I once was at a seminar conducted by an ex-FBI agent on workplace violence.
Somebody brought up a scenario of an employee who wouldn’t speak to his boss. FBI guy said “That is aggression. Passive aggression is aggression.”
Now, of course, this made sense. So, I had an employee who was quite childish, years back, He wouldn’t answer a question because he was sulking, and he wouldn’t speak, even when it was needed for the job. OK, I couldn’t bitch slap him because he was a giant, with huge muscles. I was smart enough to know that I couldn’t get him fired without proof of the PA being aggression, which would lead to danger in the future, so I just went along with his childishness. Later, a situation arose in which I pissed him off and I thought he was going to rearrange my stunning good looks into something less so, but, he finally just stormed off screaming, and quit.
So, point being: I need some info that I could take to HR to indicate that PA is the beginning of violence. To tell HR “Passive Aggression is aggression”, one can see, would be useless because they don’t want to hear logic, definitions, words. They want something to justify their response, or they will not respond the way you want.
In short, I need proof that PA is an act of violence, or is likely a precursor to violence.
Can anybody help me?
Aggression doesn’t necessarily mean physical aggression. Passive aggression is so common I doubt you you’ll find a link between passive aggression and physical aggression. My own observation is that passive aggression is more often used by the physically weaker party in a confrontation.
Everything in your OP sounds more like a matter of physical intimidation, and you might find some information that there is a link between intimidation and physical aggression.
So. If I don’t talk to someone who is higher than me in the food chain, then the F.B.I. is going to want a word with me. That makes me a dangerous menace now?
Instead of focusing on physical aggression, I’d look at the concept of a “hostile work environment”.
Physical aggression or violence is instantly actionable. People get fired, get sued, and get arrested the moment they cross the line into physical violence. That’s why passive aggression is used so much more frequently. It’s harder to put your finger on, and when you explain it to someone else, you can end up feeling like an idiot or a whiner.
What I recommend is approaching it like the offender is a space alien. Assume they know absolutely nothing about acceptable human interaction and explain it to them in plain terms.
“Bobo, when you refuse to reply to me, I can’t tell if you understand what I’ve said. This makes it difficult for me to meet my work obligations. If you do not understand something, you need to let me know. Otherwise, I’ll have to assume that you’re refusing to communicate with me. I’ll document that refusal and inform my supervisor.”
Learn that phrase and play it like a broken record. Then, follow through.
It’s a pain. It’s a hassle. But, it’s the one thing that will give your supervisor and HR the heads up that this is going on and give them the ammunition to fix it. And if they refuse to do anything about it and you suffer, you can say the magic phrase “hostile work environment”.
Actually, I think passive aggression is often used in place of physical aggression - I used to know a couple where at the beginning of the relationship the man got (very) physical with the woman - she threatened to break up with him unless he got counseling to control his anger.
Ok, so he does that. After that when he was pissed off at her instead of punching her in the face, he would drink so much that he threw up on her dog/passed out in a shrubbery/shit in the closet thinking it was the toilet/etc. It was predictable and sad - she would be nasty as shit, emasculate him, tell him he was a worthless shit with a crappy job, a small-limp dick and she never should have married him, and rather than slapping her around he would puke on her dog.
So, yah - your hypothesis doesn’t always follow. That being said, in a workplace situation, behaving like a child should certainly be grounds for getting written up - no ‘potential threat of violence’ required.
In general, what others have said. Passive-aggressive behavior is used when someone feels they don’t have the power (through fair means or foul) to get their way.
I will say that if you find an adult who consistently uses passive-aggression, you’re most likely dealing with someone hooked into the Drama Triangle - such a person could become violent and possibly the FBI agent was drawing on his experience of seeing people go from victim(passive-aggressive) to Persecutor (aggressive). The way to avoid this is to understand how to to divert the transaction, which starts with not playing in to it.
Violence is definitely not a given, despite what the speaker said. The best way to deal with this is to hold someone to the requirements of their job without violence or bullying. You say that you couldn’t “bitch-slap” him, but that’s a losing way of dealing with a problem employee anyway. If you are having problems with his behavior or attitude and you can’t find a way to improve it, get help from your HR people.