Etiquette demands that you offer non-alcoholic beverages during the move*, some sandwiches around lunchtime if the move is an all-day thing, and pizza & beer afterward. Find out beforehand whether they like pizza and beer. If not, substitute as appropriate.
When I just need a few heavy things moved, I offer to pay some young, strong dudes to give me a hand. They refuse the money. I give them pizza and beer. Since I sell cigars in my store, sometimes they’ll request a good cigar instead. Even if they accept money, I offer them beer. That’s just how it works.
** Never serve the beer during the move. Always wait until the work is done.*
It depends too on the relationship you have with the people involved, I’d say.
My husband helped a good friend move just today, and I stayed home with my kids and watched their kid for most of the day as well. The friend brought in some burgers from a great local shop at lunch, and at dinnertime I took over a lasagna with paper plates and a bottle of wine. Had I not brought dinner, I know the friend would have provided something, but I just thought it was nice to have something homemade after a hard day of work, and knew that’s not the kind of thing you can do on your first day in a new house. We’ll be having them over for dinner at least once before their appliances get delivered next week, and in the meantime I imagine they’ll be stuck resorting to pizza and takeout plenty, so something different couldn’t hurt.
That said, I know these people will be reciprocating both for the food and the move when we need help with something, so in this case I don’t think anyone is keeping score. If it was just a casual aquaintance then hell yes, I would be annoyed if there wasn’t some kind of food offered afterwards.
I haven’t read the thread, but where I come from, standard payment for helping friends move is pizza and beer (or soda), with cold water provided during the work.
Food and drink of some sort should be continuously available.
IMHO, the biggest moving faux pas is asking people to come over and help you starting at a specific time, then not having everything ready for them to get to work. The truck should be waiting outside the door, the boxes should be packed and ready to take out, and so forth.
Too often, I’ve gotten there at the appointed time, and they haven’t left to pick up the truck, and you can’t start loading the furniture when they get back with the truck because too much stuff is on the furniture that still needs to be put in boxes.
I am not a master of the social graces by any means. But not offering food and drink after a move is beyond rude to the point of being almost unfathomable. They didn’t commit a faux pas, they spit in your face. I’ve been trying to think of an etiquette breach that would be on a similar level, and I can’t think of one. It is incomprehensibly bad.
Helping someone move is asking them for a huge amount of time and physical effort. Moving sucks, and everyone knows it, and you’ve got your friends agreeing to commit to having a grueling, sucky day. The ABSOLUTE minimum is to provide water and/or gatorade during the move, and beer and pizza afterwards.
Everything should be packed up and ready to go (a good friend of mine had all of us show up at his apartment to “move” and wasn’t done PACKING and we got roped into THAT too :P) and I personally provide bottled water or pop throughout the work. Afterwards, pop and pizza.
And I would certainly remember someone who was like “thanks, go away now!” and not return to help them the next time! Good lord! Even my good friend (who is seriously one of my best friends in the world) got a pass the next time he moved after the packing incident - though we did round up to help him with the next one (college to apartment to grad school to different grad school out of state.)
I wouldn’t have considered it rude, for the simple reason that I wouldn’t have considered it at all. You ask friends to help you out with moving, you provide pizza. That goes beyond etiquette: It’s just the way the world works. One might as well ask whether it’s be impolite to fail to provide a gravitational field to hold the movers’ feet to the ground.
It would be perfectly acceptable for it to be some other food than pizza, except practically speaking, when you’ve just finished hauling boxes, neither kitchen is going to be in a fit condition for cooking, and everyone’s going to be dirty and sweaty and in no mood to go out somewhere, so pizza it is.
Actually I think this is worse than not feeding your “help” after the move. I was moving a friend once who I feared would not be packed when it came time to help him move. I reminded him months before the move to have his stuff all packed.
Ya ya he said.
We showed up and wasn’t packed. I kind of flipped out I told him I was there to help him move not pack and that he had months to get ready.
On top of that his girlfriend wanted me to clean items as well. I told her I can move it or clean it. Pick one. Won’t be helping him again.
That’s an interesting question, Skald. Even this tiny town I live in has the options of Chinese food, a great take-out burger joint, deli sandwiches, fried chicken, and so forth, but I hadn’t even considered them. Pizza & beer is the default; not sushi & sake, not tacos & tequila, not barbecue & bourbon. I’m not sure why.
We just moved in June and DH had several guys from his job come help. We bought a few pizzas and 2 liters of sodas without even thinking about it and he gave them a bit of spending money( they are teens).
My buddy (now ex-buddy) asked me to help him and his wife move. On Labor Day. Was a bit irked that I was going to give up a holiday away from my family to help him move, but did it anyway.
My house, his old house, and his new house, were *not *close to each other; each was an hour’s drive from the other. I worked my ass off all day; I carried heavy furniture up and down stairs, moved big appliances, etc. I also put over 400 miles on my truck, which does *not *get good gas mileage.
At the end of the day I was covered in sweat and dirt, and they offered me nothing – not even a glass of water. His wife did not even say “Thank you” to me; she carried next-to-nothing the entire day, and was bitching and complaining the whole time. My buddy managed to say “Thanks” as I was walking out the door to go home.
That’s an interesting question, Skald. Even this tiny town I live in has the options of Chinese food, a great take-out burger joint, deli sandwiches, fried chicken, and so forth, but I hadn’t even considered them. Pizza & beer is the default; not sushi & sake, not tacos & tequila, not barbecue & bourbon. I’m not sure why.
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Pizza isn’t necessarily most people’s first choice, but it’s more likely to be an acceptable choice to a randomly chosen group of Americans than any of those you mention. And barbecue’s likely to start a fight because some people like dry and others, wet. Pizza’s easiest to reach an agreement on.
When my daughter’s new job sent in professional movers to pack up everything she owned and move her halfway across the country, I bought them some burgers, fries, and slushes (Texas in the summer means that even in an air conditioned house, you’re gonna be hot), and I asked if they were allowed to accept beer. I got a chorus of “we could get fired for that, but we appreciate the thought”. Plus I had real lemonade available, which was greatly enjoyed. Plus Lisa gave them a tip.
When my husband and I moved from the old house to this new one last year, he employed his teenage grand nephews for labor. They got paid in cash, food, and an afternoon at PuttPutt. They requested, but did not get, an evening at Hooters.
This. She’s being cheap by a) asking friends to move her, instead of hiring someone to help, and b) not offering something afterward. This is not cool.
Was a bit irked that I was going to give up a holiday away from my family to help him move, but did it anyway.