I know the following things are none of my business but still, it makes me want to either puke or :rolleyes: x’s infinity:
So I have a buddy who is married. His wife has layed out some rules for him. These are what they are:
1.) If allowed to go out at all, on a boys night out; he is only allowed to go out with other married men. :rolleyes:
2.) She’s allowed to go out with whoever she wants. Reason being: It’s ok for HER to go out because HE knows SHE can be trusted. With him, she’s is not so sure. :rolleyes: (FTR, I’ve known this guy since Jr. High. Not once has he ever cheated or even come close to cheating on a SO.
3.) No R rated movies that have nudity in them. (This goes with out saying no porn)
#3 really irks me because I can remember once we were all at a pub having a good time (wives and husbands) When some one who we didn’t know was having a Birthday party. One of their freinds in their group had got the Honoree a striper. A stripper, I might add, that only stips down to her bra and panties.
Pussy Whipped husband had to leave the bar untill the show was over! Jeez! How embarrassing for him.
Part II
I was in Blockbuster the other day strolling through the movies. I could over hear this lady with her kid. The kid asks if he could get a “Harry Potter” movie. To whcih the mother said “NO! That’s not a movie good Christian children whatch.” Again :rolleyes:
Your buddy’s wife is messed up. That’s just so wrong on so many levels.
A friend’s parents have told her that she’s nothing until she’s married, so the pressure is on to find Mr. Right. The problem is that, as hard as it is to find the right person for you, it’s infinitely harder when your parents have listed all the things they require in the man you marry. I suppose that they’re the kinds of things you would hope for your child anyway – stable, never married, no kids, ready to start a life with you, professional, money – but these parents mean it.
She’s even asked if she could marry a widower (in case the prohibition simply was on ugly ex-wife issues). The answer was no. None of that is my business, but it’s so hard to listen to her, because on the one hand she recognizes that they’re certifiably nuts, but on the other hand, they’re her parents and she wants to please them.
You know, marriages are funny. The reason it is none of your business is that you really don’t know what else is going on there. I mean, he’s staying for some reason. Maybe her jealously makes him feel loved. Maybe he’s got all sorts of “rules” for her that you don’t know about. Maybe she gives head like nothing and no one else on this earth and he’d put up with worse to get it. Certainly, learn from the example she sets and avoid women like that if you KNOW it would drive you insane (as it would me–I would certainly never want to be in such a relationship). If he’s miserable, bitch away. But if he seems happy, don’t assume he must actually be miserable just because you (or I) would be.
I mean, there’s weird stuff in my marriage: for example, my husband is like the anti-romantic–he’s NEVER said he loved me, never gotten me flowers or candy, never acknowledged Valentine’s day or an anniversary in any way. I am sure that some of my girlfriends who are close enough to realize some of this have thought it was weird, or that it is something that would really, really bother them. But I hope to god it’s never caused anyone to pity me or think my husband’s an asshole, 'cause he’s not, he’s great. He treats me EXACTLY like I want to be treated. And his non-romanticism suits me just fine–it’s not something I really want and it simplifies that whole area of my life.
I know a couple in their mid-twenties who have been together for many years, who spend most nights togther, but who won’t live together…because their parents are kind of conservative and would disapprove. That’s the only thing holding them apart. They found their current roommates off craigslist or something, because they’re both far from home. So they choose to live with strangers and spend half their lives commuting to see each other instead of saying, “Look, Mom and Dad…we’re supporting ourselves now, and we’re adults, and we’re committed to each other, and it’ll save us on pricey rent, so we’re moving in together.”
Sheesh, lots of people have conservative parents, including me, and at some point in your life, you’re going to upset them. Freaking get it over with. Have that discussion sooner rather than later. Quit hiding–or pretending to hide. I’m sure your parents think you never spend the night together…yeah, right. Even though it’s none of my business…grrrr.
But see? No, I’m NOT. I’m EXTREMELY high maintenance. That’s the point. There are all kinds of other demands, emotional and tangible, that I make on my husband. Many of them are not visible to the people who notice when I just nod and smile and don’t contribute when people are comparing Valentine’s loot, or hopelessly Romantic gestures, or telling wedding stories (courthouse). So if they are making smug little assumptions that he treats me like crap and doesn’t appriciate me, they are incorrect. What looks horribly unfair to them is really not unfair at all when you know the whole picture.
We’re married to the same guy. I don’t get “I love you” either. I get, “I’m crazy aboutchya babe.” In small doses. He’s logical and I’m emotional and we meet somewhere in the middle. It looks horrible to outsiders, I’m sure. But it works for us.
I really hated watching my friend marry a venomous bitch. He was in the army reserves and had to watch his weight. Well, when he finally left the army, it was due to the tightening of the weight requirements as part of the downsizing push. Once he was out, his weight ballooned up. Since then, every time he has tried to lose weight, she deliberately sets out to sabotage his efforts. She cooks all his favorite foods in huge quantities and buys things like chocolate cake knowing that he can’t resist. And she barely even tries to hide that it’s an attempt to thwart his weight loss. Our mutual friends have done a lot of theorizing about why she does this, (Afraid of losing him if he gets more attractive, she doesn’t want to be “the ugly one” in the family, it’s easier to keep him fat than for her to lose weight, etc…) but none of us say anything to them about it since it’s not our business.
Manda JO’s right, SHAKES. You can’t live your friend’s life for him. You can only do what we do w/r/t my friend Matt and his wife – talk about how horrible their relationship is behind their backs and hope they get divorced soon.
Maybe they agree with their parents, and don’t want to live together. Mr. Neville and I spent almost every weekend together before we were married, but we didn’t live together, and that was our choice (not our parents’, though I’m sure they approved). I got some funny looks and nosy questions from a lot of people our age when I said I was getting married and that we hadn’t lived together- maybe they are using their parents as an excuse so that people will stop bothering them about it.
Mr. Neville can look at all the porn he wants to, but I don’t want to know about it if he does. I make no effort to find out if he is. Either he doesn’t, or he’s doing a good job of making sure I don’t know (not hard- I’m generally pretty oblivious to anything unless I’m told about it).
I’d be pretty skeeved out if I were out at a pub or restaurant and a stripper turned up, even if the stripper only stripped down to underwear. I’d definitely tell Mr. Neville I was very uncomfortable, and say I’d really like to leave. Did the wife leave as well during the stripper’s act? Maybe she is uncomfortable with that sort of thing, too.
I definitely agree that she needs to learn to trust him a little more, though, unless there’s some incident in the past that you don’t know about.
Maybe you’re right about him, but she’s expressed her desire to live with him to me more than once. My husband and I didn’t live together before marriage (with the exception of one summer, and we had separate bedrooms), but that’s because I wanted to live in a dorm while in college, and after that I wanted a year of living alone (for the first and maybe last time). Plus, we had tons of friends in the area, and he had a roommate, and it all worked out for us to live apart. Also, we had marriage plans in the works, so it gave us something concrete to look forward to.
Anyway, my larger point was this: If you’re in your mid-twenties and are still making major life decisions based on your parents’ values, even though they don’t intersect with yours, you’re getting a major :rolleyes: from me. Been there, done that, had difficult times and better times, but my parents love me for who I am. To thine own self be true.
I knew a girl in high school whose parents refused to pay for college unless she got into Stanford or UC Berkeley. Lucky for her, she got into Berkeley. I think it’s really shitty to do that to your child, but hey, it’s not my money or my business. Still, WTF?
My neice is practically a prisoner in her own house because of her own parent’s behavior. They give her so many toys she has nowhere to put them all, and then they make her clean her room ALL THE TIME. How can she clean her room when she has so many toys they take up most of the storage and floor space? Talk about setting someone up for failure. Not only that, but she’s very often forced to stay in the same gated area as her 1 year old brother, which means she can’t really be rambunctious, or even go get her toys or do anything without permission. Plus, she is forced to “share” everything with the one year old. The whole scene really makes me grit my teeth. She’s four years old! She needs to run around and be creative and have her own possessions and not be forced to play with a one year old all the time. But what can you do? My brother and his wife would be very offended at any criticism of their parental techniques, and they’re not my kids, so I really have no say in the matter.
I knew a guy in college who was just…unbelievably sheltered. He was the most gullible person I have ever met. Some guys in our dorm once convinced him that men menstruated. Stuff like that. (BTW, almost everyone in the dorm was a freshman, and he was a senior. We all wondered if he’d been paying attention at all the first three years of college.)
Anyway, he insisted he’d only marry a Taiwanese virgin. (He was Taiwanese-American.) We used to make up these stupid hypothetical situations like, “Okay. What if you met the perfect girl, and she’s Taiwanese, and you just LOVE her…but she’s not a virgin?” And he’d say “Nope. Wouldn’t marry her.” If she was from mainland China? Nope, wouldn’t marry her. He’d say that he was staying a virgin for her, so she ought to do the same thing for him. Ooookay. Rollseyes all around.
Most of us were actually convinced that he was gay and this was his way of avoiding showing interest in women.
No, she didn’t leave. She, as a matter of fact, was smilling and laughing the whole time it was going on. She made her husband leave and wait outside the bar. in the cold I might add. (Assuming your talking about my OP in particular.)
That’s kind of how I am with my wife. She knew this early on when I wrote her this song*
A section of the lyric says
“Sometimes I wish that phrase would go away
It’s the thing that I can’t bring myself to say to you
But after you’re asleep I can whisper in your ear
I love you.”
She might want me to be more romantic at times, but we work quite well together. Plus, the times I do get all mushy-lovey romantical are all that much more special to her.
*mp3 file - 4 mb (warning, kind of a clunky old recording)
Anyway, I see a lot of these “whipped” husbands, who’s wives will supposedly never let them go out with the guys, or do anything fun. And what I find, at least half the time, is that these guys are using their wives as excuses. They don’t really want to go out with the guys, but they’re afraid to say so in fear they will be ridiculed. So they say their wives won’t let them go out.
Parents who turn their kids into picky eaters. I’m not talking about naturally timid kids or those who sincerely don’t like stuff, but parents who never let them try anything they show an interest in because “that’s too spicy” or “you won’t like that” or “kids don’t eat Chinese food.” Excuse me? What do Chinese kids eat?
Not my problem, none of my business, but it makes me want to throw things.
