People's Court asshattery

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Why do I watch that show? I don’t know, I guess I have a jones for the marvel of human stupidity. I’m always up for a jaw-dropping moment.

On a recent show, a woman was suing her ex-boyfriend. She made a call to the woman she accused him of cheating with. He recorded the call (paraphrased):

“I’m a woman of God! Praise Jesus! I know you fed James, and you’re fing up your children, and if I ever see you, I’ll f*** you up! Except I won’t, I’m a woman of God, and I just pray that you get your fed up ass straightened out, and I pray that your kids will turn out alright despite the fed up way you raise them! God bless your ass!”

When the guy in Times Square asked people on the street what they thought about the case, they unanimously said something like “She’s a good person. She’s a woman of God, after all, and she prayed for that woman and her kids. So she must be telling the truth.”

My brain grew a blister when I heard that.

And if that isn’t enough to amuse you, try this one on:

The plaintiff: A man of around 60, overweight and out of shape, disheveled, thick glasses, really bad toupe, and could barely walk. He had to sit throughout the case.

The defendant: A distinctly jimp, statuesque, twenty-something who could easily be a model.

The case: The plaintiff was suing the defendant, who he claimed was his girlfriend, for thousands of dollars that he “loaned” her over the years. He broke up with her because one night he called her apartment and he could hear “another man” in the background. “She’s just a slut who takes my money and then sleeps around on me.”

You can see where this is going. The judge, at this point, was pretty amused. She at long last turned to the defendant to find out what the real story was. Let’s listen in:

Judge: So, was he (referring to the plaintiff) your lover?
Defendant: No!
Judge: He wasn’t your lover?
Defendant: No way! He’s gross.
Judge: I see. You never dated him.
Defendant: Never.
Judge: This man was never your lover.
Defendant: For the last time, there was no other lover! There was no “other man”!
Judge: Huh? No, I’m not talking about the “other man”, I’m talking about the plaintiff. Did you ever date the plaintiff?
Defendant: Who, him? (Lustily) Oh yeah!

At the end of the case, when they were interviewed separately, the interviewer asked her if it was all over between them. She started to tear up, and said “I don’t know. Probably.” She was clearly still in love with the old codger.

2

I watch shows like The People’s Court (and all the other court shows), Cheaters and occasionally Jerry Springer to make me feel better about myself.

3

Is it my imagination, or is People’s Court getting better lately? It used to be nothing but boy meets girl, boy gets girl, boy leaves girl, girl claims it was a loan, boy claims it was a gift. Snoozefest. But PC now has cases like “He felched my underaged yak” and “Let’s compare festering open wounds.”

4

Mr2U and I think it is too. We watch in the afternoon up at the bar (in fact, I’m out of here in 20 minutes and heading there to watch Judge Judy :D) and everyone else who hangs with us and watches it agrees.

Did you see the one with the Landlords who had also been on her show before? Marilyn really gave them hell that time. That one was a blast…

5

I love TPC! It fills my daily requirement for idiocy (when I haven’t gotten out and about or done anything particularly stupid that day).

It never ceases to amaze me the people that come on with no defense, absolutely none at all! The other day was a woman that cashed a cheque through a friends’ account, it was one of those scams “You have won 50,000, you just need to send us 4800 which we have included in cheque form.”

Judge: So you didn’t know it was a scam?
Defendant: No, I thought it was real.
Judge: But if you thought it was real, what did you do with the 4800?
Defendant: I spent it.
Judge: So you didn’t send it in for the 50,000
Defendant: Nope
Judge: So, if you didn’t send it in you obviously didn’t think it was real then, right?

:smiley:

I like her a little more than Judge Judy, she is less quick to judge someone just because they are young or male. I do so love it when a deadbeat parent comes on though!

Did anyone see the one when a guy threatened the plantiff in Spanish b/c he didn’t know the judge spoke it?

6

A true classic. The moment I saw him, I thought “Hey, I’ve seen that guy before, and as I remember, he’s a prick.”

Stupidity on that show is rampant, but nowhere more than with Harvey’s Kids.

7

No! I wish!

What about the guy who allegedly groped the 13-year-old girl after he showed her his “acid tree”?

8

TPC is my lunchtime entertainment and “¿quien es mas macho?” has become a phrase melded in my mind just itching for the right opportunity to be said.

It’s like you almost know my Tivo. I season passed Cheaters and always fast forward to the “confrontation”.

This post encourages the renewal of temperance and virtue.

9

I like the one where they circumvent the established courts and summarily sentence people to death for their anti-Nazi leanings.

10

Quien es mas macho; pineapple, o knife?

Light bulb, o school bus?

11

Oh, I would have loved to see that. Maybe in reruns someday.

There was one a couple of years ago in which Marilyn ask the defendant something that would have proved his guilt if he answered it truthfully. In an effort to stall, he said, “I only know how to answer that in Spanish.” Marilyn got all bright and chirpy like she does when she’s going in for the kill and says, “Oh good, I grew up in Puerto Rico! I can translate for you!”

Doofus had to admit he didn’t really know any Spanish.

12

I thought she was Cuban?

13

For those of you that didn’t see it, it was brilliant. One of the defendants mutters under his breath in Spanish at the plantiff and time just stops. The judge looks at him and says
“You did not just do that in my courtroom, did you?” and reams the guy in Spanish.

It was awesome!!

I am sure they will show it in re-runs

14

When did it originally air?

15

That’s sad to see someone that young, that hawt, and that in love with money and a man who clearly valued it more than her.

16

That wasn’t the case, though, and I’m sorry I didn’t explain fully. As it turns out, they really did care for each other a great deal. She clearly loved him more than his money, but he felt that in order to keep her, he should foot her tuition. When his unwarranted jealosy kicked in, he sued her to hurt her. It became clear that it wasn’t about money at all, but about hurt feelings. And judging from their reactions to the interview guy at the end, I’d bet that they were back together five minutes after the case ended.

17

I like to watch it because Marilyn is sooo very hot!!!

18

Welcome to another episode of The People’s Court with Judge Roland presiding. Today we have the case of The Pianist versus the Führer.

The defendant is Karl Kreiten, a musician who’s been accused of making insulting remarks about our beloved leader, Adolf Hitler. We’ll be back after this commercial break.

Heinrich’s Krunchies they’re the best
The breakfast cereal of the SS
So every day eat a bowl or two
Buy it if you know what’s good for you

Welcome back to the People’s Court. We’re pleased to announce the defendant was found guilty during the break. Let’s see if Karl has anything to say about his sentence. Karl, are you there?

Sorry, Your Honor, I didn’t know there were going to be any questions. I already shot him.

No problem. But I guess that wraps up our show. Tune in tomorrow for another episode full of Nazi justice on … the People’s Court.

19

“He’s accused of… Goosestepping out tonight.”

Text reads: Accused of: Not repaying a loan

20

Unfortunately, everything I wrote actually happened. Except for the part about the breakfast cereal.