Random musing, YMMV.
Time and time again I hear people complain they cant read signals from other people. Generally they talk about it in the context of dating. Something I learned with my own experiences is that it tends to be less some crippling mental defect and more the product of bad habits. Because we dont identify many of these habits as bad (we often carry them with us so long they become a part of our identity, become ‘quirks’ and sometimes worn as a badge of pride) the thought of changing ourselves seems difficult/impossible/pointless. Why fix something we dont believe is broken?
In my own experience, having difficulty reading signals is just a bunch of bad habits we didnt put effort into changing. The lomger you act a certain way, the more emotionally invested in it you become. In an immature, infantile kind of way, the world would be so much easier if people acted in a way we could understand (“why cant people just say what they want?”). We may seek out relationships with people we find are straightforward and direct. Maybe we want a girlfriend to just fall out of the sky.
We tend to surround ourselves with people we like and understand. Sometimes this can create a hot-house environment where we never change because our behavior is being reinforced by our peers. I hear people often say theyll only date/marry someone very similar to themselves, and while this makes sense on the surface, I think in some cases it can be kind of lazy- we seldom enjoy being called out on our shit, especially someone we love like a spouse, friend, etc. so its natural we seek out a person that wouldn’t hurt our feelings or ego.
I think the best way to learn to read signals from people is to step outside our comfort zones and hugboxes, take constructive criticism, and try/experience new things. A lot of times people that admit to being clueless are either really shy, or theyre insecure and try to make up for it by talking about themselves or drawing attention to themselves. Active listening means really paying attention, not just to what others are saying, but their body language too. Being more self- aware also helps us give off the right kind of signals to other people.
Changing who we are takes effort, patience, and humility. Its not something that happens overnight, and often we are the last to know just how much we are improving. I was fortunate to meet someone like my wife, who helped me become more self aware. But she didnt coddle me or hold my hand. It took a lot of ego-pinching feedback for me to change.