Pavlovian celebrity gossip

As I heard it, it was about a “coke can’s worth.”

A threefer: Angela Bowie discovering David Bowie and Mick Jagger in bed together naked. (OK, it’s only a threefer if you count Angie as a celebrity. And I can’t really say it’s the first thing I think of when I think of Bowie or Jagger individually, but whenever I see or hear their names together…)

William Shatner, Robert Wagner, Robert Blake, and O.J. Simpson are all members of the Dead Wives Club. Probably no more than two are guilty of murder, and Marilyn Monroe was probably not killed by the Kennedys.

I’m just not seeing why that would be enough that you’d need to get your stomach pumped.

twickster, celebrity gossip doesn’t have to make sense.

Michael Hutchence’s (INXS) death was officially ruled a suicide, although many (including close relatives) believe it was a case of autoerotic asphyxiation gone wrong. I’d rather believe it was. At least there’d be a chance he died happy. (That may look like a joke, but it’s not.)

Pamela Anderson. . . certainly not “Baywatch.”
Tommy Lee. . . definitely not “Motley Crue.”

These are stupid rumors spread by teenage boys. Don’t over think it.

More people might recognize her by this picture, from Quantum of Solace.
Not a celebrity of the same stature as many listed here (at least not in the US), but there once was a false impression that Kate Bush, who hadn’t released an album in many, many, many years, had become a fat, crazy hermit, obsessed with Emily Bronte. All that was dispelled when she released her last album. Turns out the only thing she was obsessed with was being a regular person, a mother who cooks and cleans and takes care of her kid herself. She’d gained a few extra “mom” pounds but that was all.

NOTE: I’m not saying all of these are real (though some certainly are, but they are among the first things I think of when seeing the people)

William Hurt: physically abused Marlee Matlin

(newest to the list) Christian Bale: psycho primadonna temper tantrums

Ted Kennedy: Chappaquiddick

JFK/RFK/LBJ/MLK: womanizers (something about initials I guess)

Bill Cosby: allegations of drugging and molesting women

Jerry Lewis: misogynistic megalomaniac

Frank Sinatra: mob affiliated total bastard

Andy Griffith: rude jerk

Randy Quaid: total jerk (entire cast of a play he starred in filed a grievance against him)

Ben Stein: Fundie jerk

Ben Stiller: crazy jerk

Owen Wilson: attempted suicide

Bill Clinton: womanizer

George Clooney: really weird & sometimes mean sense of humor; closeted

Clay Aiken: publicly denied being gay before deciding he was

Ricky Martin: publicly denies being gay when even Clay Aiken’s dog knows he is

Matthew McConaughey: plays bongos when nekkid and stoned

Burt Reynolds: jerk who screwed over lots of small businessmen by declaring bankruptcy

Kirk Cameron: obnoxious and stupid Fundie

Ed McMahon: squandered tens of millions

Joan Crawford: child abuser (don’t know or care how accurate, but it’s the first thing you think of)

Lucille Ball: evil ice queen

Desi Arnaz: total horndog

Patty Duke: manic depressive

Sean Astin: by all accounts a nice guy but the mystery of his paternity always comes to mind (he now knows who his bio father was, though his mother denies it)

Russell Crowe: violent and crazy

Laurence Olivier and Danny Kaye being lovers.

I remember reading somewhere that Lucille Ball was the major foreign importer of Egyptian henna.

Cary Grant and Randolph Scott

A (discredited?) biographer said that Spencer Tracy was a binge drinker who would check into a cheap hotel with a suitcase full of booze. He’d take his clothes off and hop into the tub nekkid and stay there until he was out of booze. Then he’d sober up, clean up, tip the maid, and leave.

In the process of finding some source data for this rumor, I discovered a gossiper’s paradise: Who is Cary Grant dating? Cary Grant girlfriend, wife

Shatner - rug on his head

Judy Garland - pill popper

Lupe Velez - choked on her own vomit

Jean Harlow - “Christian” “Scientist” mom let her die

Howard Hughes - germaphobic

Vic Morrow - decapitated

Damn, sometimes you can remember (or think you remember) the event more than the people involved. Who was that famous Hollywood swimmer married to a famous Hollywood actor, who was appalled when the Hollywood actor turned out to be a transvestite? I can picture both of them but their names aren’t coming to me. GOT IT: Jeff Chandler and Esther Williams.

My brain, it doesn’t work so well anymore.

Isadora Duncan – long flowing scarf got caught in wheel of convertible she was riding in, pulled her head clean off

In a similar vein…

Jayne Mansfield – decapitated in a car accident

Famous female swimmers I can name: Esther Williams.

Esther Williams and Jeff Chandler. I had never heard this one, but [implied female] “famous Hollywood swimmer” narrows it down somewhat.

ETA: Well, excuse me for actually checking my facts.

Thanks!

I had already posted when all of a sudden the name Jeff Chandler popped into my head. I did a quick Wikipedia check for the name of the swimmer and got Esther Williams. I added them right before the edit window closed and didn’t have enough time to re-word my post.

According to Wikipedia they weren’t married yet and didn’t have enough time to correct that either.

Interesting. I had heard the same thing about her husband Kurt Russell.

Sharon Tate: impossible to watch one of her movies or TV shows without thinking of her death

Charlie Sheen: major druggie and horndog, wrote checks to Heidi Fleiss

Juliette Lewis: strung out on heroin and other stuff for several years (has since cleaned up I believe)

Winona Ryder: crazy, kleptomaniac

Johnny Depp: has done every drug known to man and invented a few combos

Joaquin Phoenix: batshit crazy, raised in a cult

Kirstie Allie/Lisa Marie & Priscilla Presley/Ethan Supplee/Jason Lee/Juliette Lewis/Tom Cruise/Corin Nemec/John Travolta/Giovanni Ribisi/Greta Van Susteren/others: first thing I think of is their Scientology membership

Rush Limbaugh: druggie hypocrite

Kelsey Grammar: druggie

Anderson Cooper: closeted son of Gloria Vanderbilt

Jimmy Swaggart: likes cheap whores

Rob Lowe: sex tape

Anne Heche: thoroughly nuts, dead broke

Eddie Murphy: picked up a transvestite hooker

Hugh Grant: picked up a regular hooker while living with a supermodel

Angelina Jolie: humanitarian, adulteress, loud in bed

Johnny Carson: let his first wife/mother of his sons live in poverty when he was worth half a billion