Our Pastor (We’ll call him Pastor G for short) at the Lutheran church we attend, and also send one of our children to, has up and resigned, a week before the Christmas holiday. Very strange. The announcement was made after the services on Sunday and Monday evening. We heard some blurbs Monday morning when we dropped off the youngest for kindergarten and heard the actual letter (written by Pastor G) recited by the Chairman of the congregation after the Monday evening service which we attended.
The short of the letter is that he regrets to inform the members of the congragation that he has failed to live up to the scriptural teachings and has sinned against God and his fellow man.
It was maybe a two pragraph letter, very brief and somber.
Some members of the congragation were in tears and this hurt my wife very much since he was her first religious authority, way back 25 years ago, at this same church. He is one of the reasons we attend and are sending our children to this school. He’s always been a very strong man, an intelligent, jovial, and confident person. In short, he’s been someone that most people would have no trouble admiring.
The nature of the sin is not mentioned, but he does ask for our forgiveness :dubious:
Normally, and this is what I’m having trouble with, in order to seek forgiveness the nature of the sin must be adressed, no? Or can we blindly forgive someone, which I’m somewhat willing to do, and leave the matter between the parties affected. Trouble is, now it’s going to affect the whole ocngragation since he’s no longer there. His wife is very integrated into the whole school/church. She teaches and does tons of volunteer work for the church and several groups therein. As did he.
Now, I don’t really want to know the nature of his sin, but if the details aren’t released there will just be wild speculation and rumors, even if they aren’t public they will be swimming around in peoples’ heads. Just human nature is all.
And back to the forgiveness thing, will we be able to forgive a person for a certain sin even if we don’t know what the sin is? I intend to give the man all the support he needs, if it comes to that, but how do you go about that under these circumstances?
I would lilke to send him a letter of support to let him know that he is human and, like all of us, he is capable of sin and can recover from this with our support.
What can I put in the letter at this point? And how do I approach him in public?
As a side though, what sort of sins would/could cause a man who’se been the leader of this church for 30 years to up and resign so dramatically? I have been speculating and maybe I’m overreacting, but I can only think of a handfull of things that would rise to the level that would require the actions that occurred.
Your advice would be greatly appreciated, thanks.
Just ask if everything is alright and say if he needs any support, you’ll be there. Let him do the reaching out to you–he may not appreciate any probing into his circumstances at this point. Be non-specific.
Yes, but not necessarily in the manner that you are seeking. You can’t forgive someone of a sin commited against someone else. A sin should be confessed to the person(s) affected by the sin and in the same manner the sin was commited. IOW, if I lie to my fiancee (Why, yes, I am a virgin!) while talking to her alone one day, then I need to confess that to him or her alone. If I were to stand in a room full of friends and say the same thing, I should confess to everyone in the room - I lied to all of them. If I were to say the same thing on my syndicated network TV show, then I should confess the lie on the show.
In the case of your pastor, he has done something bad enough that he (and/or his superiors) is convinced that he is no longer fit to be a pastor. You don’t know what that is, nor does it matter. The sin(s) that lead to his decision should be confessed to the person(s) directly affected. The consequences of his sin, however, reached beyond those directly affected and now involve the congregation. He is asking your forgiveness not for the sin itself, but for not (at least in his mind) fulfilling the job description.
He and every other human who ever lived, save one. From what you said above I get the impression that your former pastor is a man of high moral standards. It would not surprise me if the transgression he committed, should it ever be known publicly, would be something most folks consider trivial.
The pastor of a church I once attended resigned, and we were all mystified as to why - until one day my husband and I were at the grocery store and we “ran into” him with a woman who was not his wife - she was the new choir director, or something - and they both looked extremely uncomfortable that we recognized them. Well, we’re pretty sure we know why, now.
I agree with you that forgiveness does require that the transgression be addressed, but I think you might consider that he has addressed it by confessing (his failure to disclose the nature of the sin could be to protect another party, or to spare his family public humiliation, or some such, which he may consider to be a way to avoid compounding the sin). I’d also say that your willingness to forgive is the fulfillment of what is required of you in Christian love. And I’d leave the rest of the matter between the parties affected, as you say.
I’d also do my best, if I were in your shoes, to avoid participating in any of the speculative talk & rumors you happen to hear. And I heartily agree with what Kythereia says.
Best wishes to you in dealing with this painful situation.
Daughter of a minister here. They are human beings. They go through mid-life crises just like everyone else, except they have to do it in the hothouse atmosphere of a church, where everyone is way too wrapped up in everyone else’s lives. Also, speaking from experience, ministers often have similar personalities to politicians and celebrities: confidence, big egos, risk-taking, admiration-seeking. My dad channels his by being a police chaplain on the side. Another minister I know puts on huge community theater projects in which he usually plays a prominent part.
Chances are he’s cheated on his wife and doesn’t know if he wants to give it up or not. Pre-emptively quitting saves him the ugly kangaroo court situation he would face if he tried to brazen it out.
Forgiving him is your choice, but I’m betting it’s a simple human failing. Painful, but common. There probably aren’t any corpses buried in his back yard.
You are correct to a point. If he forgot to pay his Pastoral Union Dues or some such technicallity (Joking) that goes with being an ordained Pastor then it’s no problem. I think it’s something far more reaching than that and it kills me to think that he did something ‘bad’ enough to cause him to resign a week before the biggest event in the church season. No matter what the sin, I, as well as most of the rest of the congregation, would forgive him. His reputation stained, but he would still be the same person he was before. The same guy everyone respected, except for this one blemish,- this one event that occurred,- that just re-inforces that he is only human.
I don’t want to actively pursue the details, I’m just dealing with the natural tendency to wonder what could be that bad?
Now, if it is a more trivial matter (like one poster suggested) then would it not be in his best interest to come forth? Putting everyone’s mind at ease?
Is my desire to know,- a bad thing? I think everyone in the whole church has had the same feelings/thoughts.
I agree that, in the end, his only ‘sin’ that matters to the rest of us is that he won’t be there for us anymore.
IMHO you don’t need to know what the sin was, just be willing to forgive. One’s human curiosity is natural enough, but as others have said, try to keep out of the gossip and speculation. It can only make matters worse.
Try to keep on helping out in the congregation too, it sure sounds as if it’s going to need it. And when a new pastor is called, try and be there for them. He’s going to be stepping into a difficult situation.
One would hope folks wouldn’t fall away from the congregation because of this. One’s devotion is not supposed to be to the pastor but to the One the pastor is representing.
Very good. Thanks all for your thoughts and input so far.
I do intend to help as much as I can (including keeping my yap shut) as I have in the past. My construction and electrician skills have come in handy many times.
The guy that’s going to need the most help is the other younger Pastor that has to bear the load left by Pastor G (there were 2 pastors). I suspect they’ll bring in another fellow to fill in or permanently replace Pastor G at some point…
In spite of best intentions, I suspect the truth will eventually come out. It may be a crisis of faith, a moral lapse, or even criminal behavior. In any case, word will get around.
So I suspect you’ll know eventually. If it’s not too much trouble, could you share the outcome? My curiosity is also piqued by the situation. Thanks.
Unless he had access to large amounts of money that has gone missing chances are much beeter than even that it’s an extra-marital affair or indiscretion of some kind, probably with someone’s SO in the congregation given the tone of the letter. It’s a mundane human failing.
astro, I’m leaning towards the same conclusion.
A couple of things get in the way though. The Pastor lived right next to the school/church, and the other pastors’ residence, -all on the same property. His wife works at the school, is the organist, a teacher, and is basically at the school/church all the time, as is he. It is also a small and tightly knit congragation. It would seem unlikely that an affair could go on under the noses of everyone else.
My sister was a Lutheran pastor for years. She was kind, concerned and opened her heart to all who sought help. She also opened her church as a sanctuary for refugees from Central American and other areas of the world where human beings were in danger of torture, rape or death. Her phone was tapped. She received threats. When she left the church, it wasn’t her choice. The CHURCH told her she had to leave. Perhaps you might consider this as a possible scenario in your situation. Forgiveness is taught in the church, maybe it should be practiced by all as well.
