People who can't let things go, you are the reason people lie.

So I’m discovering this whole lying thing. It’s great. It gets people to go away without questions asked, and saves you the stress of having to say mean things. Now I don’t *like *doing it, and am pretty sure people see through me when I try because I suck at it so much, but it’s very handy and I reckon I’ll get better at it with more practice.

Okay, so pretend, say, you don’t want a second date with a guy. Instead of just fucking letting it go like a normal person, the guy has to ask why. Oh, for fuck’s… Because, I just don’t feel any chemsitry, okay? “Why?” Um, because I guess you’re not really my type. “Well, what is your type?” I, uhh, I really don’t know, it’s pretty broad. “So then?” So then you’re not it. “Well how can you be so sure I’m not your type if you can’t define what your type is?” Um, well, I guess I can sort of. I dunno, swarthy and funny. “I’m plenty funny.” Oh, for fucking god’s sake, I’m not into you because I’m racist, don’t like white men, I’m also divorced and realize I’m not ready for a relationship, and uhh, what else, I’m also have herpes and three children. There. Are we done? Does this end this asinine line of questioning?

Or, let’s say you don’t want to hang out on a Friday night. No reason, you just want to stay in, so you say Friday won’t work and propose another day. “Oh? What do you have going on?” Well, I’ve gotta run some errands, and then I’ll probably be tired afterward. “Oh, dude, you’re good. We can make it a late evening, give you some time to relax.” No, I’d rather just – “No, it’s no big deal. We can meet at maybe 10.” Oh my fucking god, I can’t make it because that night I’m executing my plot to assassinate the president, and if you come with you’ll be sent to Gitmo too.

Jesus Harold Christ, if someone proposes a new date, just agree to it or not. Why, oh WHY, can’t people just let it go?

Now I just make shit up. If you want to know why I don’t want to go on second date, it’s because oh, I briefly considered being one of those AIDS spreader people, but decided against it. Why don’t I want to go out on a Friday night with you? Because my mother just died. There. I’m done being honest with you people.

Ay yi yi.

This is why I always said, Holden Caulfield is an idiot, 'cause fakeness makes the world go 'round without me stabbing anyone in the face.

You’re just now discovering this?

Oh, I’m MeanOldLady, and I’m just soooo popular that I have to lie to my friends and suitors to get them to leave me alone.

Sneak braggart, j’accuse!

If everyone would learn to ask outright and take “no” for an answer, the world would run a lot smoother.

You want to hang out Friday night.

You want to go out Friday night

Oh please! Oh goddamn please! I pretty recently moved to this horrible place called Chicago and don’t have a shitload of friends (I’ve actually been here over a year, but plan on using this new in town excuse until I die), but the people I do meet seem to be highly fucking annoying. I swear to gods, all I want is a date to say “Okay” after a rejection, and that’s it. Actually, I’d really prefer to meet someone cool, but since I’ve given up on that, I’ll be happy to meet someone who can just accept no without all the bullshit.

And no, people not being able to let things go isn’t new, but this has ramped up by about 1,000% in recent times. I’m not sure if I’m growing increasingly impatient and irritable in my old age, or if everyone else is just getting douchier. I thankfully only have one friend who is this needy, but it seems like every guy I meet is a little fucking child who can’t accept no. I swear my default position from now on is lies. I just… I just can’t risk honesty anymore.

And to think I used to pride myself on not telling white lies!

Yeah, this is kind of fresh on the brain. Kinda ranty right now.

And not just in dating/casual social situations. It seems that every time I say “no”, I’m always pressed for a reason. I get asked for my email address. I have to say no, and then I have to say no again, and then I have to say that I just don’t give it out unless I want to be contacted. Yes, I have a couple of spamcatcher addresses, but I have no intention of encouraging this sort of thing.

Hey, I’m the least popular bastard around, and I still have to deal with this. She’s right; people just won’t let things go. MOL’s probably more congenial than me–she’s taken up lying to spare people’s feelings. I’ve just learned to hate the human race.

The latter, most likely. As your handle suggests (and I think I know you well enough now that you won’t take much offense to this), you’re not a 19-year-old nubile lamb anymore. Back in the day, you were dating young guys playing the field; if they got turned down, NBD. A big proportion of women in their peer group were single, so they just moved on. For folks out of their 20s, the dating field is drastically narrower. Every date (or line to one) represents a much larger investment in a much smaller pool of opportunity. When you turn down a guy, he realizes that it might take him weeks to find another single woman with whom he has basic compatibility, so he’ll fight for his chance–he won’t let it go as you’d like. Ergo, you get put in an uncomfortable situation.

And, yeah, it sucks. Sorry, mate.

Looks like someone never learned the “Handy Clause”. When you reject a guy and he says, “But whhhhhhyyyyyyyyyyyyy?” you’re supposed to invoke the Handy Clause. Which is as states:

Every guy knows and accepts this clause.

So THAT’s why the dude at the bus station wouldn’t leave me alone!

Just wait until you are MeanOldLadyWhoIsActuallyOld, and you have to start lying to your MOTHER, because she is, I don’t know, getting cranky and set in her ways and it’s tons easier just to lie right out of the gate than to listen to her querulous voice talk about the suffering she goes through on your behalf.

When I visit my mom, there is this family-owned greasy spoon down near the highway, and I ate there about a million times when I was in high school and yes, I know that the food is terrible and it’s not particularly sanitary, but every once in a while, when I am visiting the town where I grew up, I get a hankering for a greasy burger and some of their fries (which, I’m sorry, still taste awesome to me, even though I can see with my own eyes that they are coming from a cesspit of a kitchen) … and has become, for reasons I don’t understand, so upsetting to my mother … more than global warming, endangered animals, white slavery, the closing of Syms or 9/11.

I have occasionally eaten two dinners because I was already lying about having been to the diner and then got stuck in the “oh no, I haven’t eaten yet” trap.

Sometimes I ask myself “WTF am I an adult who is lying about eating French fries?” but then I realize the answer is “because it’s a hell of a lot easier than *not *lying about it.”

I’m sorry. It’s just that I know we’re meant to be together forever, just like the dream told me. In time, you’ll come to see I’m right.

Those pesky first-world problems.

Ugh. This is sadly my theory too. I wish it were me, because then I could just tell myself to simmer down, but if it’s everyone else, I’m fucked. But yeah, there is nothing worse than a 38 year old Midwestern man who just spent six years living with some woman, but didn’t get married, and now is miffed that time’s a wastin’ and his dating pool is getting thinner, plus he was supposed to have been married 10 years ago like everyone else in flyover country, and every woman might be The Right Opportunity at last, so he just cannot. let. it go.

Dudes, chill. Seriously, why the fuck would you want to lock down someone who doesn’t like you, anyway? What is up with your self esteem? I think I’m going to ask that, actually. “Dude, what the hell is wrong with you, and how little did your mother love you that you’re still trying to badger someone who doesn’t even like you into another date?” I’m dying to know.

Also, I have never, ever, friendwise or datewise, further question someone who told me a specific day/time didn’t work. If I ask my friend to go bowling me with me on Saturday, and she said no can do and proposed next weekend instead, okay. Not going to third degree her on what she’s doing. Because I’m not an asshole.

No. :slight_smile:

Oh, and delph, this makes me laugh because I just yesterday got into a conversation with a friend about how sad it is that I still, as an adult of sorts, bend over backwards to make my mother happy. When is this going to end?

tapu, I will kill you. Not even kidding.


As far as I can tell, the answer is “when one of you is in the ground” and frankly, I’m not even sure it ends then.

there is such a thing as a “social lie” - it’s not only OK to do, it’s a skill that people ought to teach their kids.

paraphrasing here, but there is a book about manners called I Try To Behave Myself that I really love (decades old) and on this subject the author says she had a daughter who she was afraid wouldn’t tell a neighbour their house was on fire for fear of hurting their feelings.

also, I read somewhere that “no” is a complete sentence. just because someone keeps asking doesn’t mean you have to tell them the truth or make something up.

you can, in theory, just say no and refuse to elaborate. not saying it’s easy or that I can do it. :rolleyes:

I find hissing like a rabid, feral racoon usually does the trick:

“Hey man, wanna hit the bar after this?”

“Naw, I’m pretty beat. Gonna head home.”

“Aww, c’mon man, it’s only ten o’cl–”


“. . .”

cmyk, you’ve got moxie, and I like that in a man holding a rabid, feral raccoon.