Reminds me of the old joke about nurses:
What’s the difference between a group of nurses and a toxic waste dump?
You can eat lunch next to a toxic waste dump. :D:p
(I worked in healthcare myself.)
Everyone understands “peeing,” but not everyone understands “pooped,” which blows my mind. And no, I’m sorry, I cannot bring myself to say “boom-boom,” which is what most of my most elderly patients seem to call it if they don’t understand “pooped.”
I always start more formal, and then less so. So too often it looks like:
“And when was your last bowel movement?”
“What?”
“BM? …When was the last time you pooped?”
“Huh?”
“Um…bathroom?”
“Oh, you mean boom-boom?”
…sigh Yes, yes I suppose I do. No, I can’t say it with a straight face.
Dude, you are awful! 
My co-workers are arguing right now over who gave who “the poopies”. Of course, they’re playing.
“Hope everything comes out all right!”
This blows my mind too, but because I’d never heard the phrase “boom boom” except once, on MST3K. And I’m in health care. Is this regional? It sure is stupid.
One of my standard lines.
If engineers become constipated, they can always work it out with a pencil.
Possibly regional. I work mostly with Black elders who live on Chicago’s south side. Lots came here from Alabama or Mississippi during the Great Migration. Maybe they brought it north with them? I don’t know.
[Sammy Davis Jr.]
♬ I’ve got to go pee, I’ve go to go pee
Daring to try, to do it or die
I’ve got to go pee ♬
[/SDJr]
Three pages in so I’d say the conversation as drifted a bit from just answering the original question.
Still, I say “pee”. I mean, I’d probably be most likely the say some variation of “I need to use the toilet”, but if I was being specific I’d say pee.
The problem for me is that all the words to describe it either sound childish (wee, pee, etc.), vulgar (piss etc), or far too clinical (urinate). Same thing with poo. But that’s probably because everyone says a different thing because we’re all afraid to talk about it.
Compliment accepted.
Insert “floater” joke here.
When I have to go, I’m going to take a leak.
My mom shortened it to just BM. “Did you have a BM today?” “Do you need to go BM before we leave?” It infantilizes me just to think about it.
What I hate is getting stuck in a long line when my bladder is fit to burst. I find I really have to watch my pees and queues.
As in, “Arrgh, I have shit inside my eyeballs‽”
Funny you should mention it- I have a fuzzy spot in my (right side only) field of vision. My first thought was “cataract” although the spot moves around a little. My Eye Doctor checked me out and told me it’s a “floater cluster” and will eventually break up and disappear. So it is literally true that…
I have a cluster of floaters in my eyeball.
I’ve had one right in the middle of my right eye’s field for years. I’ve named him Guy.