I worked in a mall food court in high school, so I know it’s a pain, but…
If you’re open, you’re open! Don’t start cleaning and closing up if you’re open, and then get pissed that a customer wants to gasp give you money during your stated hours of operation! If you want to go home at a certain time, close your doors five minutes or half an hour earlier, then clean. Don’t pretend that you’re open when you’re really not.
Whoa, it’s an LV simulpost. 
Hmmm…
I think I must pit delis and other restaurants who clean their kitchens and put away the food while people are still in the restaurant eating and the door is still unlocked and the “Open” sign is up, and expect ME to somehow telepathically figure out that even though the place LOOKS open that in reality the kitchen is CLOSED and I should not order anything.
Like Dung Beetle that was the first thing I thought of. However, you forgot one facet. It has to have the requisite “bug fart” muffler. And the engine has to be revved to 5000 RPM at all times for maximum effect. These people are the reason I don’t keep my gun loaded when I’m in the car.
OK, here’s my list:
[ol]
[li]Roger Clemens (traitor!)[/li][li]People who honk their horns and flail their arms around when they are behind me on the highway, and I am already doing at least 70 in a 55mph zone, but they still can’t pass – listen, jackass, don’t you think I would go faster if I could? Don’t make me get the nuclear land torpedos, m’kay?[/li][li]The jerkass motherfucker who keeps stealing my lunch out of the group fridge, even though I clearly put my name on every. little. thing. including the individual Jello cups – die, bitch, I mean it![/li][li]That creepy jerk who is standing outside the Wawa every day, no matter what time I pull in - he doesn’t do anything, but he’s icky, and I’m sure he’s up to something.[/li][/ol]
Going to hell, if there is any justice at all:
Model-thin women (or thin gay men, for that matter) who daintily nibble one bite of a dessert off of a companion’s plate and then say, “Oh, I am surely going to hell for this! Tee hee!”
Lest you think I’m size-bashing: I’m thin too, but I’m not a schmuck about it.
The assmunch IT guy who stood in the doorway of my office this morning staring at me as I was talking on the phone, to a point where I had to scribble a note for him to come back. Listen, douchebag, if someone is on the goddamned phone, don’t stand there drooling, move along and come back later.
The assmunch I work with who knocked on my door the other day and, upon NOT hearing me say “come in” (because I was on a call) opened the door and put an extremely unimportant and insignificant document on my desk. Fuckface, if you don’t hear someone clearly say “come in” DON’T OPEN THE MOTHERFUCKING DOOR.
The assmunch in front of me on the highway entrance ramp this morning. It’s one of those long ramps, the kind where you can actually get up to speed. That fucker was driving 20 MPH.
Kevin. 'nuff said.
Thank you, Kyla, I feel much better for having gotten that shit off my chest.
Anyone who passes up an opportunity to brew a fresh pot of coffee. There are three coffee urns in the kitchen (plus something that looks vaguely like a coffee urn but has an orange ring at the top). It is not possible for a mad rush of personnel to empty all of them simultaneously and for NOT ONE person have the thirty seconds to spare that setting one of the newly-emptied urns on the brewing machine. Ya :wally es.
People who remove the caffeine from a coffee bean before preparing the bean for brewing. Coffee is a DRUG, understand? How would you llike it if I removed the opiates from your heroin before you got an opportunity to inject it?
People who create MILD cheddar cheese. It’s CHEESE fercryinoutloud. It’s supposed to taste CHEESY.
I’ve used a similar tactic when I was working at Starbucks and people would come up to the counter while still yapping on their cel phones. I would immediately say “Oh, don’t let me interrupt!” and either take the order of the next person in line or go find something to clean.
Oh, well they’re going to burn even deeper, here, then…
In my office, there’s one coffeepot, with a sign next to it that reads “If you take the last cup, brew a new pot.”
So what do 90% of the coffee drinkers do? Wait until they smell a fresh pot brewing, and then rush to the pot to grab a cup, often before the brew cycle even finishes. They leave 4 oz in the bottom of the pot, just to claim they didn’t take the “last cup.” In short order, this 4 oz becomes 2 oz of acidic sludge. And of course, no one who makes the coffee ever sees the people who take the coffee… the takers are sly devils who make sure they don’t get seen.
I, on the other hand, prefer to make a fresh pot to get a fresh cup. So upon finding the toxic 2 oz, I will swish out the pot, rinse the basket, filter water, scoop coffee, etc., and start brewing.
And if I don’t stand there and guard the coffeepot, I will not get a cup. If I get called away, or my phone rings, and I don’t make it back to the coffeepot within 5 minutes, the fresh pot of coffee is gone.
Fucking bastards! Rot in hell, and boil in a sea of 180° Maxwell House decaf for eternity!
Oh, and the other person who can rot in hell is the fucktard who drives around my neighborhood all goddamn day with his ice cream truck playing that annoying Turkey in the Straw/Pop Goes the Weasel medley punctuated by that cringe-inducing, saccharine “Hello!” I cannot enjoy a nice day outdoors without listening to your fucking marketing siren all fucking day… go the fuck away!
No can do, I’m just a lowly employee. Knowing my company, I would be in pretty big trouble if I was a manager and did this. Yes, I know our customers aren’t trying to annoy us and they have every right to shop there, but that doesn’t stop it from irritating us. We’re supposed to start breaking things down and cleaning up for the night at 7:00 or so, and close at 10:00. I’m just venting, and this is the place to do it. So with having said that, let 'em burn 
.
The freakin’ disorganized dipshit I’m forced to work with. Thank G-d the project will be mostly over on Saturday and if I can figure out what to do with the teeth I can kill him then. I should have killed him months ago when fewer people were aware of how insane I’ve become.
This is something I’ve never understood. There are always Pit threads about it, and now I’m asking for an explanation. I’m not yelling, or singling you out, I’m just looking for clarification.
If a food-serving establishment is open for business until 10:00 p.m., why do you start breaking things down and cleaning up and putting food away at 7:00 p.m.?
If you’re open for business till 10:00, customers should be able to come in at 9:50 and get food. Granted, if it’s a sit-down place, I can see saying, “After 9:00, all food is on carry-out basis” because I know you do’t want people hanging around forever, but starting to close up three hours before closing is a little much.
Just because you close for business at 10:00 doesn’t necessarily mean you get to go home at 10:00.
I’ve never worked in food service, but I’ve worked in retail. We were never allowed to close out registers or vacuum or put stuff away or anything like that until we were actually closed.
I worked in a jewelry store for a few years, and all the jewelry had to be put in a vault overnight. If we had started putting it away at 6:00 (we closed at 9:00), do you know how much business we would have lost?
We waited till 9:00, or until all the customers had left the store, and then put it away. Sometimes it was 9:30 or 9:40 before we got out of there.
Umm… some people do knock on doors to see whether anyone’s in there. If your door doesn’t have a window, how do they know you’re not answering because you’re not there? If you door does have a window, please excuse my question.
I’m another one who wants to see the people who have those hugely loud stereos and need to share their music selections with you, as well as those with tomato can mufflers sent to a special place of punishment. But giving them bagpipes, even with noseflutes, is too good for 'em. If you want to REALLY punish them, make 'em listen to Shostakovich. (While they’re gagged, of course, so they can’t ruin the performance for the rest of us.)
I would like to see the people on eBay who offer bootleg DVD’s an VCD’s for sale as imports to be sent to a special little corner of Hell, with steam piping going through their cell, leaking, no insulation, humidity at about 95%, oh, and lots of little stinging demons that are the size of red ants. Give them the chance to buy a key that lets them out of their little cell, and a baaaad dial-up internet connection to Hell-Bay, and then watch them try to figure out which of the ‘cell key for freedom’ listings are the one they REALLY want, and which are cleverly worded fakes.
To get the employees off the clock as quickly as possible, thereby reducing the amount of time you have to pay for.
At least, that was what the manager of a burger king told me when I worked there, about 12 years ago.
Another vote for the people who think everyone should be subjected to their music at a volume that makes their eardrums bleed. When I am lying on a floormat at 3:00 a.m. on a freezing cold winter’s morning with my windows closed and two quilts on top of me and you wake with me with your freaking car stereo, I have to wonder how loud it’s playing.
Also, churches who decide you need gospel music until 11:00 at night are also on my list. You can’t call the police about the church being too loud and get much action.
The guy yesterday in the old blue van who used the left-turn lane to pass me and 2 people behind me so he could pull in the open space I left between my car & the one in front of me in order to comply with the street sign immediately to my right which read “Do not block driveway.” Goat-fucker.
Certain cyclists. In particular, the cyclists who trundle along the bus lanes at a leisurely pace, oblivious both to the queue of buses building up behind them, and to the clearly marked frigging cycle path six feet to their left. Extra pitchforks and barbecue sauce for the ones who suddenly turn off without indicating, mowing down the odd pedestrian as they do so.
(There are, of course, responsible and sensible cyclists who obey the rules of the road and show respect for other road users. I think I even saw one, once.)
Those special people who cross the street any old where and expect you to stop and let them pass. I mean, they don’t look left or right, they just step out into the road because they know you and all the other drivers will stop and let their sorry ass slowly amble to the other side.
Oh, and there’s a special circle in Hell for people who create computer viruses. Oh, man, the violent fantasies I’ve had . .
People who do big gobs that drip out of their mouths when they try to expel them.
In fact, anyone who spits and isn’t on a sports field.