I was trying to come up with a ‘Thundering Herd’ joke, but came up empty.
Keith Richards (or is it Bill Wyman?): has his blood “changed out” in several days of transfusions each year in Switzerland (pretty much an impossibility, but still a common rumor)
Woody Allen: dated/married his girlfriend’s underaged daughter
Jeffrey Donovan (Burn Notice): major gay rumors
Whitney Houston: “Crack is for poooor people!”
I guess I’m a lot more judgementally obsessed with celebrities than I should be.
Mel Gibson: ultra-right wing drugged up homophobic Holocaust denying anti Semite (“but he understands story structure”)
Elton John: over-his-head-in-debt drama queen
Jessica Simpson: about as smart as a bag of wet feathers
Flavor Flav: deadbeat dad
Corey Haim: total loser druggie
Robert Downey Jr.: brilliant actor but would freebase his own fingernails if there weren’t any other options
Courtney Cox: snobby stuck up rich biatch
R Kelly: peed on a girl on camera
Anna Nicole: walking sperm bank who made Jessica Simpson look like Mme. Curie
David Duchovny: sex addict and (at least for an Ivy League grad and as judged by his appearance on celebrity game shows) stupid
Britney Spears: cuckoo for cocoa puffs
Donnie Osmond: still cute in his 50s but eats his young when startled
Larry King: past includes 20 ex wives and a criminal record, currently married to the world’s most golddigging or most charitable she-Mormon
Tony Randall: married a wife young enough to be his granddaughter
Alec Baldwin: brilliant actor, nutcase
Sean Penn: brilliant actor but about as self deprecating and lighthearted as Hitler
Justin Timberlake: just… dreamy…
Jacskon Browne: punched Daryl Hannah
Ozzy Osbourne: bit off bat head
Madonna: pees in the shower
Shirley MacLaine: woo-woo nut
Completely off topic, but thanks very much for that link. I was one of those at birth too (never knew it had a name though), but for some reason I can never get my mother to tell me much about it. It’s great after all these years to be able to learn about the condition.
Glad to help. Anne Boleyn and all.
Alicia Silverstone: Agent of PETA
Richard Gere: Rodent up the butt
Richard Pryor: Snorted an entire bowl of cocaine by himself
Angelina Jolie: Loves her brother in more ways than one
Mel Gibson: Anti-semitic, Jew-hatin’ Jew hater
Danny Glover: Can’t get a cab in New York
Anne Hathaway: Mob ties
Liam Neeson - hung like a horse
This one might seem weird considering most of these reactions are based on crazy/outre behavior, but:
“Weird Al” Yankovic: truly nice guy. After hearing so many stories about just how nice a guy he is, in business and in personal life, it’s a pleasant reaction to see him on TV or something and think “he’s a really nice, cool guy.”
Relatedly, if I ever see Victoria Jackson or Terri Nunn, I think “hey, she dated Weird Al.”
…on the other hand…
Fergie, the pop singer: she urinated on herself on stage. And her past as a meth addict.
That reminds me…
Victoria Jackson - Totally off-the-wall right-wing nutjob loonball.
Chuck Norris - ditto
It was absolutely Keith Richards. But now “blood change” is followed immediately by “fell out of a palm tree.” (And I still have yet to hear any explanation whatsoever offered for what he was doing in a palm tree.)
After reading Twicks’s comment, I googled it, and Kate Hudson’s ex came up. He likes rock ‘n’ roll to be unwashed.
Now I immediately think “Widower”
Dennis Wilson: Hung out with Charles Manson
Whitney Houston: Bobby Brown & the drugs.
Harvey Keitel: hung like a mosquito.
Some of us have been trying to erase that scene in The Piano from our minds for 16 years now. Thank you SO much for re-inserting it.
Samuel L. Jackson–I’ve had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane.
I saw the equipment in The Bad Lieutenant and he didn’t seem all that mosquito-like, as I recall. Shrinkage?
Maybe in that one he used a dick double?
Not gossip but “caught on film” and still the first thing I think of when I see her:
Chloe Sevigny (BIG LOVE and other credits): actually blew Vincent Gallo on film in BROWN BUNNY.
I remember reading an interview with Dave Matthews several years ago - I have no clue what magazine;maybe Rolling Stone - and he was talking about how much he likes to perform oral sex on his wife and if there was no food left in the world he could live off of her juices. It almost gave me some respect for him. Almost. Anyway, that is all I can think of when I see / hear him.