have some basic chores, require homework to be done before there can be TV or computer games, enforce manners (table manners, thank-you notes, etc.). But don’t try to dictate every aspect of their lives. I want them to learn how to make decisions.
In my head I was a strict but fair parent. I always felt (and still do) that my kids were really good kids and never needed much discipline.
Now that they’re older, they tell me that I"m a total marshmallow and that I never said no to anything and let them do whatever they want.
Maybe part of that was that I honestly don’t care what they wear, how they style their hair, and some of those other control issues that seem to trip so many parents up.
I’m not really sure - you’d probably have to ask my son.
Seriously - I let him wear his hair as long as he wants - it’s about five inches below his shoulders right now - and it isn’t hurting anything. His room is his own - within limits. He’s expected to call if and when a plan changes, he’s expected to be honest, not lie, etc.
He’s always had - and I raised him the majority of the time myself - consequences to his actions - he’s been punished, he’s been grounded, he still gets himself in trouble now mainly with his attitude (teenager - what can I say) and he sometimes thinks I’m the world’s biggest bitch. I’m also his favorite person (adult) to talk to, we have a ton of respect for each other and we have a good time hanging out together. So I guess I must have done something right.
He turned out as a straight A student - doing phenomenally well in Track (it’s his first year and he is kicking butt) and his current goal in life is to join the Navy, go to college and work for the FBI.
I guess I can’t say what kind of parent I am - I’m just doing my best.
Well, I just made the kids get their haircut, does that make me strict?
They have chores to do, we insist that they clean their room and get good grades in school. They know how to wash the clothes, iron, and cook from scratch. They know how to operate a vacuum cleaner, a mop, and a dishwasher.
People have told us how polite they are, and adults enjoy talking to my 16 year old son because he can converse on an adult level without a bunch of “dudes” and “yaknows.” They can order politely from a menu, and they thank the waitress who refills their drink.
We allow them to try out for different extracurricular activities at school, but we don’t allow them to quit because it’s “hard” or because “it’s not fun.” You signed up, you’re in for the duration. You don’t have to do it next year, but you do have to finish what you started.
We hope we’re turning out good replacements for Ivylad and myself. My father once said with kids, you give them roots and then you give them wings. That’s what we’re trying to do.
I think I’m quite permissive, but my kids complain that I’m too strict. I guess it’s all a matter of perspective.
The kids are 16 and 17, so I don’t control anything about their clothing or hair or much about their daily activities. I just want to know where they are most of the time, and that they’re keeping up with their responsibilities - primarily school. The saying that I have repeated to them time and time again is, “With freedom comes responsibility.” I give them as much freedom as they prove they can handle; if bad things start happening, such as grades dropping, I have to take some of it away again, such as our current enforced study period for my son, who brought home a miserable report card.
They don’t like the curfew or having to check in with me to let me know where they are, but I don’t restrict movies, television or reading material in any way at this point. I did try to keep things reasonably age-appropriate when they were younger, but I don’t think they’re going to see or hear anything at a movie now that they haven’t already at least heard about on the school bus.
As for chores, they are supposed to have certain duties at home, but about 50% of the time they sneak away before I can remind them to do stuff. It catches up with them eventually though, when they have to spend Sunday at home cleaning.
Pretty lenient, but I have a thing about hair. Long, short–OK. Blue, orange, crimson, mohawked, spiked–it’s coming off.
My son has always been, well, easy to ‘parent.’ I do emphasize homework, and I don’t let him wait until the last minute to do it, but most everything else is pretty laid back.
Funny, the only thing I need to do to motivate him is to threaten not to take him to the library or Barnes and Noble. He devours books, and the fear of not having a novel available at all times is all I need to get the carpet vacuumed or the bedroom straightened up.
I have little kids–5 and 3–so no hair or elective issues. But I think I’m pretty strict. I mean, I make them behave in public, they have a very firm bedtime, that kind of thing. Not much TV; the little one would sit there all day if she could. They have chores, as far as little kids can.
I figure it’s just hair, it’s temporary…and most importantly, it gives me some leverage with the girl child. I’ve tried to make deals with her before, but there just aren’t many things she cares about enough to be willing to work for. Rotten kid.
