Both my mother and my grandmother told me that no man would ever marry a girl who wasn’t a virgin. I wonder if women still tell their daughters this.
Mine did. And I’m 30.
From mom:
Don’t do drugs. Only bad people snort pot or smoke LDS. (No, mom that would be only STUPID people snort pot, but I guess it would take a bad person to burn a Mormon.)
Chose a husband the way you would chose a puppy. Pick the one that pays the most attention to you.
Given the choice (and to her there were only two options) between marrying a man who loves you more than you love him, or a man who you love more than he loves you, take the former.
For a happy marriage your husband must be taller than you, smarter than you, and come from a better background than you.
Stay away from men who are named Robert, but won’t be called Bob, Rob, Bobby, Robbie or Bert. Men that insist on being called Robert are always too egotistical.
Men who are named Michael and won’t be called Mike, only Michael, are gay.
Sex really isn’t all that bad. After a while you get used to it and hardly mind doing your duty.
If you sleep with the window open, you will catch pneumonia. (The temperature outside didn’t matter, that open window at night was a killer.)
Don’t ever get blisters on your feet, they will kill you. (This came from a president’s son who died from an infection first started by a blister I think.)
I could go on and on, but I will end with this last one, not exactly pearls of wisdom category, but one of the goofiest things she ever said. “No, I don’t think OJ should be found guilty. Yes, I think he murdered his wife, but before that he was a really nice guy, and I just don’t think that one bad thing should be held against him because of the nice things he did before that. Now if he does it again, I might feel differently." No, she wasn’t on the jury.
From others:
When in a bar, don’t ever drink beer from the bottle, always get a glass. Girls drink beer out of bottles to indicate they give blow-jobs. (This was from my brother in the 80’, wishful thinking on his part.)
Eat the crust, that’s the most nutritious part. I’m embarrassed at how old I was before I realized that was wrong.
You mustn’t wash you hair while you’ve got your period or you’ll catch your death of cold! 
I’ve been noticing a pattern in threads about parents . . . your mom is batshit, isn’t she?
I’d like to say all parents are batshit, but I’m the parent now. I’ve tried really hard not to pass on the BS pearls to my daughter.
I did tell her one yesterday. We saw that commercial for Activia yogurt - two college girls sitting around, one wants to go out, the other complains she’s bloated and crampy. The first one says she should eat Activia yogurt, blah, blah, blah, whatever. My daughter is going away to college this fall, and I commented that college roommates don’t actually sit around talking like that.
I always heard the ones about going out with wet hair will give you pneumonia, sleeping with the window open will give you pneumonia (“That night air will kill you!”), don’t let the boys know you’re too smart, staying out late (“What can you do after 11:00 that you can’t do before 11:00?”) - lots of these.
The ones about pneumonia I heard from my MIL. She was crazy batshit insane when it came to health issues.
I read somewhere very recently that most of the vitamins in your bread are in the crust.
Well, my mother really was batshit, but I try hard not to be. In fact, before we got married, I made my hubby promise that if I ever turn into my mother he’ll shoot me. So since I’m still here, with no gunshot wounds, I must be doing okay. 
Maybe you didn’t. I certainly did. “Hey, Ben, I noticed you spent a long time in there. Are your bowels working okay? Do you need some fiber? Here, have a bran muffin.” That sort of thing. You have to look out for one another.
Guys do. Girls usually don’t. I’ve envied this ability, because of this situation.
Scenario 1:
Smelly bathroom. Guy walks into it. Another guy walks in. Second guy says to first guy, “Man, what did you eat! It smells like something crawled in there and died!” First guy laughs. All embarrassment is averted.
Scenario 2:
Smelly bathroom. Girl walks into it. Blushes. Worries everyone will think it was her. Another girl walks in. Looks at the first one like :dubious: If she’s nice, she;s embarrassed for the first girl, and faintly worried, like “Is she OK? Is she sick?” If she’s not nice, she’s thinking “Oh, disgusting!” First girl is thinking “OMG how do I tell her it wasn’t me? Damn!”
Embarrassment all around.
Mine? Yes, we think she is somewhat mentally disturbed, but the taboo in Indian culture being what it is, even to mention it in front of her would get her in an uproar.
She was pretty normal for most of my life, but when I found out accidentally that I was adopted, she began to fear I would not love her anymore and that I would become just like my bio mom* and so kind of flipped out and continued flipping out, gradually, over the next 15 years.
*My bio mom is not a slut. She slept with a married man. That was a big mistake and absolutely wrong. But I have found out recently she was with him for four years, hanging on to his promises, until I was conceived and he took off like a bat out of hell.
I was joking, dear. Perhaps I wasn’t very funny, but I wasn’t serious. Granted, guys will say the former, but I don’t think male roommates are any more inclined to give unsolicited advice on bodily functions than females are.
Oh, I knew you were - but on the other hand, when I was in college my boyfriend’s suitemates would give each other advice all the time… Not nicely, though, like you said, but considered it uproariously funny that someone was sick or whatever.
Exactly. I belong to a volunteer firehouse, and it’s not uncommon to hear from the guy’s bathroom, “Dude, come here and lookit this!”
Much admiring all around, and then a flush.
:rolleyes: Boys are gross.
I try really hard to pass on BS, the further out there, the better. I want my kids to be skeptical when they hear crackpots talking about electric suns or men living with dinosaurs. So I train them to be skeptical no matter who is talking. Granted, the BS I pass out is on a par with or exceeds such theories, so if I’ve done my job and instilled BS detectors in them, they will pick it up.
A few other [Questionable or Incorrect Parental Advice Your Parents Gave You Growing Up (Poll) - In My Humble Opinion - Straight Dope Message Board] questionable tidbits
My sister and I heard it as ‘eat the crust, it will put hair on your chest’. To this day, my sister still cuts off the crust, and…I have hair on my chest.
(I’m the brother by the way). 
This reminds me of my father, who would be pissed that you got yourself hurt and rocked the predictability of his little world. No concern for you, or if there was some it was masked by his paranoia about his control over the world not being total. For example, when my brother broke his ankle, Pop decided he had done it on purpose and told him he had probably damaged the growth center and would have one leg shorter than the other. Brother gets attacked by a racoon/groundhog/something? “Damn it, now I have to stop what I’m doing to take you to the hospital.” Anyhoo, because of this overreation by him, we would eventually start joking about how we would get a small cut, scrape, blister, etc., and Pop would predict the direst of consequences. “Might as well amputate it now” became a common saying.
What about girls who play blow pong?
Is it true about the skin of a potato?
Oh yeah -
There’s no such thing as an accident. Everything is someone’s fault.
I’m still working on this one… I mean, most things can be traced back to someone, if not the mere existence of humans, but still - accidents do happen, right? Tornadoes anyone?