Well, in my home the comfort of the guest is paramount. Wanna go barefoot? Fine. Wanna wear your hobnailed jackboots? Knock yerself out.
You paid me a visit and I want you to enjoy yourself.
When I’m the visitor, I’ll cheerfully follow all the house rules, up to but definately NOT including the anal probe.
My thought exactly - not only is there snow in the treads, that nasty, slushy stuff mixed with dirt … there is also usually a healthy dollop of salt mixed in (salt is used to melt ice up here). Obviously, you can’t go around tracking this stuff through someone’s house, and no amount of cleaning in the hall is going to remove it - it just isn’t possible to do so while wearing the boots in question.
Six months of this will get most people to be “boots off” people by default.
Interesting thread.
This has galled me for years. I can’t understand why any host would ask a guest to do anything. As I understand the traditional guest/host relationship, the host treats the guest like royalty. There are no requirements, duties to perform, “rules of my house,” etc. That’s just plain rude, and I think you’ll find it goes against thousands of years of etiquette tradition across cultures.
The host must not require a guest to do anything. Now, that said, if you’ve got a guest that insists on doing nasty, irritating things in your house, like chain-smoking nasty cigarettes when no one else smokes, or damaging your property, then you need to examine your guest list and consider crossing that person off. But when someone is a guest in your home, they shall not be required to do anything, and you shall bend over backwards to make them comfortable.
Now, does anyone disagree? Does anyone think it’s okay to present a guest with a list of requirements and rules? I’d be interested to know if this breaks along north/south “cultural” lines as well.
BTW, I’m a Northerner.
Well, I often require guests to smoke on the balcony; I’m a smoker myself, but I live in a duplex above my landlords (an elderly couple of whom I am very fond) who are sensitive to tobacco smoke. We share a common set of vents. I also won’t play loud music late, even if the guest wants loud music, so as not to irritate them. I would most certainly ask guests to remove their slushy, salty boots, so as not to ruin my Persian carpets - although I have never had to.
Am I unreasonable in this?
I would not ask my guests to take off their shoes, but I like it when they do. It tells me 1) they have respect for my home, and 2) they feel comfortable enough in my home to prance around socked.
All warm and fuzzy things.
I’m from North Carolina, and on my block we had Indian immigrants (from India). Us 4 and 5 year olds could not enter their house without taking off our shoes. I remember this startling me upon my first visit, but upon pain of authority, I compiled.
One of the kids on the block became very close friends with these neighbors. He began taking off his shoes whenever he entered his home. Because he’d been conditioned? Because he thought it was cool? Who knows, but his parents eventually showed suit, I think to show respect and understanding to their son’s preferences.
These are truck-driving, hunting and fishing, thickly-accented temperate climate Southern folks, and while they don’t expect strangers to take off their shoes, anyone who knows them personally not walk past the pile of shoes at the back door without making a contribution.
So, it is a cultural thing for me, with a lot of give and take. Between that situation and my stepwhore’s home (shoes off as not to scar her precious carpet), I feel extremely comfortable wearing shoes inside, but I would never take my shoes off without some sort of prompt, because it does seem a little intrusive. However, I always disrespectful if I’ve left my shoes on, because of how I was raised.
Of course that’s not unreasonable, Malthus. On the flip side, I’ve been invited to smoke in non-smokers’ homes, but declined. They were being good hosts, and I was being a good guest.
Anyone with a list of requirements and rules would probably prefer to not have guests at all.
Anyway, it’s a two-way street. I can’t imagine being presented with a list of rules as a guest. I’ve never experienced that, personally. But there are certain things a good guest OR host will do that obviously differ regionally and culturally.
I am well familar with the nasty slushy stuff - which is why you wear boots and carry your shoes. Or wear galoshes. I wouldn’t dream of wearing mucky snowy Uggs on someone’s white carpet. And I’d think you were raised in a barn if you wore yours on mine. But at the same time, guests should be comfortable and dressed appropriately for your event. If women wear cocktail dresses and then are required to run around in their stocking feet, that isn’t fair.
There is a difference between removing your snow boots at the door (or galoshes) and removing your Enzo pumps - even in a Minnesota winter.
You 'Murkins are making taking your shoes off sound like removing your skin at the door. Honest, it’s not that hard, especially when you’ve been raised with it since birth. As for people who can’t take shoes off, they would be accommodated, no question. If they were raised here, they probably would have a rubber thingy to go over the shoe (s) in question that can be easily removed at the door. If not that, then I would help a guest clean or remove their shoes myself, as part of my role as hostess.
As for getting wet and muddy, walking down a cleaned sidewalk will get your shoes wet on the bottom. And it just gets worse from there. It doesn’t have to be particularly mucky out for winter shoes to get dirty and wet.
As for the comfort of guests, guests would be a lot more uncomfortable if some took their boots off and some left them on. The sockfooted folk would all get wet feet. Everyone takes their boots off at the door, and no one gets wet feet. As for shoes getting wrecked at the door by this, we try very hard not to trample on other people’s shoes or boots. This is an etiquette thing here.
CheekyMonkey, you’re right about people coming in and leaving their shoes on. I never thought about it like that before, but people who aren’t staying keep their shoes on, and stay by the door. It is kind of intimate for all your guests to be walking around in stockinged feet. Maybe Canadians aren’t as standoffish as other cultures assume - maybe we like looking at each other’s feet.
On a related note, why do people install white or cream-colored carpet in their homes? The investment in carpet cleaning equipment and materials and the amount of obsession over what dirt might be deposited on said carpet in the course of normal living must be a) expensive, and b) exhausting.
Must be those long winters with nothing to do.
Absolutely! As a matter of fact, I remember back in December 1995, Esso (gas station related to Exxon) was giving away “shoebags” in different holiday motifs, with every fill-up. These were specifically made to bring your “clean shoes” when you are a guest in someone’s house. People used them way past the holidays. In the summer, I would see people with their little red & green bags.
I want to note that when I’m having a party, I really don’t care if people wear their shoes. I know full-well that I’ll wake up the next morning and do a scrub down of the whole place. When we’re in “party mode”, I barely have an issue with anything. Spill red wine on my antique lace tablecloth? WHO CARES? Go for it. If I can get the stain out, fine. If not, oh well. At least you had a good time.
Well, the trend hasn’t made its way down to Melbourne. My Barbaric Melbournian, the love of my life, takes his shoes off and leaves them next to the bed. Drives me INSANE. Part of it is also that I end up tripping over his size 13s. But we’ve had a chat about it :). Won’t be happening in our new home.
I did notice. I appreciated the humour. I almost commented on it. I just wasn’t sure if I should say another word in this thread, for fear of people thinking I cared more about my floors than my guests, and for fear of me being thought of as asympathetic towards diabetics. (BTW… Been quite often in 2 diabetics’ homes. No shoes. Even them.) Plus, I was wondering how Thudlow Boink knew about my “period panties”. :o
Ya know … I think I’m the “same kind of insulted” as when a man doesn’t take his socks off to have sex with me. Just looks like he’s one step closer to the door once he’s done.
Mi Casa Es Su Casa. Please, come in. Just like I would expect a friend of mine to open the fridge door to see if there’s anything interesting to nibble on. Those same friends, at the end of the day, are the ones I’m insulted by. Kinda like if you’re Jerry Seinfeld: George, Elaine and Kramer would have no problem going in the fridge. So please, make yourself at home and take your shoes off. The more I think of it, I’m only peeved about the dirt part right after I clean the floors. Until now, I didn’t really examine what bothers me. I retract the idea that it’s cleanliness. 90% of the time, it isn’t. Like I said, I have no problems going outside barefoot and coming back in my apartment. Plus I have 4 kitties who all use a litter box. It’s not that. Nice to see my own rant made me think deeper.
You’re absolutely right. And in my personal development, through this post, I realize it’s not really the cleanliness bit. It is, to a certain extent. But my friends know the dif between my “lived in” look and my “spotless” look. But it’s not up to them to notice that when they come in the door. It’s my fault. And I’ll suck up the shivers I get up my back, rather than to be so rude as to ask them to take their shoes off.
I think the cleanliness part and my frustration with it, comes down to something I mentioned in the OP. I don’t just mop the floors. I sweep them. Swifter them. Scrub them on all fours with my Cinderella brush. Then I rinse them with a damp mop (from clean water, not my soapy water). A lot of effort goes into this, so when you track your dirty shoes through my place, after my labour of love for my home, I’m miffed.
I want to underline here: I NEVER ask my guests to take their shoes off. I consider doing that more offensive than them keeping their shoes on. When they’re visiting from another country, I don’t really think about it. When they’re my best friends, I do. I was 24 and shared those Benwa Balls (round metal balls inserted in the vagina to build muscle) with my best friend. Of course, we cleaned them off before we swapped. But the point is, if she comes in my house and keeps her shoes on, I think, “But we were so close!”.
I don’t think I ever saw galoshes much. Taking “house shoes” (that is, wearing boots to the house, then changing into shoes) is something that I have seen people do - generally, for more formal parties; alas, most of my gatherings do not fall into that category. 
But obviously, this is acceptable. Indeed, I sometimes bring my own slippers to my friends’ places - or shoes, on the rare occasions I go to more formal parties.
There are alternatives to socks. But lacking preparation, socks are the fall-back position.
Ladies in fancy dresses taking their shoes off at the door?!?!?!? In Texas!?!?! I’ve gotta tell you, I’ve never heard of such a thing. I can’t even picture it in my mind.
Do you perhaps live in a very rural community where walking through freshly plowed or cow-pied fields is common?
Etiquette is a hobby of mine, and I tend to look at these situations through an etiquette lens… You know, What Would Miss Manners Do? Anyway, I do think there’s a difference between politely notifying a guest of house rules and “present[ing] a guest with a list of requirements and rules.” As I said before, I don’t care about shoes on my carpets one way or the other, but since my daughter was born our house has been strictly non-smoking. She was three months early, with very weak lungs and we were told – very strictly – not to allow smoking in the house because of her health. If someone starts to smoke (or, more commonly, asks permission to smoke), we say, pleasantly, “Oh, we prefer not to have cigarette smoke in the house. Here, there’s an ashtray out on the deck – I’ll keep you company while you have your smoke.” Similarly, it is very possible to keep grubby shoes off of your carpets without being as rude as the woman in my previous post. Say, “Would you mind slipping off your shoes?” By framing the request as a question, you give the guest the chance to negotiate – “Actually, you may not know that my left leg is artificial – I can’t take the shoe off without taking the leg off as well!” or “Actually, I’m diabetic and these are special shoes. My doctor wants me to wear them all the time.” or whatever. And, in these cases, of course, the host ought to respond – “Oh, never mind then! Just come in and make yourself comfortable.”
Etiquette is a thing of beauty, isn’t it?
It would absolutely never occur to me to take my shoes off uninvited in someone else’s house. Not even if there’s a big pile of shoes by the door. Of course they’re all barefoot and there’s a pile of shoes by the door; they’re at home, and most people don’t go the trouble of putting their shoes away. I, however, am NOT at home, and it would be rude and presumptuous of me to make myself at home uninvited. That means I don’t take a book into their bathroom, I don’t raid their fridge, I don’t put my feet on their furniture, and I don’t take my shoes off–unless and until my host tells me it’s okay to do these things. I certainly wouldn’t ask someone if I could do these things, as it’s also rude to put someone on the spot like that. Until someone tells me, unprompted, that it’s fine for me to take my shoes off if I want to, I’m not going to do so.
Out of curiosity, when you take your wet, slushy boots off and have to navigate the puddled foyer into the rest of the house, doesn’t that get your socks wet? Also, if you walk through the dried salt and mud and such in your socks, don’t you pick up all that crud on your socks and then track it into the house anyway? Is there somewhere to sit down while you deboot, or are you hopping around on one leg, risking a fall onto wet, muddy boots?
bnorton, my guess would be that women’s dress shoes tend to be utterly miserable torture devices, so given the opportunity, women will ditch them whenever possible. Men’s dress shoes, however, aren’t really that different from men’s casual shoes, so they tend to be more comfortable to wear.
I take my shoes off to bathe and sleep. My feet are constantly cold and no, I’m not going to take them off to “feel at home.” If you want me to feel at home, you’ll allow me to wear shoes. The only time I will spend a day without shoes is if I have a fever of epic proportions and cannot swing my legs over the side of the bed.
I would take my shoes off if a host insisted on it. Because I find shoelessness to be incredibly uncomfortable, I would not return to that host’s house.
And I definitely live in an area where we have snow, slush, mud, etc. My husband is a barefooter, though he wouldn’t even consider taking off his shoes at any house but a family member’s.
Julie
No, it feels like stripping down when your not a nudist.
I would feel distinctly uncorfortable taking off my shoes when not at home and not with close friends. In a friends home, especially on formal or semi-formal occaissions, I would in no way be OK with taking off my shoes.
Shoes are a BIG deal for women. Didn’t you ever see Sex In the City? 
There is no way those women - or most of the women I know - would dress up only to take off one of the most important accessories as soon as they got to the big event. Even for events as informal as casual business attire, the shoes can be a critically important part of the outfit.
Just as a data point, here’s what Miss Manners has to say.
(Scroll about 2/3 of the way down)
The relevant portion:
If my stepson came to visit, you definitely wouldn’t want him to take off his shoes! When he was visiting us (overnight, so he had to take them off) he would hang his shoes out the window (we lived in an apartment building.) He would also have to immediately go scrub his feet after removing his shoes. The smell was so bad you could smell it in the hallway! He had tried everything to reduce the smell…special insoles, creams, powders, you name it. I have no idea why he has such toxic feet, but it is very embarrassing to him, and I’m sure if he were just going to a party he’d rather keep his shoes on.
That’s kinda how I feel. That’s why I think it should matter who the guest is before the “rude” label gets placed on them. I would never think to take off my shoes if I’m over an aquitance’s house.
Actually, I haven’t ever seen Sex In the City. And to be honest, I don’t know any women who love dress shoes. I know a few freaks who can stand around in hells for hours without being utterly miserable, but they’re more indifferent than anything else. The women I tend to know are the type to wear satin Isotoner slippers with their wedding dresses. It’s just the way we are.