Please add to this from other ongoing threads, including settings, characters, and situations from them.
After the investigation by the Chillicothe Police, Sominod closed up the pizza place for the night. As he turned to go, and heard the town clock strike one, he glanced at something on the sidewalk 30 feet away and was smitted with severe fright. He saw…
Christmas at Chernobyl! There they were, in full glowing color,surrounded by adoring pink flamingos, the Plastic Nativity Guys! With Optional Blinking Jesus! And in true Chernobyl fashion, festooned with icicle lights.
It would seem, however, that a couple of the Atomic Shephards had a bit too much holiday joy, and had fallen on their faces with glee.
Turning his face away in horror at the garish spectacle, Sominod spotted something on the ground. Why, it was the keys to a brand new car. What to do now?
The 'ludes were wearing off now and his sight was returning to normal. He bent over and looked at the keys he had seen on the ground.
Indeed they were keys, but not to a car as he had suspected earlier. Instead of a paper tag (which is why he thought these keys belonged to a new car) there was a handwritten note attached to the key ring.
Although it was smudged and the writing was practically scribbled on, Sominod was able to read what was written.
It said,
“Dear stranger…”
"Dear stranger…"
“…take this key ring to the northeast corner of Figueroa and 9th streets in Los Angeles. Stick the brass key with the skeleton-key shank into the large oval hole 4 feet up on the lamppost near the corner. (It’s OK, it’s not connected to the lamp wiring.) Thrust the key into the hole 3 times and give it a half-turn clockwise. Wait 30 seconds, make sure you’re not carrying anything that sticks out more than 6 inches outward, and watch your feet.”
Sominod complied and then he…
…saw a little light on the lamp post reading “Scroll Lock” go on.
It didn’t seem to produce any results.
Then, however, the busty Sally Mears happened to pass and saw the message. She noted that Sominod was frustrated at “Scroll Lock”; she scoffed and explained, “Oh, that happens all the time.” She lightly tapped the message screen on the lamppost [!!] five times with a knuckle, and the message said, “Contact accepted.” The message screen blinked off and the circle of pavement Sominod was standing on slowly lowered, a la Get Smart. Sally kissed Sominod and swiveled away. Below street level Sominiod encountered…
(Admit it Dougie, you love me.)
…a bored-looking dodo that stared approximately in Sonimod’s direction. Graffiti on the wall proclaimed “Osmondi, Noodism and Nismodo were here” and “Lilith does it with goats”. Sonimod looked at the dodo, then realized it was actually looking behind him, over his shoulder. Behind him, in 24-point Bookman bold italic, read the following list:
104% of the world’s population is named “Wendy”.
There are no references to apples in any of the world’s literature before 1981.
Roy Rogers’ horse Trigger was foretold by Nostradamus.
It is illegal to climb a tree in Kansas.
No American president has had exactly ten toes.
John Gotti had Julius Caesar killed.
Former British Prime Minister John Major was based on Rocky the Flying Squirrel.
It takes six American Mallard ducks to fill the Grand Canyon. It takes pi chipmunks.
The state song of Mississippi is Alice Cooper’s “School’s Out”.
Abraham Lincoln invented the wheelbarrow.
Beer and diamonds are chemically identical.
…
Sominod laughed at this list and was joined by Sally Mears, dougie_monty and Regis Philbin. Regis was holding wads and wads of money; dougie was chatting with a customer on a cell phone; and Sally was stark naked. Sominod’s reaction was obvious and instantaneous. And when Sally approached Sominod a second time and locked him in a passionate embrace, he…