I thought you’d post your reply of “You’re welcome to try,” Elenfair. At least, that’s how I remember it. 
I (a woman) think that asking can be very cute, if done in a casual (“So…wanna smooch?”), as opposed to a stilted (“May I please kiss you now?”) way.
I’ve also done a fair bit of asking in my time. Happened with the last guy I kissed: Things were going well (a bit of hand-holding), so I simply smiled & said, “C’mere…”, & that was that. 
But how do you know if it’s a “real date”? I never know if the guy thinks he’s on a date with me or just hanging out with a friend until he tries to kiss me!
Anyway, I disagree with your statement. If it’s a real date that goes well, the guy can assume a goodnight kiss is in order. Haven’t you ended a date hoping you would never see the person again?
I had been going out with this girl semi-regularly for a couple of months (we usually went out once a week). I was very attracted to her and really liked her, but I just wasn’t sure what she felt about me. I mean, I knew she liked me, but I honestly didn’t know if she was even remotely attracted to me or whether she liked me as “just a friend.”
I didn’t want to ruin things by just attacking her, but when I leaned in closely a couple of times to see if she would respond nothing happened.
I had pretty much convinced myself that she just didn’t find me attractive, and was at the point of calling the whole thing off. Finally, out of desperation, I just asked her flat out whether I could kiss her good night. Much to my surprise, she said “of course” and pretty soon we were swapping saliva with the best of them.
Much later, I talked to her about this and found out that she really thought that I wasn’t attracted to her and was afraid to kiss me for fear of scaring me away. Go figure.
We’re getting married in April, by the way…
Barry
and no Lady ever objected
“Simultaneously?”
You think I have two tongues?
I notice people are more likely to kiss when they are drunk but less likely to remember doing such.
I am notorious for waiting ridiculously long to break out the first kiss. I basically wait until I am 100% positive that not only does she want to kiss me, but also that when we do kiss it will most likely go much further.
Which I guess explains having sex with the last two girls within 2 days after our first kisses (respectively), hehe.
I just grabbed this one at random, but all these posts like this one remind me I’m how glad I am married.
Having a girl physically turn away from you or hold up her hand is much worse than hearing, “No, I’d rather not.” Especially since if she does turn away, she feels the need to say something like “I don’t feel that way about you” anyway.
A tip: For those ladies who complain about “why can’t I find a decent man, who’ll call when he says he’ll call, and who’ll listen to me and blah, blah, blah” Well, duh. It’s because you’re not interested in guys who do these things because they also do things like ask-before-kissing.
My first clue that it was okay to kiss the woman now known as Mrs. Skammer was when she announced on one of our early dates - “I hate it when guys ask permission to kiss.” I didn’t just fall off the turnip truck, you know. I got the hint.
Here are instructions on getting permissions on that first kiss (Seems like it may work today too):
Romeo (holding her hand as they dance): I love holding your hand; may I kiss it?
Juliet (probably amused, but cautious, teases him): I like it that you’re holding my hand.
Romeo: Pilgrims have lips, they kiss too. Please let me kiss you.
Juliet: Pilgrims use their lips for praying, not kissing.
Romeo: I’m praying to you to let me kiss you. If you don’t let me I might lose my religious faith.
Juliet: I won’t kiss you, but you can kiss me.
Romeo: Hold still. (He kisses her.) I got rid of my sin by kissing you.
Juliet (excited and amused): Well now I’ve got your sin. What are you going to do about that?
Romeo: You want me to kiss you again? OK! (Kisses her again.)
Juliet: You don’t have to go through all of this just to kiss me. Just do it.
Sometimes it really is ridiculously obvious that a kiss would be fine and nothing needs to be said or asked. I love those situations. If only that was always the case. I can think of a couple of times where the girl in question hadn’t even really thought of it at all. I’ve never been shot down for asking…
That’s not quite right though. I never ask, I usually announce intention. “I think I’m going to kiss you now… probably more than once.” or “If I don’t kiss you goodnight I know I’m going to regret it…” or after saying something stupid “I’m just going to shut up and kiss you.”
works for me.
I think what this thread shows (yet again) is that everyone is different. What works for some men, doesn’t work for others, what some women like, others don’t.
How about just being yourself ?
Ugh, can’t belive some of you people.
Asking is LAME.
If anything just DO it, nothing is more appealing then a man with CONFIDENCE.
Just for fun, here’s my kiss routine:
1)Wait at least until you’re facing one another directly, look into her eyes and hold it as long as it takes. Don’t do anything. Just look at her. Look at her lips…and back to her eyes. You’ll know she’s surrendering to your dominance when she smiles or grins, licks her lips and looks shyly away. THEN proceed.
- reach your hands, or hand, directly and purposefully to her cheek, catching it and part of her neck UNDERNEATH her hair BEFORE you start easing toward her. In this moment, if she’s gonna resist at all, she will have a clear shot to see what’s coming and move back if she doesn’t want it for who knows what reason - she’s a woman. This allows you to simply move your hand and maintain your original stance, which is still “dignified.”
3)Put your hand up on her cheek and hold her gaze maybe 10 seconds, letting it register and then move steadily and purposefully to her and kiss her. Kiss her softly, tenderly and brushing your lips against hers initially, then make full contact, and let it build up, intensify, more pronounced and hungry - give her some primal passion.
4)When the kissing starts, keep on as long as she does, roll with the desire. At the moment you feel her breath escape, when she exhales not just from taking a breath but from the climax of the kiss itself, even if she’s still going, YOU taper it back down and back your way out of it exactly the way you led into it…pausing ever so - maybe 5 seconds just as you move your lips off hers…then breathing with a show of pleasure and containment, move back to your original stance, look at her again another 5 or 10 seconds, smiling, letting the unspoken pass between you…then slowly retrieve your hand.
5)After the contact, FOLLOW HER LEAD.It’s also doing it slowly and methodically enough to allow her a respectful time out call if she aint ready…and at that moment you feel her release of breath, even if ya just started, PULL IT BACK smoothly and end the kiss. It’s the key moment there. It’s that crucial climax release of OK HE FINALY FUCKIN KISSED ME AND I LIKE THIS AND IT FEELS SO… and she has to stop indulging in it. In that moment, it’s no different than fucking, getting right to the point of orgasm and then being interrupted. It’s a powerful compulsion producing experience. Most people will be compelled they do it anyway. DON’T. This is also a pretty good indicator of what kinda lover she’s going to ultimately be for you…if she doesn’t take control during that initial kiss, she’ll almost always submit to your lead in bed. If she takes control at all, she’s one who knows what she wants, she is fully capable of taking a pro active measure in her own sexual emotional gratification, and she’ll likely be much more open in the bedroom.
Even if I had some interest in kissing you, you wouldn’t get a yes out of me, because asking is so awkward and such a turn-off. You’d either get a giggle or rolled eyes, and either could mean yes or no.
kissing routines are LAME
**mindlist, ** geez, such a multi-step process! Isn’t instinct supposed to factor into it at all?
If the guy and I aren’t on the same wavelength, I’d rather know about it upfront. Every time I’ve ever had a guy kiss me for the first time (not counting one extremely awkward fumble when I was 13 years old), and it was a good experience, it was spontaneous. (Or at least the guy made a damn good impression that it was spontaneous.) I can’t imagine a guy who could get through your multi-step process and look like it came naturally. A little bit of hesitancy or awkwardness can be charming, IMHO; it means the guy cares about the impression he makes.
My single years are way behind me, but I never had that much trouble with the whole body-language thing. I can remember a few attempts at kisses that got deflected, but it was never a big deal.
While I didn’t religiously follow this rule, I generally waited until the end of the second date before going for a goodnight kiss. If she likes you enough to go out with you a second time, and you have a good time together, then the odds are definitely in your favor. You still should pay attention to the body language, of course.
Damned if I can figure out what one thing has to do with the other.
As far as sexual harassment is concerned, you don’t date your students or subordinates. You don’t hit on co-workers at the office; you ask 'em out. What happens then is no longer sexual harassment; it’s outside the workplace.
You really seem to be asking about date rape. Some things are pretty obvious. If you try to kiss her and she deflects it, or you kiss her but she doesn’t kiss back, the meaning of that should be pretty obvious, despite the low-cut dress, regardless of who paid for what, no matter that she laughed at your jokes. It shouldn’t take many brain cells to get that.
Ditto coming back to your apartment. People use their residences to entertain friends in platonic ways on occasion, and if she trusts you enough to accompany you into your living room, that doesn’t necessarily mean she wants to join you in the bedroom. Again, if you think the cues are there, you kiss her, and if she doesn’t want to be kissed, you apologize and try to pick up the conversation from where it left off. What’s hard to understand?
I like it that mindlist has put so much thought into this. I wouldn’t mind someone kissing me like that. Reminds me of being single. (The good, exciting, fun part of being single, right before you’re about to be kissed by someone new that you like. Not the yucky, scary, boring, lonely, uncomfortable part of being single, that I don’t miss in the least.)
Yup, I was describing what I naturally tend to do in the FEEL of the moment.