Partner dancing - a social minefield.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
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I dance Argentinian Tango. I completely and utterly love it. I love the music, the drama, the style, the opportunity for self-expression etc.

However, I sometimes find the social aspect of dancing in couples difficult. For a long time I avoided any dance that required a partner, even though I love dancing. I think a lot of Dopers might recognise my woes. Being socially awkward and shy, and not being one of the cool kids at school had me convinced I would be the one left standing after everyone else was coupled up. After someone dragged me to a Salsa night I discovered that in the world of adults, people (generally) do their best to be inclusive so that everyone dances with everyone else.

Fine, so I got over it to the extent that I decided to get involved in the Tango scene, Tango being more my thing than Salsa. However, at times I still find myself struggling. For example, having recently moved country, I’ve just started dancing with a new partner for a course of lessons. Both the new partner and the teacher said I was “good”, but I can’t help overanalysing it. Are they being polite? Are they feeling sorry for me? I know I should just take the compliment at face value but I can’t help second guessing any positive comments. I mean, I really don’t mind looking like a complete idiot myself, but the problem with couple dancing is that one bad partner will drag the level down for both people, so in my head I always hear the partner thinking: “I wish there was a polite way to get rid of this clutz who is making me look stupid”.

Now I’ve made it seems as if the whole Tango experience is fraught with worries and doubts and that isn’t true. Most of the time I just enjoy myself otherwise I would stop. I just needed to vent a little and if any other Doper who dances with a partner (not just Tango but Salsa, Ballroom, Lindy Hop etc.) wants to share their experiences of dancing with new partners and strangers then I would be most interested.

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Hey Pookah -
I have been doing various social dances (ballroom, salsa, WC & EC swing, nightclub 2-step)for about 10 years, which is not to say I’m at anything resembling an expert level - more of a jack of all trades/master of none.

The weirdest thing for me about partner dancing is how we get to learn about people, pretty much the exact opposite of what we do in any other aspect of life. Normally, we meet someone and talk and learn about them for days/weeks/months - and them we might touch them, in a very non-intimate way to begin with, usually.
Versus partner dancing, which is the proverbial ice bath for the socially weird:
“Hi there! I’ve never met you and I don’t know anything about you at all, even if you’ve bathed today! Let me put my hands, nay, my whole body all over yours!”

It is pretty weird. Of all the friends I’ve made through dance, I think I might know about 10% of their last names, where they live, or any other personal info about them. On the other hand, I know almost everything there is to know about several of the folks I work with, and wouldn’t ever consider touching them.

On the other hand it’s kind of liberating - I don’t need to talk politics or child-rearing or any other typically mind-numbing topics with them. We just dance and everyone is polite and gracious! Just like in the movies, yeahh…:wink:

I definitely struggled (and still do) with “learning” new partners, and I think that taking group lessons where we rotate partners actually helps a lot, just by taking the newness off of switching. I think it also helps remind me that “We all begin at the beginning” and everyone progresses at a different level.

If you’re feeling like you’re weighing your partner down, do you feel comfortable asking him/her how they think you’re doing? Are you expected to be at equal levels?

This website http://www.danceambassador.com/Articles.html has lots of interesting articles that I recommend to anyone who dances - there are a lot of social behaviors or “Rules” (especially in ballroom) that I think really make it easier for everyone just by leveling the field a bit. I don’t know why more instructors don’t distribute this stuff at classes.

I don’t know if any of what I have been blathering on about would be of any help to you but it’s nice to know there are other partner dancers here on the Dope!
For the record, bravo on you for taking on Argentine…I love to watch it but I’m terrified to learn it. :slight_smile:

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That site’s excellent! Thanks so much!

And yes, it is funny how physical we get with complete strangers and Argentine Tango is one of the closest dances of them all. Funnily enough, I’ve never had any issues with the physical intimacy side. I think that Tango is just way too much hard work to learn just for the purpose of groping someone, so I pretty much trust that the other person just wants to dance.

Oh and I think rotating partners is a great idea. As you say, it takes the newness of switching and I think it is also beneficial to your dancing skills. Plus if someone is a total disaster, you only have to dance with them for a short time and if you feel you might be the total disaster then you won’t be disturbing the other person for a long time either. Less self-consciousness all round. We did it that way in my previous class, but where I am living now staying with the same partner is the norm. Mind you, I am actually quite lucky to have nabbed a partner being woman, as men are usually in short supply.