People who don't listen to what you say

I work inside at a courier service, every now and then someone will call in a job and they will say that we will be picking up a box. When we ask them how big it is (so we can tell the couriers what to expect) we usually get this conversation.
Me: so how big is that box?
Stupid Person: oh I don’t know… 8x10
Me: and the other dimension?
SP: 8x10
Me: ok…it’s 8 inches long, 10 inches wide, and…
SP: (getting confused) I said it’s 8x10

or another one is…
Me: is the package ready now?
SP: yes it is.
ME: ok thank you…
SP: could the courier pick it up 45 minutes from now.

etc. Why don’t people listen to what you have to say before they try to answer you.

Because if you don’t put axle grease on it it won’t slide in properly.

It’s a daily occurance with me as well. We have several 800 numbers, and one of them apparently used to belong to a Canadian insurance company.

me: Gdi
Caller: Hi, I need to talk to someone about my policy.
Me: I’m sorry sir, you have the right phone number, wrong company, there’s been a mixup and I’m afraid I don’t know the number for your insurance company. I can’t help you. Try calling Toronto information.
Caller: This is the number they have on the paper they sent.
me: I know, but it’s wrong. I’m in Los Angeles and I have nothing to do with your insurance, ok?
caller: So you can’t help with my claim?
me: No, I thought I made that clear. I HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR INSURANCE COMPANY. THERE HAS BEEN AN ERROR AND YOU HAVE THE WRONG NUMBER. CAN YOU FUCK OFF NOW YOU STUPID FOOL, SINCE THIS CALL IS COSTING ME MONEY? (I don’t really say that last part, but I have been known to think it.)

stoid

hm?

could you repeat that?

I got distracted.
goes back to chatting on her cell phone

That was not Jera.

That was me.

After letting Jera use my computer.

sigh.

I think many times, people run scripts inside their heads. It saves the processing power involved in paying attention, thus freeing up the ability to say more things with greater speed. The downside happens when they start talking to those scripts instead of to the actual other person.

The full hilarity effect happens when everyone involved is talking at their scripts instead of each other. This is usually highlighted in televised political debates.

Gawd, we get this a lot, too. Our office is the “home” of computer support. They support our office plus another 100 or so people in another building. We have the same phone number–it’s a weird organizational artifact from an earlier time. It’s been this way for over ten years. Everyone who uses them for computer support knows this. And they get two email reminders a year, just to make sure. We love the computer people, so it’s no problem…EXCEPT when people call and the receptionist is out and one of us non-computer people gets the phone.

Me: Office of Widgets & Warts!
Caller: My god, it’s locked up on me!
Me: You mean your computer. You want to speak to computer support? Hang on!
(I buzz computer support)
Sorry, they seem to be out. They must all be over in your building. Do you want me to take a message?
Caller: I just pushed this thing in Excel, and it froze.
Me: Right. Well, I don’t have anything to do with computers, of course, so why don’t I just take a message.
Caller: Did it save before I did this?
Me: I really wouldn’t know. What’s your number, and I’ll have them call you.
Caller: So they’re not there? Do you know where they are?
Me: No, I don’t have GPS on them. (okay, I think this, I don’t say it)
Caller: Do you know how long they’ll be?
Me: That’s impossible to say. I have no idea. They’re out on another service call. They always check their messages when they get back.
Caller: So how do I get my computer unfroze?
Me: As I said, we’re widgets and warts, we don’t do computer support. The computer support people share this phone line and they are not here right now. All I can do is take a message.
Caller: But I think I lost this report!
Me: ARGH! pounding head on desk

The kicker is, one time my coworker went through all this with someone over in the other building, and finally in exasperation said she’d try to help her as best she could over the phone. So she set aside her own work to patiently try to work through the problem with the ungrateful caller. It was a thorny one, and at one point the caller said “THIS ISN’T HELPING!” and hung up on her.

People don’t listen to what you’re saying because the only voice they want to hear is the most important one in the world, theirs. When you are talking, they are running the conversation in their heads of what they want to say when you finally stop making noise so that they can get back to hearing the most important sound in the world. Of course, I’m only guessing at this because it never happens to me in real life or on message boards or anything. No, really. Never, ever happens to me.

[Simpsons mode]
Marge: You’re not listening! You’re only hearing what you want to hear.
Homer: Thanks. An omelette would be great right now.
[/Simpsons mode]

Seriously, I think some people just can’t disconnect their desires from reality. My computer’s broken and I need help, therefore the person I’m talking to on tech support must be capable of providing it, or else I’ll be really screwed. I need to talk to an insurance agent, therefore I must have dialed the right number, despite the numerous protestations of the person on the other end of the phone.

The best revenge for these types of things is to make a favorite urban legend of mine come true. Explain once that you are not an insurance agent and the person has the wrong number. If he doesn’t listen, proceed to help him. Tell him that you’ve renewed his policy, filed the claim, whatever he wants. After the call is finished, sit back confident in your knowledge that the caller has been totally screwed over by his own stupidity.

A couple of years ago the area code for tne central part of Minnesota was 612, and the area code for northern MN was … um… something else.

There is/was a resort in Grand Marais with the same phone number as my grandfather’s, sans area code.

We’d answer the phone with our last name and listen to the callers struggle.

“I’m … um … trying to make a reservation for the week of …”

“I’m sorry - you’ve dialed the wrong area code. Give (other area code) a try.”

“But I dialed (wrong number)!!!”

“Yes, I know what number you dialed. Try calling (other area code) instead.”

“But I’m only trying to make a reservation for the week of …”

“One moment, sir. Let me write that down …”

And we’d take the reservation :smiley:

I used to work at an animal hospital, I had to do phone duty sometimes (which was fine with me). The office had appointment hours from 9-11:30 AM, then we did surgery in the afternoon, then we started evening appoinment hours from 5-7:00 PM. And it was inevitable, we’d get the call every couple days:

me: “Animal Hospital.”

caller: “I’d like to make an appointment for my dog to get vaccinated.”

me: “Okay, would you like the morning or an evening time?”

caller: “Afternoon.”

AAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGH!!! I always wanted to say, “DIDN’T you just HEAR what I said? Were you LISTENING?”

Then sometimes the call would go on from there:

me: “I’m sorry, we don’t have afternoon appointments.”

caller: “You don’t? Why not? Two o’clock is the only time I can bring Fluffy in.”

me: “The doctor does surgery in the afternoon, that’s why we don’t have appointments.”

caller: “Oh. Give me an evening time then, I’ll get my husband to bring the dog over.”

I think a lot of times in that case, people just assumed that we would take them when it was convenient for them, because I know that some vet hospitals have walk-in only appointments, and they already had a set time in their mind. Also I think that some people didn’t take us seriously, that it was “only” an animal doctor, we weren’t as busy as a human doctor’s office, we jsut sat around and played with the animals all day. We took x-rays, performed bloodwork, and the surgeries were the same (a spay is an oviariohysterectomy). A lot of the medications we prescribed were even the same- Amoxicillin, Prednisone, etc. Working with the animals was fun and interesting, but it was dealing with the pet owners (and the general public) that finally got to me, and I eventually quit.

I used to work at an animal hospital, I had to do phone duty sometimes (which was fine with me). The office had appointment hours from 9-11:30 AM, then we did surgery in the afternoon, then we started evening appoinment hours from 5-7:00 PM. And it was inevitable, we’d get the call every couple days:

me: “Animal Hospital.”

caller: “I’d like to make an appointment for my dog to get vaccinated.”

me: “Okay, would you like the morning or an evening time?”

caller: “Afternoon.”

AAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGH!!! I always wanted to say, “DIDN’T you just HEAR what I said? Were you LISTENING?”

Then sometimes the call would go on from there:

me: “I’m sorry, we don’t have afternoon appointments.”

caller: “You don’t? Why not? Two o’clock is the only time I can bring Fluffy in.”

me: “The doctor does surgery in the afternoon, that’s why we don’t have appointments.”

caller: “Oh. Give me an evening time then, I’ll get my husband to bring the dog over.”

I think a lot of times in that case, people just assumed that we would take them when it was convenient for them, because I know that some vet hospitals have walk-in only appointments, and they already had a set time in their mind. Also I think that some people didn’t take us seriously, that it was “only” an animal doctor, we weren’t as busy as a human doctor’s office, we jsut sat around and played with the animals all day. We took x-rays, performed bloodwork, and the surgeries were the same (a spay is an ovariohysterectomy). A lot of the medications we prescribed were even the same- Amoxicillin, Prednisone, etc. Working with the animals was fun and interesting, but it was dealing with the pet owners (and the general public) that finally got to me, and I eventually quit.

Damnit Moggy,

Were you listening when straight dope told you your message was posted? You know, you wouldn’t double post if you stopped listening to the script inside your head and paid attention to the screen. Sheesh!

Kidding…kidding…

This is a major pet peeve of mine. People who actually impose on you to do them the courtesy of answering a question, and then persistently ignore your response while asking the same question repeatedly.

Sister at family dinner: “Dijon, would you like some (urp) boiled zucchini?” (Who in the world came up with that idea, anyway?)
Me: “No, thanks.”
Sister: “Are you sure?”
Me: :confused: “Yes, I’m sure.”
Sister: “It’s really good.”
Me: I’m sure it is, but I don’t care for any, thank you."
Sister: “Just hand your plate over here and I’ll give you some.”
Me: :rolleyes: “I do not want any, thanks.”
Sister: “Hurry up and give me your plate, it’s dripping on the table.” (having speared a large amorphous mass of this vile concoction on her fork and holding it out to me.)
Me: I said I don’t want any. Thank you."
Sister: “Not even just a small piece?”
Me: “No. None.”
Sister: “It won’t hurt you to eat a little.”
Me: “Doesn’t matter. Don’t want any.”
Sister: “But everybody else is eating some.”
Me: “I fail to see what that has to do with anything.”
Sister: “So you’re sure you don’t want any?”
Me: :mad: “What syllable of “NO” is escaping you?”

About this point my dad starts barking at me for being rude at the dinner table, and Dijon goes home. Thus ends another lovely family gathering. Now their big complaint is that I don’t visit enough. Imagine that.

Preach it, brother. I don’t mind visiting my parents, but if my sisters are there, then I find an excuse to leave as soon as I can.

Dijon, I’m in the same situation with my girlfriend. I’ve only survived this long by learning that when she says “Don’t you want some X?” It means “I want some X, and I want you to get it for me.” Anything else and I get buried underneath a barrage of “Are you sure?”, “Wouldn’t you like some?” ,“Really?”, etc.

–sublight.

Poddy: I’d like a number two combo, medium size, with a Coke, to go.
Counter person: Pushes button, producing a beep. What size?
Poddy: Medium.
Counter person: Pushes button, producing a beep. And what would you like to drink?
Poddy: Coke
Counter person: Pushes button, producing a beep. For here or to go?
Poddy: To go
Counter person: Pushes button, producing a beep. Will that be all?
Poddy: Yes.
Counter person: Pushes button, producing a beep. Your total is . . .
sigh

I caught an episode of Millionaire* the other day, and noticed that conestants now say, “I’ll choose c: Underwear lint, and that’s my final answer.” And good ol’ Reg actually believes them. What a fuckin’ relief.