I know that it’s come up in previous that some of us men are totally clueless. I’m lucky that Ms. P directly told me she was interested. What about women? Are there many out there who don’t pick up signals? I realize that since men have traditionally been expected to make the first move it may be less of an issue for women. I’m not limiting my question to heterosexual women, by the way.
Why don’t you tell us what clues are being used?
Pardon my cluelessness, but I don’t understand your question.
What are the signals that you say are not being picked up by women?
Please share your definition of ‘romantically interested’.
In the long gone past, I realized after the fact a few times that I was being flirted with. So, yeah, I was kinda clueless. Since getting married 40 years ago, it’s not much of a problem any more. 
How about if I change it to “interested in dating”?
My point was that I don’t know if not picking up signals is something that happens to women as often as it does with men. With me the most common signal was probably looking like a deer in the headlights, which explains why I didn’t date much in my teens and twenties.
Even after being told by someone I ended up dating that she’d wanted to go out with me since she met me, I still didn’t see it after the fact. I believed her, but I wasn’t picking up what she was putting down. It’s far in the past for me as well; I’ve been married for 28 years.
I’ve been married almost 30 years, so am long out of practice with this (I just don’t care at this point about interest from anyone other than DH). I do remember that, when younger, Hollywood had gotten it drilled into my head that anyone (of either sex or any orientation) who does not meet their beauty standards is a repulsive thing, not a human being with feelings or in any way worthy of respect/affection/attraction/love. I am not and have never been a beauty-queen type, so did have a very hard time picking up hints that someone might actually find me worthy. Would-be dates had to be pretty direct (and these days, seems that any expression of interest by a male gets him blasted for harassment, “microaggression”, or even some form of “assault” by the more anti-male branch of feminism).
Thanks to Fairy Chat Mom, I’m going to change the wording. What I’m trying to figure out is how common it is for women to not realize when they’re being flirted with.
My intuition is so developed I can always tell if a guy is or is not interested in me, even without him speaking.
Count me among the clueless, with a firm yes to the OP’s question. I can usually pick up on strong, direct signals (but not always) but I just don’t pick up on subtle ones. I’ve been told “a woman always knows, thanks to feminine intuition”, but I don’t have it.
My cluelessness can be uncomfortable. I can think of least 7 men who have come on to me or told me they were interested or even told me they wanted to marry me, and I had had no idea that they were even interested. (Guys, if you plan to tell a woman you want to marry her, at least go on a couple of dates first!) In most cases they were men in whom I had no interest, which is maybe why I hadn’t realized. In hindsight I could see that some of them had been flirting, but with others, even knowing they had been interested, looking back I just couldn’t see it.
I’m still clueless; 28 years of marriage haven’t made much of a difference. 10 years ago, I was at an awards presentation dinner for a friend from work and had to go up to the stage to say a few words about him. When I came back to my seat, my husband and another work friend were laughing. When I asked them why, they said that it was so funny to see how the MC had been trying to flirt with me, but I was just clueless.
I can think of one that I didn’t realize, and it still irks me. he kept saying “So, what do you do for fun?” And being deep into a workaholic phase at the time, I was too busy processing the emotional crisis that considering the question had dumped me in - to ever realize that he was asking me out. Which really sucks, because I’d been thinking about this guy for more than a decade before that. Argh!! By the time I realized, he was happily married, so I suppose it was all for the best.
In the [Guess Culture <-------> Ask Culture] spectrum I am 100% “ask.” I have difficulty with sarcasm, and implied communication. It’s fine if I’m reading or something, but in personal interaction it generally eludes me. All that said, it’s probably for the best anyway. If a guy can’t come out and say “Would you like to have dinner with me sometime?” then the whole relationship would end up as one long communication error. Best for all concerned that my deficits are their own filter.
Don’t know how common it is. I know I was terrible at it, and am probably not much better now, though now the situation doesn’t seem to come up. Or, if it does, I’m definitely not better at it now.
And it wasn’t only men I didn’t want that I couldn’t tell about. I’ve misjudged the interest in me of men I did want, in both directions (both thinking somebody was interested who wasn’t, and thinking somebody wasn’t who, in retrospect, almost certainly was.)
Me. I am totally clueless.
It happens. I once gave a woman flowers on Valentine’s Day and invited her to a play. She had no idea that I was romantically interested.
How do you know your intuition is always correct?
Those who are interested, then let me know.
If I approach someone who isn’t after I felt they aren’t, I soon found out I was right.
All this was pretty long ago now, but my romantic life could be roughly divided into 1. men I wasn’t interested in who were interested in me, and I was awkwardly surprised if they made it obvious, since I wasn’t paying any attention, and 2. men I was interested in but weren’t interested in me.
The number of men who felt the same as I did was probably around five altogether. I’m not very socially accessible. To put it politely. Okay, I’m scary and weird.
I’ve missed very direct expressions of interest from both men and women. Sometimes i figure it out later. (I am apparently pretty attractive to lesbians.)
On the other hand, my gaydar, while not super, is not terrible. And part of what i use is “men who really aren’t looking at me with sexual interest”.