Another use of the rat-bastard filter happened to me one time, in the days before caller ID.
I was building a model railroad layout, and called (I thought) a local store of a nationwide lumber chain to price some wood. I dialed a wrong number.
Me: “84 Lumber?”
Woman answering the phone: “You’re SICK!!!” <power slams her phone>
Me: I looked the number upagain, raalized I transposed a couple of digits, and called the lumberyard. By the time I concluded my business with them, I was fuming about the reaction at the wrong number, so I called her back.
Me: “What is so sick about trying to get a price on plywood?”
WN: “Bwuh?”
Me: “I was calling 84 Lumber in xxxxxxx, and I apparently got a wrong number. For that, I’m sorry, but I don’t get the reaction I got from you. If you still don’t believe, look up their listing in the book, and you’ll see I crossed the digits.”
There was a pause, and the sound of turning pages.
WN: "I’m sorry. I’ve been getting obscene phone calls, and they always start with ‘You need a lover?’ "
I ended up giving the woman a 10 minute pep talk and advice on dealing with those kinds of calls.
I used to work at a small law firm. The Chapter 13 office was upstairs, run by one of our lawyers, so the women who worked there would come down and use our breakroom.
So one day some people I worked with were watching TV during lunch (All My Children) and I said asked a question about the “pretty black girl.” (I think she was a doctor named Angie.)
Oh boy! They though I had offended a couple of black women sitting there–who didn’t seem offended.
My mom once got offended when my husband offered to pull a chair out to the porch for her so she could sit down. She was grilling dinner for us while we got our son to bed, which we very much appreciated, and came in to ask if we happened to have a chair she could use. It was a nice evening and she just wanted to relax outside while the food cooked. My husband chose the wrong words when he responded. He said, “We don’t, but I’d be happy to drag a chair out there for you if you’d like to sit down.”
She later told me that she found it offensive that my husband would offer to “drag a chair” for her anywhere. She said that, regardless of the inflection in his voice (which she admitted implied that it was no problem), that particular wording implied that it was inconvenient. So she shoved the plate she was using into my hands and stomped off. I didn’t mind finishing up, but I was totally mystified. Turns out that offering to make her more comfortable without offering just so was beyond the pale.
Well, I can kind of see what she means. If she asked if you had a chair she could use, and you say you have one you can drag out there, then why would you say that no, you don’t have one (“we don’t, but I’d be happy to drag a chair out there for you”)? To me, I’d say something like, “Oh sure, we have one in [whatever room], let me get that for you!”
If I heard “we don’t” and then “we can drag one out for you”, it does sound like you’re feeling she’s being a pain asking that.
At work, a woman with a ~7 year old kid was talking with me. She commented that I looked very tired; I must have worked very late the previous day. I chuckled and said no, I was just hungover.
She was furious. Apparently she didn’t want her child to know that adults sometimes overdid it?!?
I am not allowed to answer the phone at my moms house anymore because my aunt got offended by the way I spoke to her on the phone once. My aunt called and asked to speak to my Mom who was not home. I informed her of such and then asked if she needed anything else. She said no so I told her “Ok, bye” and hung up. Evidently I was rude by not offering to allow her to speak to my dad who was working in the backyard trimming trees. So now I do not answer the phone at my moms house. I see it as a win.
I can kind of understand being touchy about your kids, but I try to keep it inside my own head, not go all crazy on someone who probably meant no harm. Like when my friend took pains to note that my toddler “looks like she has male-pattern baldness,” it was a little annoying (though yes, it’s kind of true). But worth even mentioning, never mind getting huffy?
Once at a breastfeeding support group, someone pulled me aside and said in a shocked tone, “Your friend brought Juicy Juice!” Evidently we shouldn’t be grateful when a group mother donates snack stuff for the meeting, if it’s something vaguely associated with Nestle, because of what they did 30 years ago. (Most breastfeeding advocates I know aren’t like this, thank goodness.)
Reminds me of a comeback that I’ve been waiting 20+ years to use. I’m waiting for a guy to put his hand on my bald head and say “Ha ha ha! It feels like my wife’s ass!” I’d then put my own hand on my head and say “You know what? It does!”
I would have found it hysterical … but I don’t have kids of my own. Though I will note that people compare kids to old people all the time [doesn’t he look just like grandpa smith …] so male pattern baldness would not be untoward a thing to comment.
When I was 10 or so, I was playing at a school friend’s house. He lived about a mile away, so my mother drove me over. He had a 2 year old brother, who was playing with blocks or something on the other side of the room as us. At one point, for no reason I can remember, I said to my friend, “Your little brother is weird.” His mother shot out of her chair, and came screeching over to me “How dare you call him weird! Get out of my house!” She actually made me leave immediately and walk home alone. Wouldn’t call my mother to pick me up or anything. Now I can see being upset if another adult called your 2 year old weird, but another kid doing so?
