This is pretty obnoxious. Not because it fucks over the thief, but because you’re sticking dog shit in the communal fridge and potentially fucking over a number of innocent third parties. That’s just gross.
When you make the cat fud sandwich, be sure and lay some cat hair on the meat too. It’s only fitting that after this guy eats your sandwich that he should also be forced to cough up a hairball. As an added bonus, if you hear anyone at work beging to hoark, well, there’s your guy.
Management does jack shit about lunch thefts. If they were going to do anything about them, you know what it would be? They’d take the fucking refrigerator out, inconveniencing dozens of people because of one or two malignant assholes. Personally I would rather displace the repugnant assholes.
For a second there I considered starting a “Ask the Lunch Thief” thread, but then I thought better of it.
For anyone who missed my earlier posts, I was a lunch thief many years ago. I know it was wrong and I still feel bad about it.
Feel free to ask me any questions. I would be glad to offer suggestions that would help people not have their lunches stolen.
Did it taste good?
The neighbour principle it what its is notable for. That’s what took the matter out of contract.
Also , the injury was psychological in addition to physical. She freaked.
Apply that to someone who freaks upon learing of having consumed cat food. That’s how the OP could be sued. What are the odds? That would depend on the person who eats the cat food. NMost people would not freak. A few would.
I bought a generously-sized lunch cooler at Target and keep a few blue ice-packs in my freezer. Actually, I think it’s a six-pack cooler; I needed the room because I usually bring a salad and salads are more voluminous than a sandwich. My lunch cooler is always safely under my desk, and the larger size encourages me to fill it up with more snacks, like celery sticks and V8 and plums. I always have chilled goodies at arm’s reach, which encourages me to not eat the sugary junk food which is always around this office. And no one has ever stolen my lunch with this system.
ETA: Oh, I forgot to add my story of an incident here at work. One of our file clerks was in the habit of bringing in a jug of nonfat milk and keeping it in the fridge to drink all week long. After awhile, she noticed that someone else had been helping themselves to her milk, so she added the entire contents of a canister of Morton salt to her milk and shook it up well to dissolve it. A couple of days later, the thief came to her in a rage, choking and red-faced, and accused her of making a poisoning attempt. “I was just trying to find out who was stealing my milk!” she fought back.
The thief? One of our most highly paid law partners, and the file clerk makes about the least amount of money as anyone here.
This is what I did when I used the fridge at an office where lunches routinely went missing – not just to thwart thieves, but to eliminate any concern over whether my sandwich had been pawed at and then put back because it was not worth stealing. (Gross!)
Sandwich status: gone. Going out for lunch then i shall return and investigate.
yessssssssssss
I’ll take you up on this. We have a stolen lunch problem here too. For us, it’s usually the frozen entrees. It sucks when it happens, because I have to be pretty much broke to even resort to a frozen entree in the first place, thus cannot afford a replacement meal.
I get that it could be a money thing, but I think sometimes it’s an eff-the-world thing, too.
Alternately, my five-year-old occasionally employs this logic: If you don’t get caught, then it must be ok.
I like the idea of some kind of staining powder on the inside of the bag but I’d like to know what **Fell through **has to say
This cracked me up. I had just got done saying, “Oh boy!” 
What made you decide to swipe lunches at work instead of going to a soup kitchen or signing up for food stamps or something?
omg… The drama is killing me!!!
Well, as I said, I was a teenager living in a group-home situation. Think modern-day orpahange (not troubled teen or rehab or anything).
We only got 30 minutes or whatever for lunch. I have no idea if there was a “soup kitchen” open for lunch nearby. Either this was not an option or obviously it never occured to me.
I don’t think teens who are a ward of the state are eligable for food stamps. In any case, I’d never even heard of food stamps. Again, I was 17, living in a group home.
As far as “deciding to swipe” lunches instead of…whatever. I didn’t go to work plotting to steal lunches. It was just that around lunchtime I became so hungry I couldn’t think straight, and having no lunch of my own I just ended up stealing food. 
Did the group home not provide any meals?
Ha, I mean seriously! Next time someone steals from me, I think I shall offer to rub his feet and prepare a lobster dinner.
This is exactly what I was going to say.
Agreed. Having a dog shit into food, and then placing it in a shared fridge is bad no matter how you slice it. Still, the mental image is hilarious!
Whose lunch will you be going out for?
I jest, I jest. Like everyone else, I’m eagerly awaiting the results of your thief trap.
Wow, how does the thief not get caught microwaving it in the kitchen? I would never have stolen something frozen…I only swiped ready-to eat stuff like sandwiches, yogurts, cookies, string cheese, etc.
Yeah that would be mortifying and may have stopped my stealing from actual lunch bags. But lots of people leave single items like V8, yogurts, string cheese just laying out. Also, how would the legit owner of the lunch not get this staining powder on their own hands? What if they forgot and just reached in their bag for a snack?
Honestly, I don’t recall. This was over 25 years ago. I vaguely recall we were not allowed to have any food in our rooms, or remove food from the dining hall. So maybe not, I just don’t remember.