Part 2 of If LOTR had been written by the Teeming Millions

[FairyDust]

Inspired obviously by this thread. I thought it would be fun to try some more. Here goes:

*Pippin stares at the tall glass of sarsaparilla Merry is drinking.

Pippin: What’s that?

Merry: This, my friend, is a pint.

Pippin: It comes in pints? I’m getting me one!

Merry: Get another one for me, too, will you? Wow!!! What a rush!!! (takes another sip)* – by Wyatt

[jeanster]

I am not angry or anything, I just think that I need to go away on a very, very long holiday. So I am unjoining the Shire tomorrow, I don’t care to have my things deleted.
I hope that you all have a good time here, I know that I will, too. Bye Byexoxoxoxoxox BILBO puts on ring and becomes invisible

• if LotR had been written by Ladyrose, bless her heart.

[FairyDust]

Aragorn: If, by my life or death, I can protect you, I will.
You have my sword!
Legolas: And you have my bow.
Gimli: And my axe!
Boromir: Excuse me, but why do you suddenly look purple?
Sam: 'Ere! Mr. Frodo’s not looking quite himself either!
Elrond: No, indeed. It seems we have all become purple. How strange.
Pippin: Hey! We’re purple too.
Merry: How did this happen?
Pippin: Anyway, you need purple people of intelligence on this sort of mission… quest… thing.
Merry: Well, that rules you out, Pip!
Elrond: Nine purple companions. So be it.
You shall be The Purple Fellowship of the Purple Ring.
Pippin: Right! Where are we going?

this Council has been Graped by The Grapist!

[LookitMe]

Gimli: See, I just doubt the magnitude of this alleged “problem”. What sort of Dark Lord creates a ring that’s allegedly so strong that not even my hammer can crush it?

I want proof that the only way to destroy the ring is to throw it back into the fire of Mordor itself before I take this argument seriously.

Gimli swings at the ring with his hammer. WHAM! They are all amazed to see the ring is unharmed.

Gimli: Hmpf. Still doesn’t prove anything. How do we know there isn’t some other way to destroy it without having to take it all the way to Mordor?

• if LotR had been written by RexDart, bless his soul.

[FairyDust]

Recommend a way to rid my Hobbit feet of unsightly hair

[Tim_R.Mortiss]

Aragorn: You have my sword.
Legolas: And my bow.
Gimli: And my axe… er, ah, that is, what’s left of it after it was shattered into a million smithereens when I tried to destroy the ring with it… okay, you have my BEARD, yeah, that’s the ticket…

[iampunha]

::wonders how many people will register for the sole purpose of posting to this thread::

The last one got, er, several;)

[Max_Carnage]

LOTR by Thaidog

Why do I have to be one with the getting the Ring? I’m not having the Ring to be invisible!!! My uncle, he’s old and he didn’t want the Ring but I guess I’m to have it.

I’m gonna go all Elrond Matrix style on the skinny wizzum wazzum big eye guy if he’s trying make off with the Ring. Who does he think he is? Is he good, is he bad? It’s like a mixed up crazy man Jack Nicholson!

Anybody else want a Ring?
Have a nice day.