My co-worker inevitably gives the unnecessary details on her bathroom activities. Really, if we’re getting ready to meet with the boss, you don’t need to tell us both that you “have to go pee”. UGH. Grow up.
What? I meant the language you use on the golf course. I couldn’t have made a typo because it was 2AM, no sirree. Not me!
Hee. I sing to John Denver’s I want to live, I want to grow / I want to see, I want to know / I want to share, what I can give / I want to be, I want to live
I gotta pee/I gotta go…
This is a perfect example of what I was talking about. So immature and unappealing.
I will now use this (bolding mine) in place of “where is the bathroom?” It is so deliciously refined and civilized. I want it to be mandatory. 
Thank you chappachula!
We can be, for sure. I usually say “go to the loo” but I often need to ask my patients about intake/output etc, so I say pee and poo to them. Some are very forthcoming in telling me they need to piss. Ugh.
I loathe it; it’s a little kid word for little kids, not for adults.
Medical technicians that need to test various bodily fluids for various things. I used to be annoyed by the command, “Pee in this cup”, but now I just correct them and say, “urinate”.
“Pardon me for a moment”. (No, not “excuse for for a minute”, that means “I have to check my phone.”)
I’ve had quite a few visits to the hospital and innumerable clinician appointments. Without fail, the nurse (or aide, etc.) will refer to it as “pee.” It used to make me raise an eyebrow, but I’ve gotten used to it.
I don’t particularly care what term people use for it. I don’t need to hear any details on the subject, so I mostly tune it out, but it doesn’t bother me. If someone makes a habit of announcing every trip to the toilet, I may toss back, “I’ll alert the media.” when they say something about it.
I don’t generally feel the need to announce pit stops, either. If people need to know I’m going to be away briefly, I usually just say, “I’ll be back in a moment.” Occasionally, in the right group, I might say something about going to the euphemism, because that line still amuses me after all these years.
In online games, it’s pretty common to say, “bio break” to indicate that you’re going to be AFK for a brief time (and that it might be a good time for others to do the same).
Mostly, though, I’m posting because I love this bit from the “Ode to the Four-Letter Words”:
"You may wee wee, make water, or empty the glass;
You can powder your nose–even “Johnny " may pass;
Shake the dew off the lily, see the man about a dog,
Or, when everyone’s drunk, it’s condensing the fog,
But be pleased to remember, if you would know bliss,
That only in Shakespeare do characters piss.”
Was just talking about the word “pee” last night. It always sounded juvenile to me. An ex-Marine friend said he was going to pee and when he got back I asked him if he got his frilly panties wet. 
I think those who hate “pee”
Are themselves very twee
Since at my mother’s knee
It was necessary to denote brevity
So I’ll continue its use with levity
Oh, please. Pee is a model of efficiency. Piss takes one too many letters. Urinate and micturate both have too many syllables. It rhymes (as** faithfool** demonstrates) with so many words. I have more to say, but I have to pee.
Pee uses two too many letters. Guess which two?
“Take a leak” and “Drop the Browns off at the Super Bowl” for me. The latter is always good for a couple of chuckles.
If I feel the need to announce it (mostly at work so my colleagues know I’m away from my desk), I tend to go Douglas McArthur and say “I shall return.”
What was the Welshman doing beside the road?
Having a leak.
At work, I say, “I’m gonna run to the restroom.” At home, I say, “I’m gonna go to the bathroom.” I think most people have a good idea of what I’m doing in there, and they don’t need confirmation. That said, I have no problem with, “I have to pee.” It’s casual, kinda cute, basically harmless. If you have to poop, and I don’t need to know about it, I don’t want to know about it.
With my patients, I use urinate and bowel movement. I’ve rarely if ever had to clarify.
I do work with a woman who tells us when she needs to poop. She gets to Fat Bastard levels of graphic about it (think “prairie dogging” “touching cloth” “stomach gurgling” levels). I just laugh. What can you do?
You sound like my wife. If I say, ‘I need to defecate,’ she says ‘I don’t really need to know that.’
I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone ever say they had to urinate. Sounds so clinical.
Someone once said they used boom-boom when their baby had to poop. We use that for our dogs. Oh, no, Shanni didn’t boom-boom this morning or this afternoon!
I’ve always wondered why you see locks on bathroom doors. I never leave anything anyone would want to steal.
(Bolding mine) Two jokes in one! I’ve heard “two-two” (sp?) as a euphemism for cacadoody.
Also: “winky tink” (for wizz) and “dooky squat” for you know.
Finally: My nephew once reported that he and his fellow young adults referred to fecal extrusion as “Dropping the kids off at the pool.” Which was quickly shortened to “Poolside” as in “Bob will be back in a minute- he’s poolside.”
ETA: I sometimes will announce to Mrs. Cretin with faux happiness: “Darling, we’re going to have a fece!”